Pleased,
Of course, like everyone else, I could also
complain and lament about how things are going in the world, but I live, yes, only
once, in my own beautiful reality, which I create myself with my language. I
take full responsibility and therefore no longer have to concern myself with
the superficial, superstitious, stupid Disembodied Language (DL) of others,
because I can always have Embodied Language (EL), even, if necessary, alone
with myself.
Since I have EL, I can understand and
accept how phenomenal it is that I am able to do this, when almost no one is
interested in it. Apart from my loving wife Bonnie and my dear Dutch friend
AnnaMieke, there is actually no one at all who enters into the relationship
with me, that has become possible because of my EL.
Others,
as I have often heard, have trouble with me, but for a long time, I was also having
trouble with myself, as I wasn’t able to accept, that my life really is the way
it is. Yet, because of my EL, by talking to myself out loud and by listening to
myself, I have come to know that it is perfectly good as it is. I live a
wonderful life, in the reality, I create with my EL.
I have always been a loner, but can only
now articulate why this is so. Even though I didn't know about DL and EL what I
know now, I was always who I still am today. As I started to connect the dots with
EL, I found out, with my own language, that I must have been born enlightened.
I do not mean to say that I am special, because I believe everyone is born
enlightened. The only difference with others is that, because of my EL, I was
able to realize my own Language Enlightenment (LE). Despite all my traumas,
conflicts and problems, I am convinced that I am truly enlightened, because I
can, may and want to talk, write and sing about it with myself.
Nowadays I mainly write about my LE,
because talking about it is hardly possible. Only those who, like me, have EL
with themselves can have EL with me. Although I admit, I have tried many times
in vain to talk to others about it, I no longer believe I can cause EL in
others. Paradoxically, I have taught psychology for many years and before that
I gave hundreds of groups, seminars, lectures and sessions because I still vehemently
believed then that others could have learned EL from me.
I admit that AnnaMieke is the only one who
really does what I do. Even my beloved wife, who makes it possible for me to
live the way I live, is not inclined to talk with me about DL, EL and LE. She
becomes restless when, as I have done so many times, I talk with her about
that. Because of her I have not gone screaming mad, but, after making the same
mistake thousand times, I have finally learned, to keep my EL more and more to
myself.
I feel so happy, as I no longer seem to
embody the pressure and stress, which I, apparently, as the eldest son, had acquired
in my family. I don't bother anyone to have EL anymore, but I always did
before, because I hadn't quite understood yet, that I create my own reality
with my language. Now that that has actually become the case, I don't care
about others who don't want to get involved, as I continue with EL myself
anyway. I used to always continue with it, but that was never as clear to me as
it is today.
Living my own life only became clear to me
after AnnaMieke let me be completely myself in EL. In the past, others have
also allowed me to be more or less myself, but with AnnaMieke I can talk and
write at length, because she also sees the value of this and, like me, is
completely absorbed in it. It is amazing that this can be so. It feels totally
okay that Bonnie is busy with other things, which I can't do. I am unable to do
what she does and I am very grateful that she will and can, because I will and
cannot. I used to have a feeling of inadequacy about Bonnie that I wasn't
worthy of her, because I didn't want children, but she let me know, she wanted
to be with me, I also felt ashamed about always being so passionate and
preoccupied about my EL. So, it has come to the point, that I can now embrace
my LE.
The physical work I do, five days a week,
keeps both of my feet on the ground and
allows me to use my enormous energy in
a productive way. Unlike all my previous
jobs, in my current job, as a delivery driver,
I never mention anything about EL. When I
die, my behavior will be over for good, but
as long as I live, I will continue to express
my LE with my EL, although probably mainly
in my writing, such as here. It's so nice to be
able to say or write this. What a privilege it
is, to be able to do this, because, apart from
AnnaMieke, others cannot. To others, who
are still muddling along with their DL, my
situation is understandingly ridiculous and
unimaginable. I now fully get it that most
people, even my wife Bonnie, are barely able
to consider the gigantic implications of the
fact that everyone has been conditioned to have
DL – that is, to talk with others, instead of
with themselves – while together with AnnaMieke,
I am the only one, who has consciously explored
ongoing EL and who has thus become aware about
my LE…
AnnaMieke and I talk to each other every
week and read each other's writing about our EL and LE every day. Of course her
language is very different from mine, but we speak and we write about the same
thing. It is such a blessing to be able and to be allowed to do this.
Apparently, we both know nothing better to do. All our other behaviors are
aligned with and based on our EL and LE.
What I always wanted – EL with others – is now
finally behind me. A dream has become reality. The most important thing was and
still is, that I have EL with myself and am therefore no longer bothered by the
DL of others. Even though I can't talk about it explicitly with her most of the
time, I still have EL with my wife most of the time. Incidentally, that has
helped and stimulated me enormously, to have and explore EL with myself. I'm
feeling so good Bonnie's letting me do my thing. If I don't bother her with my
passion to talk about EL all the time, then all is well. Everything has settled
into place and I'm so glad it's Friday again and the weekend is just around the
corner. I pause to write this last sentence, while being aware this ecstatic
sensation of completeness and peace is buzzing through my entire being.