Language Enlightenment

Saturday, February 20, 2016

December 2, 2013

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader,

Only when we bring our attention to creating and maintaining the interaction which is successful, are we more likely to have more successful interactions in the future. Our eliminative approach to unsuccessful interaction continues to be a complete nightmare. Because we have not solved our problems of human relationship, the world is in the big mess that it is. Our neglect for the environment has brought our ecosystems to the point of collapse. In the same way that we dismiss our environment, we deny that we depend on others. We abuse each other as means to our own ends.

Exploitation of each other is accepted as politics, economics, religion and teaching. It is based on unsuccessful communication, but it is not identified as such. Coercion and domination derives from our inability to communicate. At what point will we begin to reverse this abuse? We can only do that by paying attention to when we do not force others into our way of communicating. Our way of communicating is what this author calls Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). There is of course no such thing as our way of communicating. By calling it NVB, we give a proper label to what has been going on in the name of communication, which wasn’t and couldn’t be communication.

Those moments in our communication that we were successful, we had Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). We have all known moments of SVB when we were with friends, when we were at ease, when we let the conversation take on its own course, when there was no argument, when we were respected by each other, when we were feeling safe, calm, peaceful, rested, relaxed and sensitive. SVB is nothing new. It is only seemingly new when someone puts his finger on it. It is new because it was hardly ever reinforced. By putting our finger on it, we discriminate it and we begin to realize how wonderful, beneficial and effortless it really is.

It is relevant to pay attention to those rate moments in which SVB was already there, completely successful, not needing any improvement. We have had SVB already, but we did not have enough of it to realize how much we need to continue to have it. We have only had enough SVB to make us hold on to the devastating belief that only our way of communicating is right and that someone else’s way of communicating, by default is wrong. However, all NVB is deeply problematic.

Our behavioral repertoire which is based on SVB is very small, but it is there. We are so unfamiliar with it that when it is pointed out we feel extremely happy. To most of us it comes as a surprise as well as a sense of relief that SVB is there. It is the only thing we can really work with and yet we have ignored it so much that we do not even know anymore that we still have it. Even if we let it continue for only a little while, we begin to notice the great blessing this is. We regain our humanity, come out of our delusions and we wake up from our psychological sleep. Only a little bit of SVB is already enough to prove to us in what kind of total nonsense we have been living.

The sobering effect of SVB makes us instantly realize how few situations allow us to achieve it. Once we have it, we know that we have it and we also know that most of the time we didn’t have it. Once we have it, the time for exaggeration is over. We may be somewhat embarrassed, but are also amused and intrigued by our denial. Our renewed interest in the ugly, hilarious, but also horrific and deeply painful reality of how we communicate, is driven by a conviction that something entirely different is possible. Even the smallest amount of SVB can set us ablaze. SVB reminds us that we were once inspired, alive, motivated and full of energy.

To enhance our SVB repertoire, we must know its source. The source of SVB is in the expression of our thoughts and feeling, but not with the intent of saying something about them, but with the intent of listening to them. It does not matter how well our thoughts and feelings are described, what matters is whether we are listening to them. We know exactly when we are listening to them. When that happens, our thoughts, feelings and experiences become more clear and coherent. When incoherent thoughts and feelings are expressed this signifies we are not listening to ourselves. In NVB we want others to listen to us, because we are troubled by our own thoughts and feelings. The moment we listen to ourselves, NVB turns into SVB. In SVB we always listen to ourselves. Lack of self-listening causes NVB, while restoration of self-listening causes SVB. Going back and forth between self-listening and the absence of self-listening, between SVB and NVB, we find out that overemphasis on what we say produces NVB. When we dominate and force each other, we produce NVB. When we coerce others to listen to us, we don’t listen to ourselves, because we are other-oriented.

December 1, 2013

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader,

The target outcome of this writing is to establish the possibility of successful human interaction. This is called Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). As of yet SVB is only minimally available. Its proportion to Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) – our dominant way of interacting, which perpetuates and increases our problems, because they are inaccurately described – remained the same. Estimated by those who were capable and willing to make the distinction, the ratio SVB: NVB, is about 5:95. Only 5% represents the possibility that our communication will be successful.

Each time human interaction succeeds, it is an all- or-nothing affair. The fact that it currently only succeeds as little as five times out of hundred, does not mean that the success of SVB is any bigger in the 10:90 ratio than in the 5:95 ratio. When the SVB rate changes to an overall more successful interaction, this does not mean that we are individually getting better at communicating with one another. Those who are in the five percent are as successful in the 5:95 ratio as in the 10:90 ratio or the 25:75 ratio. The only real difference of the changed ratio is that successful interaction will be more often reinforced. Increase of reinforcement will enhance SVB more rapidly in those who acquired it earlier than in those who got it later.

The all or nothing nature of human interaction is completely misunderstood. It is widely believed that we can gradually get better at interacting with each other, but nothing is further away from the reality. First of all, this view underlies our current dismal low level of success. Secondly, our obsession with problems has led to an increase instead of a decrease of unsuccessful communication. Thirdly, as long as there is nothing to reinforce our success, our successes will remain sparse. The ratio remained 5:95, because our environment wasn’t capable of reinforcing the 10:90 ratio or the 25:75 ratio. If it could, it would do so, but since it couldn’t, it didn’t. We like to believe that we can do anything if we set our mind to it. This self-centered, unscientific belief has prevented us from paying attention to our environment.Rather than trying to solve our problems, we put the horse behind the wagon. We should be looking at what goes right and give more attention to that. We need to understand and acknowledge what is required for things to go right in our interactions with one another.

November 30, 2013

Dear Reader,

The question I am asking is: if you would be successful in your communication with others, what would the outcome be? Wouldn’t it be that you have happy, supportive relationships, that life has meaning because you are loved and enjoyed by others? Wouldn’t it be that you feel confident and stimulated to be the best that you can be? Wouldn’t it be that there will be understanding and respect among all those with whom you interact? Then, would there still be such a thing as your success? Wouldn’t success in our communication have to be reciprocal, because it always signifies the success we achieve together with our family members, our friends, our colleagues or anyone else with whom we communicate? If we have this successful communication with each other, wouldn’t we be inclined to listen to each other?

If the above is our well-defined purpose, mustn’t our next step be to verify if our current way of communicating achieves or approaches this? Repertoire which achieves our goal can remain and repertoire that approximates our goal can be built upon and shaped into the expressions which achieve our desired goal. Behavior that doesn’t lead to the desired goal doesn’t require our attention. We only need to occupy ourselves with the construction of successful behavior, which, because of its reinforcing effects and its noticeable, steadily, increasing strength, counteracts our unsuccessful behavior. What did not happen and could not happen, during our previous unsuccessful behavior, was the reinforcement of our successful behavior. Our successful behavior was always there in spite of our more prominent unsuccessful behavior, but, since our focus was on our unsuccessful behavior, reinforcement of our successful behavior didn’t and couldn’t have much effect in terms of reducing our unsuccessful behavior.

Positive reinforcement of successful behavior makes clear the extent to which we are troubled by negative behavior. Emphasis, of the reinforcing agent, on the elimination of unsuccessful behavior prevents the construction of successful behavior. Most dispensers of reinforcement, most other human beings, due to their own history of coercive behavioral control, are overly involved in reducing socially unacceptable behavior. They try to make others feel good by demonstrating how acceptable they are, but, instead of creating SVB, this increases NVB, co-dependence and enabling.

November 29, 2013

Dear reader,

When you read these words, you should not have to worry about what they mean. They certainly mean something, but there is no need for you to make any effort to understand them. SVB is absolutely effortless, that is why you are not familiar with it. You are familiar with making a language effort, with thinking about what is said, with difficult conversations, because usually you have to figure out what the words you are surrounded by mean. These words are different, but it may take a little while before you begin to notice. Of course, these words are exactly the same as other written words, but what we are talking about here is what is communicated, what is meant by these words.

These words communicate peace and security to you. Such words are meaningless without the non-verbal experience. Unless these words induce that experience, they are meaningless. How can a writer be sure he succeeds in inducing that experience? You think that just reading these words is proof that he is bringing his message across? This author does not believe so. Although it may be true, he believes that it is usually not true. Most of what is said does not come across. What is written reflects what is said and thus all the unresolved problems pertaining to written language are entirely the same as those pertaining to spoken language. Most of what is written, like most of what is said, does not come across. Yet, we like to think and believe that it does.

The word comfort, the description of comfort and the experience of comfort, are different things. Because they can be the same, this does not mean that they are or will be the same. To verify whether they are the same, we must be confident about other words besides the word comfort. Many other words are necessary to make one word meaningful. Without the meaning of many other words this one word will have lost its meaning. Stated differently, when this one word loses its meaning, many other words will have lost their meaning too, because words depend on each other for meaning. The description is more important than one single word.

In the same way that words by themselves are totally meaningless, experiences by themselves are meaningless too. The experience of comfort is only identifiable in relation to other experiences. Discomfort and comfort go together, just as being tired and being rested go together. If one never gets enough rest, if the experience of rest is lacking, the word and the experience of being rested lose meaning. Surely, the words being tired, our description of being tired as well as our actual experience of being tired will lose its meaning. Our language loses more and more of its meaning as long as we fail to notice that our words do not really match our experiences.

When our experiences are not accurately represented, our lives are diminished. However, when our experiences are accurately represented, our lives are enriched. These words enhance your experience, it does not matter what experience. It is the experience that you have right now. The notion that your experience can be genuinely your experience, regardless of what experience it is, needs to be made clear to you in writing, so that it can be expressed by you as SVB in your speech.

November 28, 2013

Dear reader,

This writing is for you. I have a message to convey and I want you to get it. I do not write these words because it is 2pm and I cannot sleep. I do not write to read these words myself, although I do, of course, read them. I write these words to you and when you read them, you should find something is happening to you. These words are written to change you. I want to change you. I can change you. I am allowed to change you. I have changed myself with these words. Since theyhave had this effect on me, they are likely to have this effect on you. I woke up for this. I do not complain. I enjoy this. I enjoy reading these words that I am writing.

My message is that there is such a thing as real communication. It is important to separate real communication from that which is not communication. What is not communication has many different faces, but real communication is always only one thing. Said differently, SVB is simple and clear, but NVB is complicated and confusing. The idea of diversity has made us believe that there are many different ways to communicate. This is completely wrong. There is only one way in which to communicate. That we do not adhere to this means that we are not communicating. SVB has nothing to do with someone being different from someone else. In NVB people pretend to be communicating by emphasizing how different they are or by pretending how much the same they are.

In SVB there is neither an emphasis on being the same nor on being different. In SVB we are what we are, but in NVB we are not what we are, we can’t be who we are and we are always trying to be or to become something we are not. In SVB there is being, in NVB there is trying to be. Once you have SVB there is no need to understand any of this. When you communicate who you are, you know that you do so and others will know it too, although they may resist, deny or become envious. NVB communicators can’t stand SVB communicators, because they know they are going to be exposed by them. This SVB knowledge always somehow seeps through and is expressed and received in one way or another. In fact, it is impossible to maintain NVB. And, preventing SVB is like trying to achieve the impossible. NVB communicators know very well that they are failing.

The constant failure of communication, NVB, is a troublesome business, we rather not address. SVB never addresses it directly, it doesn’t need to. NVB talkers blame and hate SVB communicators, because they avoid NVB communicators altogether. SVB never meets NVB, because it goes in an opposite direction. That is how it should be. There is no argument between NVB people and SVB people, because SVB people will decline. SVB people refuse to become NVB people. It is not in the nature of things. It is also in the nature of things for NVB people to become SVB people. Only SVB people can influence NVB people, but NVB people can’t really influence SVB people at all.

Their frustration is very apparent.Since they dominate or make the so-called communication impossible, NVB people assume that they are right. Just because they can dominate and coerce, does not mean that they are right.In SVB nobody dominates anybody. Presence of domination signifies NVB and absence signifies SVB. It is their belief that they dominate communication, not the reality, which NVB communicators find important. If they would focus on whether or not they really had any influence on others, they would find out that they don’t. Since they do not like to hear this, NVB communicators are satisfied with the assumption that they dominate the communication. The reality is that SVB communicators can’t be touched by any NVB communicators. NVB communicators have nothing to touch SVB communicators with because they have another history of reinforcement. They may be able to destroy or prevent SVB, but the essence of SVB keeps eluding them. They are strongly against SVB, because, secretively, they want it and privately they need it too.

So, although SVB is easily pushed aside and wiped off the table, it does not go away and it does not leave anyone alone. Once we have SVB, we realize what bothered us, because in SVB we transcend our troubles. In NVB we recreate our troubles, which cannot be decreased. Again, in NVB, any decrease in our troubles is just our imagination. Likewise, in NVB our so-called power is a fantasy, not a reality. The queen is not a queen and the celebrity is not a celebrity. The fame, the so-called influence people have due to their money, armies, education, culture and ability to shape the news, is all make belief. Reality is still there and the fact that it is not attended to doesn’t make any difference. Inevitably, our way of communicating at some point has to catche up with reality. Even if it only happens very briefly, when that happens, NVB transforms into SVB.

Glimpses of reality remind us that there is such a thing as the kind of communication which accurately describes this reality. Such descriptions changes our false beliefs by exposing them. There is nothing to be changed about NVB. Making a clear distinction between SVB and NVB is enough to get people to change. You know that these words are not written to make you stop thinking. You know that these words are not written to prevent you from being and expressing yourself. You know that these words encourage you and are on your side. These words do not hold back, that is why they can reach you. These words affect what you think because they are meant to do that. It does not matter how they affect you exactly. We will talk about that later.

That words affect you is important. Surely words always do that, but these words are different in how they affect you. They are different because you will stop reading, if you do not notice the difference that they make. You might say they take you to a deeper level. Yes, dear reader, you exist and you are real and these words can bring you and keep you in touch with yourself. In SVB you will be able to communicate your reality as it is, continuously, skillfully, deliberately and joyfully. The reason you have not done that is because you are used to NVB. Everyone is used to NVB. We are conditioned by NVB to have more NVB. SVB re-conditions us. In SVB we learn new ways of expressing ourselves. These new ways, as you can read, are verbal as well as non- verbal. In NVB words lose meaning, but in SVB they become meaningful. SVB is communication, but NVB is the absence of communication. Any search for meaning always signifies the absence of communication.