March 11, 2015

March 11, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Behavioral Engineer

Dear Reader, 

Today students took their midterm exam. As there was time, this writer invited them for extra credit opportunity to participate in an exploration of Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). If they stayed for an extra  15 minutes, they would receive 20 extra credit points. Twenty out of the thirty students stayed and after 15 minutes there were still 7 students left. 


The lively conversation had brought up many personal issues and was intensely beautiful. One student remarked that SVB has to do with one's person’s ability to self-soothe. This writer fully agreed and explained that this was exactly how he had come to find out about it. It was not that someone had once came to him and taught him what SVB was. No. Like the students, this writer had also once struggled with what he was feeling and what he was really thinking, but things had changed after he had found that gong and began to listen to himself while he was talking to himself. 

It was precisely this self-soothing effect, what in behaviorism is known as automatic reinforcement, which kept him going. Like his students, he knew it was possible, but was also constantly doubting it and again and again losing it and forgetting about it. However, because it was so valuable to him, he kept trying figure it out, remember it and find it back. And, he did.

The two students who talked the most expressed a lot of frustration and often required this writer to intervene, so that the talk wouldn’t derail in Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). They were hurt and upset and saw their chance to express their negative feelings about how they had been treated by others. Although at times they were quite forceful, they were still correctable and they trusted and allowed this writer to adjust their way of talking. Their emotional involvement was validated and justified. 

Another student spoke of the many conflicting parts of herself, which past she had been unable to bring together. It was due to SVB that she was having the notion that it was possible to have the experience that all the parts can came together. However, as long as NVB keeps going, the different parts of us will continue to be at war with each other. This led to meaningful discussion of how public speech affects our private speech. 

The students were impressed by the fact that when there is SVB, there is no negative self-talk to be figured out anymore. They talked with each other about what to do when one is affected by negative thoughts and feelings. One student suggested we can talk with ourselves, ask ourselves questions and be our own listener, when others are not listening, cannot give us an answer or don’t want to talk. This was approved by this writer and well-received by others, because it was a perfect elaboration of SVB. 

Then it was said SVB didn’t even need to be understood, but must be felt. This too was acknowledged by everyone and this writer explained that understanding SVB happens as a consequence of experiencing it. The students were delighted, they got it. This writer stated that attention for how we sound makes us tune into nonverbal behavior. The words we speak are aligned with how we say it. This connection is maintained by our sound.

One student stated we are not used to experiencing empathy. Others confirmed that we live in a world in which coercion is common. Another student spoke of the anger he felt about insensitive people. This writer acknowledged how this negativity affects us and explained how important it is to recognize or discriminate Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) for what it is, not get in trouble over it and avoid it as much as possible. This led to more talk about our need to be alone and to explore SVB by ourselves. 

Someone must encourage us that we can be alone and figure it out. One student said to another: when we learn to be alone and at peace with ourselves, we will find and recognize others with whom we can have SVB. We must have SVB with ourselves first, before we can have it with others. Another student was only listening and when she was asked to speak, she didn’t know what to say. However, it was okay for her not to say anything and not to feel bad about it like she had been feeling so often before. She seemed relieved and serene. She received nonverbal agreement from the other students. They nodded to her and smiled. This writer explained that SVB is about nonverbal agreement which makes verbal agreement possible. Without this nonverbal agreement we are forever trying to achieve verbal agreement, but we are never quite getting there. In NVB we keep being busy with trying to agree or trying to agree to disagree, but since we keep fixating on the verbal, our nonverbal agreement is not an option. 

As the conversation carried on this writer saw and heard how his students were inspired by their SVB. He suggested that one day they may be the ones to teach this to others. Now that he is writing this, he wants to change it assuring them they will be the ones to teach this to others. His teaching is changed by this interaction with his students. He is going to encourage them by telling them that they can and will be able to do this. He told them already, but not as emphatically as this writing right now. 

He praised the students who stayed longer to have more conversation. He  explained their familiarity with and attraction to SVB was due to their behavioral history. By being given the purpose to teach SVB to others, they will be more inclined to learn it. It is so exciting to still discover new aspects about teaching SVB. He will empower his students to teach it. One student said it was clear that she was now feeling at ease and she realized that this was needed for her to be able to say positive things. Also, she stated very calmly that she couldn’t talk like this when she was upset.