October 16, 2014

October 16, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

 

It dawned on this writer recently that mankind as a whole hasn’t yet become truly verbal. We use words, but how do we speak? With Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) as our main way of communicating, we don’t embody our language. We can’t “find our voice”, let alone “speak with one voice”, as long as the sound of our voice doesn’t get our attention. Many years ago, when this writer first discovered the importance of self-listening, he foresaw that what he now calls Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB), would only spread by word of mouth.This writing is not going to change that.

Expressions as “my word of honor”, “words are cheap”, “I’ll give you my word”, “actions speak louder than words”, “he didn’t keep his word” or “he broke his word”, refer to how we sound. Ancient philosophers, like Plato, knew what many seem to have forgotten today: there is a connection between sound and meaning. 

We speak of trust or lack of trust when we say “take my word for it” or “these are empty words.” When we are taking an oath, we swear to speak the truth. And, his relationship is meaningful because “he felt moved by what she said” although “it took a while for the words to sink in.” After his story “had struck a chord” they  harmonized and resonated together. When we say “sounds good to me”, we agree. 

It is no coincidence that NVB is everywhere. Only once in blue moon are we allowed to say to each other “it’s not what you say, but how you say it!” Because we are not used it, we don’t tolerate feedback from others about how we speak.  Consequently, we basically don’t care at all about how we sound and most of our interactions just sound terrible. If it looks and feels bad, if it sounds cold, phony, pompous, pushy, pretentious,  contrived, guarded, saintly, wordy, edgy, arrogant and incendiary, it isn’t communication, but it is domination, exploitation, humiliation, alienation, dissociation, distraction and fabrication. During SVB, by contrast, we sound good, we feel good and we communicate in an effortless manner. We haven’t had very much SVB, because we haven’t been taught to be attentive to how we sound while we talk. The only way in which we are going to achieve, maintain and increase SVB is by listening to ourselves while we speak.