Real,

 

During your usual way of talking – which has set the stage for how you deal with your language and determines how you behave – you cannot be real, because you don’t listen to yourself while you speak. Your Disembodied Language (DL) doesn’t allow you to be in touch with your feelings, let alone express them in a satisfying manner. The fact, that you don’t know how to talk about your emotions with DL, makes you do many neurotic things, because you try in vain to find relief from your negative feelings.

 

The only way in which you can talk about your feelings in a positive manner, is if you listen to yourself while you speak and, thus, engage in Embodied Language (EL). Although you may still be processing the negative feelings, which you weren’t able to express and dissolve with your DL, with ongoing EL, you can talk about these familiar negative feelings, without getting again carried away. Your EL invites and allows you to address everything you weren’t able to address with DL. It is very moving to heal from your DL.

 

In DL – which, I repeat, is our common way of talking – it is not only impossible to express your feelings sensitively and calmly, but if you try, you are always made to feel, as if you are doing something wrong, which, ironically, is true. However, it is only true, from an EL point of view, but not from a DL point of view. With DL, we viciously judge our own and each other’s feelings. Moreover, since we all fail to express our emotions and our experiences correctly, in DL, we are made to feel, as if we should keep our negative as well as our positive feelings to ourselves and always speak in a non-emotional, supposedly, rational manner. Surely, in DL, we are incapable of being rational, as our negative feelings get in the way. We can only be rational, when we have positive emotions, but we need to have EL to maintain and express our positive feelings.

 

During DL, you either hear people apologizing for their feelings – but they never really mean it, because they have been made to feel guilty about what they are feeling – or you will hear people say, you should never apologize for how you feel. For people, who only know DL, being real, means the irresponsible, blunt, forceful expression of their negative emotions, without considering how this affects others. Surely, we should never apologize for being real, but being real has nothing to do, with the unconscious unloading of our negative hyped-up emotions.

 

When we finally express the inevitably negative feelings and experiences of our DL – with EL – we are mourning the great trauma, that was endured by all of mankind, since the beginning of time. When I first discovered that I could talk out loud with myself and listen to the sound of my own voice and effortlessly produce my own EL, I was overcome by a deep sense of sorrow. Each time, I took time, to talk with myself and listen to myself, I was in tears. EL makes crying easy. In EL, my tears became my biggest friends.

 

I once talked about the DL/EL distinction with someone, who taught acting. He seemed very interested, initially, but when I told him, all acting is DL, he began to argue with me. In EL, we don’t act, because we are real. While I could understand, why he would say, that acting is about being real and being honest, I would say, with my EL, that acting is a failed attempt at EL.

 

Our infatuation with acting, movies, TV, social media, amusement, books or anything we can read – which always distracts us from our own language – keeps us stuck and busy with DL, in which others, supposedly, are more important, that is, more real or, presumably, more capable or special, than we ourselves. However, those, in DL, who manage to get the attention are those who demand it and struggle for it. In EL, speakers never demand the listener’s attention, as each speaker is his or her own listener.

 

In DL, we say: seeing is believing. However, EL has nothing to do with believing, because it is about being real. Moreover, in DL, something is considered to be real, because, supposedly, it has objective independent existence. Yet, in EL, we recognize, with our novel use of language, that everything, which, presumably, exists independently from us, is, in fact, neurally-behaved by us. In other words, there is no reality and there cannot be any reality, separate from our own experience. However, we will crash to the ground, if we believe, we can fly and jump from a roof.  

After students leave school, to get a job, they are said to go and live in the real world. It is interesting, to take note of the fact, that the somewhat protected college or university environment, is, by default, depicted as unreal, while having a real job in the real world is real. Certainly, the real world, isn’t the supportive environment, contrasted with a student’s life. In other words, the real is, basically, described as if it is difficult, serious, unprotected and having nothing to do with the experience of comfort. Our notion of what is real is different whether it derives from our DL or our EL. With our dumb, unconscious DL, we falsely believe, we live in hell, but with our EL, we really live the good life.        

 Red Guards,

 

All of mankind’s problems are problems of repetition. We repeat the same Disembodied Language (DL). Our problems can be addressed and will only be solved with a different kind of language. Embodied Language (EL) is the only way in which the problems, which were caused and maintained by DL can be solved. In DL, the speakers do not listen to themselves, but in EL the speakers do listen to themselves and experience the new.

 

Obviously, history is again repeating itself with the disgustingly antisemitic campus protests. The blatant lack of leadership at universities is sickening and it is indoctrination from the Democratic Left, which has brought this about. I want the reader to know, however, that the escalation of hatred into violence, is the predictable pattern of our common DL, which goes in every society around the world.

 

Although we have been able to extend our periods of relative peace somewhat, there is, with our inherently coercive way of talking, always, eventually, an inevitable intensification of aggression. Americans, but also Europeans, should listen to Lily Tang Williams, who grew up experiencing extremely poor living conditions, food rationing, social chaos and Communist indoctrination. She survived Mao’s Zedong’s Cultural Revolution in communist China and came to America, where she is currently running for congress. Who better, to recognize, that these protesters are the same as Mao’s Red Guards, then this trained lawyer, with a master’s degree in administration and planning? She should be all over the news, but the main-stream media wouldn’t let her speak out against the insanity of the Left, because, according to the cancelling Biden administration, she is an evil MAGA Republican.

 

Since my wife’s parents have also escaped from Mao’s purge – which killed millions and millions of people – by leaving everything behind and by starting with absolutely nothing in the United States and since I have read many books about this horrific topic, I view these ignorant Marxist hordes, who have taken over all of the major educational institutions, with their contagious anti-Isael, anti-American, but, ultimately, anti-individual freedom rhetoric, as the enemy within and an imminent threat to Western civilization.

 

These screaming, righteous protesters represent DL on steroids. In case people still don’t know this, the Red Guards, in 1966, were a mass, student-led, paramilitary social movement, mobilized by Chairman Mao, until they were abolished in 1968, during the first phase of the Cultural Revolution. Mao’s ‘little generals’ had unleashed a period of ‘red terror’ and viciously persecuted teachers, lynched suspected class enemies and created an atmosphere of fear. Similarly to what happens today, radicals use propaganda to seize power by destroying ‘old’ symbols. Laws are changed and no longer enforced, statues are torn down and the Constitution, supposedly, needs to be thrown away. Traditional Chinese culture – The Four Olds: old ideas, old culture, old customs, old habits – had to be demolished according to these supposedly modern idealistic people.  

 

Nobody can deny that the same intimidation and violence is currently perpetrated – with full approval – by those, who hide behind the man, who claims to be saving democracy. All of this is the result of DL. To view what is happening in America from the perspective of someone, who is able to have ongoing EL, it is clear, we are heading for very hard times, as there are no demonstrations from the Right and practically all means of communication belong to powerful people on the Left. Sadly, there are many Republicans In Name Only (RINOS), treasonous individuals, who have given up on American sovereignty and colluded with the Democrats, to leave the border wide open. Likewise, in Europe, many countries have fallen victim to the globalist-Marxist' agenda. 

Generally, people down-play the ongoing protests as non-violent, but in China, there were, beheadings, beatings, live burials, stonings, drownings, boilings, group slaughters, disembowelings, digging out hearts, livers, genitals, slicing of flesh, blowing up with dynamite, and more, no method remained unused by the Red Guards. Something like this is very well possible in any country, because in communist rule there is apparently not enough room at the top for everyone.

 

The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) rolled over its citizens - Tiananmen Square - with tanks, while here in the United States, many people are in jails with no trials and the law is turned against its own citizens. Moreover, Mao had students kill their teachers and the young kill the old, including their own family. If we – people on the right – compare what is happening in America, to the collapse of other Western Democratic countries, we should realize, that it isn’t communists, who never change or evolve and who channel and organize human evil, wherever they seize power, but it is DL.

 

All savagery and brutality deal with DL and, the only way in which our DL is ever going to stop, is if we are going to talk about the difference between our DL and our EL. Only the people who live in Western Democratic countries, have the opportunity to openly distinguish between DL and EL and acknowledge, that DL was never really communication in the first place, but the pretention that we were talking and listening. In the name of our so-called communication, we have always been dominating, manipulating, distracting, forcing, intimidating and harassing. Only when we know the difference between DL and EL, will we choose EL and base our actions on EL. Real communication is the key to solving all our problems, but we have never tried, let alone, experienced, ongoing EL.

 

Today, I also read about a courageous North Korean person, Yeonmi Park, who, in spite of a tremendous amount of suffering and torment at the hands of the Communists, managed to escape through China to America. Of course, it is no coincidence, that miss Park, like Lily Tang Williams, gravitated toward the Republican Party, because she recognizes the treacherous Communist tendencies in the Democratic Party. The biggest critics of the far Left and Biden’s Communistic regime are the real refugees from communist countries. They have good reason for it and, yet they too, don’t address the DL, that is causing this and has done so, throughout human history. DL has never been properly addressed with ongoing EL. In other words, Western Democratic countries have yet to embrace the language of individualism, which is EL.

 

An interesting, not widely known, detail about the youthful Red Guards was, that they were used by Mao, to further his agenda of Cultural Revolution – meaning forcing all of China to become communist – until they were no longer useful. They were too fanatical, too dangerous, to remain, once they had served their purpose. In their heyday, around 1966, the Red Guard reigned with chaos and violence, but by 1967 the movement had been banned and removed in the name of ‘political stability.’ By 1968, they were forcibly suppressed and liquidated in mass executions. There is an eerie similarity with all the ‘useful idiots’ – students who want to be part of some cause – who are not only yelling the Communist’, but also Jihadist’ propaganda, to, support the liberation of Hamas-Palestine.

 

Mao – who easily killed 100 million people, as the Great Famine alone already killed an estimated 40 to 80 million (numbers from demographic experts) – like any other ruthless Chinese emperor, but also like all the democrats today, wanted power and control and used any means available, to succeed. These Red Guards are just like today's Antifa, who say they are anti-Fascist, but who are ironically identical to Hitler’s Brown-shirts. Intersectionality, this magical concept straight from the Diversity-Equity-Inclusion- Indoctrination-Playbook, presumably, is the intellectual, academic - don't worry about plagiarism - term, which beautifully explains this Nazi-Marxist-Jihadist movement and, yet we still refuse to talk with each other, in order to finally acknowledge the difference between DL and EL.

 

This is getting to be a long piece, but I want the reader to know, that I have spent many years of my life, studying psychology, I have worked for many years in mental health and I have taught psychology for many years, but in the context of what is happening today, I can better understand, why millions of dollars, went to creating many new courses – for LGBTQ, BLM, DEI, White Privilege, etc. – but nobody was interested in creating a course, to have ongoing EL. Psychologist, like RINOS, were never in favor of the individual, that is why practically all of their research is based on averages. However, whether we are willing to admit this or not, our problems are created by how we, each, individually, talk. Although this is a common problem, it remains an individual problem, because in DL, we are not true to our own experience. My ongoing EL is against everything that is happening in psychology, science or academia and in retrospect I realize, I never really was part of these coward, insincere, mediocre promotors of hateful DL.   

 Community Organizing,

 

I heard on TV the term community organizing (CO) and was curious to find out, how it relates to the two different patterns, which occur in every language: Disembodied Language (DL) and Embodied Language (EL). According to Wikipedia, CO is a process where people, who live in proximity to each other or share some common problem, come together into an organization that acts in their shared self-interest. Unlike those who promote more consensual community building, CO organizers generally assume that social change necessarily involves conflict and social struggle in order to generate collective power for the powerless. CO has as a core goal the generation of durable power for an organization representing the community, allowing it to influence key decision makers on a range of issues over time. Ideally, CO groups get a place at the table before important decisions are made. CO organizers work with and develop new local leaders, facilitating coalitions and assisting in the development of campaigns. A central goal of CO is the development of a robust, organized, local democracy bringing community members together across differences to fight together for the interest of the community. This description clearly shows how DL is perpetuated by CO.

 

The insistence of CO organizers on conflict and struggle, as a way to, supposedly, achieve social change, is aimed at achieving durable power. This Marxist-communist approach, however, will never be able to properly address our DL. To the contrary, it will make our DL even more insidious, tenacious, manipulative and lethal, than it already is. Moreover, all of this will be done, because, presumably, it is good for the community. Make no mistake, with DL, only the illusion is created, that we are coming together.

 

CO is based on the artificial division between the so-called powerless and the powerful, and,   therefore, it preaches power for the powerless. EL isn’t based on any kind of fight and the basic premise of CO appears to be, that nothing can be achieved without DL. Whatever is achieved with DL, is never the wellbeing of the individual community members. The imaginary place, at the table of decision-making, is never obtained, because DL only deals with group-behavior, not with individuals. Like so many other political movements, CO throws out the child with the bathwater, by gas-lighting and virtue-signaling.

 

The aim of CO is social reform, that is, it claims to bring a social or political system closer to the community’s ideal. It should also be noted, that the need for reform of society, is grounded in what is known as liberalism or, more precisely, in socialistic-communistic-collectivistic ideology, which, in turn, previously arose from religious concepts. A famous example of this, was the fanatic, creepy, idiot, Mahatma Gandhi with his spinning wheel. Anything that is reactionary, religious, radical, left-wing or revolutionary, that is intent on transforming, replacing or radically overthrowing, the fundamental principles of society, is against EL and, clearly, in favor of DL.  

 

The end goal, the ideal, the future, which never comes – which, as is always the case, in brutal, lying, unnatural DL, justifies the means – of distributing power and resources, more equally, between the community members and external political and social figures of power (oddly, some people are seemingly more equal than others; see China or Russia), is always at the expense of the demise of millions of people. Freedom and wealth, was never created by any forcefully-distributing-the-wealth governments.

 

Another famous CO was Barack Obama, whose anti-American views, were shaped by the social justice warrior Saul Alinsky. Surely, the entire current Biden administration, is now executing Alinsky’s radical left agenda. They ram all kinds of absurd ideas down everyone’s throats and if you have any objections, you will be cancelled, by these powerful people, who will do anything to remain in power. Their DL has destroyed the Freedom of Speech, which provides room for EL. When it comes to acknowledging the difference between DL and EL, only the conservatives and republicans don’t force their ideas on others. I am not saying, the right has EL, but, surely, they are more open to it than the left. Essentially, DL is group-behavior, but EL is individual behavior, and, thus, the right is in favor of the individual, but the left – hiding behind their CO-shtick – is quite willing to sacrifice our individual rights on the altar of social justice. It is no coincidence Hillary Clinton wrote her senior thesis on Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals (1946). This is not Right-Wing paranoia, but a reflection, from a EL-perspective, on where America is today, based on where it has been. America and all free countries, need EL, the language of the individual.                

 Sounding Horrible,

 

Although we don’t listen to it, and, although we remain unconscious about it, if we would take the time to listen to it, we would know, that we don’t really want to listen to our Disembodied Language (DL), because we just sound horrible.

 

Our usual way of talking – DL – which is going on everywhere, twenty-four-seven, just sounds terrible and, yet, we never acknowledge, that the reason, we don’t listen to each other and get along with each other, is because we don’t listen to ourselves while we speak. Surely, we also don’t get along with ourselves and this is why we imagine, we have troubling thoughts.

 

Nobody wants to talk about and come clean about the difference between Embodied Language (EL) and DL, the alienating, phony, superficial language they engage in every day, because it is embarrassing to admit, that we compulsively do something against our will, without realizing it. Once we own up to our DL, we can’t help, but recognize, that our common use of language is against our freedom.

 

People are screaming, forcing, arguing, fighting, bluffing, hiding, fleeing, freezing and distracting and all this goes on, as our, supposedly, normal way of talking. However, our ubiquitous DL is distorted, sickening, offensive and unintelligent, once we engage in EL. When we have ongoing EL, we know are better, than who we have been with our disastrous DL. Moreover, once we have had ongoing EL, there is no way back to DL, as there is no excuse for this repetitive stupidity.

 

DL is totally uninteresting. DL is boring, tedious, punishing and draining. To stop your own DL, is to do yourself the biggest favor, but to continue with it, is to torture yourself. In the name of our usual, expected, disconnecting way of talking millions of people, unknowingly, ruin their own lives and the lives of others. They justify the shit they pull of with their DL, with politics, religion, ethnicity or other herd-behavior. They condemn anyone who stands up as an individual, because they don’t know and fear the language of the individual.  

 

I have always felt and known, when it comes to an actual confrontation, people refuse to have the conversation, in which it becomes clear what is DL and what is EL. The numerous times I have tried to point this out, people always dismissed me, as they wanted to escape from admitting, that they are the ones who are dominating me. I’m unafraid to argue with anyone, but I refuse to be punished again because I am right, and I don’t buy into any crap they pull on me with their disgusting DL.

 

The reason I withdrew from my PhD psychology study at Palo Alto University – at the very end, while I was writing my dissertation and accruing my clinical hours – was because nobody there had the sincerity to admit, that they wanted to punish me for exposing and opposing their DL, which they justify with their arrogant authoritarian academic bullshit. I had wanted to write my dissertation about the DL/EL distinction, but I was forced by the director himself – who told me in forceful terms, after first inviting me and my wife at his house, overlooking the Pacific Ocean, for dinner – I had to follow the uninspiring research of my dull supervisor, although, upon enrolling in this expensive institution, I had been promised,  that I could determine my own research topic. They still owe it to me, to give my money back!  

 

I am talking about my lived experience and the sixty-five years I have been alive, I have yet to get any official credit for both the discovery as well as the formulation and conceptualization of what can become a new foundation for the field of psychology, which has not delivered. If psychologist were compared to engineers, who build bridges, they built flimsy bridges, which collapse, because they cannot hold the traffic of human interaction. The DL/EL distinction is at the very core what is mistakenly called mental or behavioral health. All behavior is regulated by our language, which means, either by our DL or by our EL. Our DL goes hand in hand with an involuntary behavioral repertoire, which is a sure recipe for the unhappy, conflicted, chaotic, meaningless lives we are living. Only ongoing EL can make us live a healthy, productive, truthful, satisfying, conscious, intelligent way of life.  

 

You just can’t believe what I say is true, but it is true, that when you finally speak out loud with yourself, tell yourself what is going on with you in your life and listen to the sound of your own voice, you will not like what you hear, because you engage in DL. You can only get to your EL, after you have fully admitted, to yourself, again and again, you don’t like the sound of your DL.                   

 

Getting used Embodied Language (EL),

Even though I discovered EL when I was about twenty, I'm still getting used to the fact that I can have it and that my ongoing EL is my Language Enlightenment (LE). You could also say, I am still not completely resolved. That last bit is apparently waiting until I die. Still, I feel very happy – even though I don't believe in having a soul – and to feel the rage of Disembodied Language (DL) every now and then is a grateful reminder of how I got to where I am today . The many positive changes keep on happening and in the wonderful life that I live, everything just keeps getting better.

 

Above all, I still have to get used to the fact, that I really am such a loving person who, despite all the lack of love, has managed to keep himself going for sixty-five years. Because of the love I experience with my wife, Bonnie, I have not become crazy, but enlightened. And there is someone, my dear Dutch friend AnnaMieke, who, like me, speaks to herself and with whom I talk weekly about EL and our LE. We both used to have a lot of drama, but now it has been resolved or it is still being resolved, in writing on our blog and in talking to ourselves, as I do here in this text or on my You Tube videos. I am truly as gilded as a priceless Rembrandt painting and I also feel something quintessentially Dutch in it, but I also appreciate Vincent van Gogh's lively play of colors. Because I have talked and listened to myself a lot, I can see and enjoy so much. There was a time when I discovered Russian classical music, through which my great sense of sadness could flow. I salute these heroes of sound, beauty and humanity.

I still can't get used to the horrible fact, that no one else is really interested in stopping their own DL and having EL. I probably just refuse to believe it. If someone like me - who has felt so sad, dissatisfied, rejected and misunderstood - could manage to stop dealing with all the misery caused by his DL, could continue with his own EL, and find, to his surprise, that the benefits of his EL continue to increase, then shouldn't that be possible for everyone? For myself I am right, thus, I know that everyone can do this.

 

The often-heard statement, we still have to get used to it, has, due to our DL, added that have-to-part to it. However, in EL there is no question of having to do or be anything. We can therefore get used to the fact, that the soup is apparently never eaten as hot as it is served. Patiently allowing our hot-tempered disgusting DL to cool down is extremely important. Swaddling, in Holland, included warming the infant by the fire. If, however, the swaddle was too tight or if one came too close to this fire, the child was believed to become hot-tempered, irritable or thoughtless by nature. Funnily enough, I still seem to be getting used to the fact that I was born. The swaddle and the fire, I am talking about, is DL, which surrounds us all.

I am suddenly reminded, just before my emigration to the United States, my mother suddenly took me aside, because she wanted to tell me something, she had never talked to me about before. I immediately felt alarmed. She let me know, that the cheerful, often-singing midwife - who was also her dear friend and who had previously helped her very well with the home birth of my two older sisters – died in a car accident only a couple of days before my birth. So, my mother was in mourning when I was born and cried incessantly. The new midwife was an impatient, cigarette-smoking, young, inexperienced woman. My mother felt that my fate in life had been determined by the sad circumstances in which I was born, and we both cried about it...

 

For a long period in my life, I was still trying to get used to the DL, I grew up with. I got upset, so many times, when I started to notice, that DL is going on everywhere. Although I shouted a lot, I always paid a huge price for my participation in DL. Since my punitive, controlling father, with his intimidating shouts, imposed his will on everyone, there was a lot of fighting and arguing in the family in which I grew up. As a child, I was always outside, to avoid this. There were also nice moments when everyone was good together, but that was always short-lived.

I know from behavioral theory, when one grows up in a situation, from which there is no escape, then a process of habituation or habit formation takes place, in which the individual survives by adapting. This is always inevitably accompanied by the development of neurotic behavior. Moreover, it has  the traumatic consequence, that the nervous system develops in such a way that an unsafe environment is experienced as normal and a safe environment as abnormal. For me, this meant that - even though I had already discovered the difference between DL and EL - I still could not believe, it was possible to continue with my own EL. I'm still getting used to that. I firmly believe, all of mankind is traumatized by our history with dreadful DL, we are just not conscious about it.

It may sound unbelievable, but, even though everyone, everywhere in the world, has been conditioned to have DL, they still can't and won't get used to it, because EL is not only possible, but desperately needed. EL is natural, effortless, self-evident, but DL is compulsive, unnatural and energy-consuming. I know that, unknowingly, we are all yearning to finally have some EL. Yet, we all tend to pretend that our DL is very normal, but if we had the choice to choose between DL or EL, we would invariably choose EL. My writing on this blog and my speaking on my You Tube channels 1) Maximus Peperkamp and 2) maximuspeperkamp-hw8sw, is to get the reader or listener used to the fact, that our usual, negative way of speaking – DL – is actually abnormal and profoundly problematic.

 

Two writings from AnnaMieke, 

Below are two beautiful writings translated from Dutch, written by my dear Dutch friend AnnaMieke, with whom I have weekly conversations about our Embodied Language (EL) and our Language Enlightenment (LE) on Skype. Come and join us. We would love that. Email me at mpeperkamp@sbcglobal.net. My skype name is limbicease. AnnaMieke writes and speaks in Dutch on Stiller Ervaren. (klompanna.blogspot.com)  and has many fabulous, fascinating, fantastic videos on her You Tube Channel: Luisterend Spreken.   

 

Portal of Silence.

 

Portal of silence that I find myself in, where the entrance to all my writing and speaking is located and I can notice what a silence can do when I stand still in the moment of experience and my voice that I have, as a cast reflection of myself can take me along, into the space I create, that walking through the portal, find reassurance in my calmness of speaking, in the flow I am in and invites me to write or speak about this in my language came into existence. Where the value of my life is placed in a link, which remains the clue in the portal of silence, to dare to take that step, to listen to yourself, to experience that your own voice demands it, to know that wearing so many other things no longer suits you. Who, under the assumption of experiencing who you really are, has been waiting for so long for the permission you give, to see what the portal of silence can bring you in life experiencing your own voice. Where embodiment can come again and let arise in what comes. The entrance that I have found in the silence that I have, in being able to experience that in every conversation, wisdom can unfold, my flow of experience can be established from the silence that I have discovered. To then be able to speak and write in the creation that this morning while I was walking I saw a stork standing and was reminded of a birth that I know well and could draw to me as very symbolic and then saw that the portal of silence showed me that this will be the entrance to speaking and writing from my language. Where my silence can be found in being able to be silent and not wanting anything else than where I am now. I walked further and saw a turtle he got lost and crossed on a busy road, where a very friendly girl picked up the turtle and put him on the other side. I was able to look at him for that little head that I saw, but when I started talking to the turtle, I saw how he stood listening to my voice and then came out and wanted to walk in the beautiful rhythm it had, in the fleetingness of the experience and that I felt how adventurous his sudden appearance brought me back to the calm and rhythm that I saw how the turtle showed itself. In the end, someone took it who had room for it, and I continued walking in the experiences I had and felt so happy in what this morning brought me again, in what I remain telling from the portal of silence, which remains in the new movement, but also continuing to feel the invitation to direct myself to the other and take you to the portal of silence, which is ultimately possible for everyone, and there you could find your own silence in order to make the attempts in the steps you take, to experience your own silence, in speaking to yourself and find your own portal there, where in your own silence you are always told how you would experience can land as you create.

 

Individuality.

 

What the individuality of understanding has taken the form of the sound that I create myself, that in my wildest dreams, the sun shines again, can greet the trees as if they were my family and let mother earth feel the tingle in the steps that I take. I put what happened to me into listening to myself. There is no similarity to be drawn in sharing on my blog or speaking as it wants to unfold, where the rhythm I feel has softened, in the readiness of my language, which so improbably no longer wants to have a similarity, than to let it arise in every moment of sharing. The layers of being in the realm of rarity, where the ergo in sounding seems no different than the wings that a bird has, than the moon is more beautiful to experience if I pay attention . My day can also start as I am writing now. No longer being crushed in what I do not know, but in the confidence in who I am, being able to look further for a single reason, that in my world there is no struggle or pleasure, or a distorted opinion, where manipulation always lies. But I can remain in my own conviction, in the value of experiencing, always put it in the foreground and always stand still, in every moment, where my beauty can arise. That the opportunity I take to tell myself and then see that my individuality has shifted to an area where my silence wants to blossom and can go along with the waving of the reeds, which in the whole of interpretation tells nothing else that I am investigating what my silence tells. It is the atmosphere that I taste of daring to experience, what silence can do to me and can present as a revelation, in speaking to myself and sitting still, no words can find more, but to experience what it feels like, what my silence now tells. Being equal and feeling one as nature can show and bending towards all the flowers that open in front of my face, in the colorful reception in my do it every day, that in the simplicity of my experience I can do this every day. My individuality in writing, but also in my speaking, where my language is the foundation, where my experience of my silence continues and can show that there is is more than what I can describe and meets my loving silence there. I rub my hair and feel on my face that the traces of some wrinkles mean little to me anymore. Because the silence I feel has a different focus than it shows in the individuality I find, daring to be as I am, in my individuality of sharing and being able to show that nothing is too crazy for me to describe from the silence that I have.

 Wennen,

 

Ook al ontdekte ik het toen ik ongeveer twintig was, ik ben er nog steeds aan het wennen, dat ik Belichaamde Taal (BT) kan hebben en dat mijn voortgaande BT mijn Taal Verlichting (TV) is. Je zou ook kunnen zeggen, dat ik nog steeds niet helemaal ben opgelost en dat dat laatste restje schijnbaar wacht totdat ik dood zal gaan. Toch voel ik mij zielsgelukkig – ook al geloof ik niet in het hebben van een ziel – en is, dat ik, af en toe, Ontlichaamde Taal (OT) kan hebben, een dankbare herinnering, aan hoe ik ben gekomen tot waar ik nu ben. De positieve veranderingen blijven zich maar aandienen en in het heerlijke leven dat ik leef, wordt alles als maar beter.

 

Ik moet er vooral nog steeds aan wennen, dat ik echt zo’n liefdevol iemand ben, die ondanks al de liefdeloosheid, zichzelf al vijfenzestig jaar lang heeft weten staande te houden. Vanwege de liefde, die ik ervaar met mijn vrouw, Bonnie, ben ik niet gek, maar verlicht geworden. En, er is een iemand, AnnaMieke, mijn dierbare Nederlandse vriendin, die net als ik, met zichzelf spreekt en waarmee ik wekelijks praat over EL en onze TV. Vroeger hadden wij beiden nog een hoop drama, maar nu is dat opgelost of lost het zich alsnog op, in het schrijven op onze blog en in het praten met  onszelf, zoals ik hier doe in deze tekst of op mijn You Tube videos. Ik ben werkelijk zo verguld als een onbetaalbaar Rembrandt-schilderij en voel hierin ook iets oer-Hollands, maar apprecieer ook het levendige kleuren-spel van Vincent van Gogh. Omdat ik veel naar mezelf heb geluisterd, kan ik zoveel zien en daarvan genieten. Er was een tijd, waarin ik Russische classieke muziek ontdekte, waardoor mijn verdriet kon stromen.

 

Ook kan ik er nog steeds niet aan wennen, dat er verder niemand echt geinteresseerd is in het stoppen van hun eigen OT en in het hebben van BT. Waarschijnlijk weiger ik het gewoon te geloven. Indien een iemand zoals ik – die zich, zo droevig, ontevreden, afgewezen en miskend  heeft gevoeld – het wist klaar te spelen, op te houden, om bezig te blijven met alle ellende, die door OT werd veroorzaakt, om voort te gaan met zijn eigen BT, en om, tot grote verbazing, te bemerken, dat de weldaad van zijn BT alsmaar blijft toenemen, dan zou dat toch voor iedereen mogelijk moeten zijn? Voor mijzelf heb ik gelijk. 

 

De veel-gehoorde uitspraak, dat we er wel nog even aan moeten wennen, heeft, vanwege onze OT, dat nare woordje moeten erbij gevoegd. In BT is er echter geen enkele sprake van moeten. We mogen en kunnen er dus aan wennen, dat de soep echt nooit zo heet wordt gegeten als hij wordt opgediend. Het geduldig laten afkoelen van onze heet-gebakerde OT is van enorm groot belang. Het bakeren bestond onder meer in het warmen van de zuigelingen bij het vuur. Kwam men daar nu te dicht bij, dan werd het kind te heet gebakerd, prikkelbaar of ondoordacht van natuur. Ik ben, grappig-genoeg schijnbaar, nog steeds aan het wennen, dat ik geboren ben. Het vuur is echter natuurlijk de OT, die ons omringd.

 

Men verweet mij vroeger heel vaak, dat ik toch niet zo heet gebakerd zou moeten zijn, maar ik heb, tot op nu – omdat ik zojuist de oorsprong opzocht op www.ensie.nl – nooit geweten wat het nou eigenlijk betekende. Men heeft het er ook wel over, dat het babietje te stijf werd ingebakerd, waardoor deze lastig of rumoerig werd. Deze uitdrukking wint aan beeldende kracht, wanneer men haar volledig hoort in de Klucht van Lichte Wigger, waar iemand tot een ander zegt: jou moer heit je te heet ghebakert voor een eicken vier. Daar ziet men een moeder of kraembewaerster met het kind op schoot, gezeten in de bakermat, over de grote schouw, waaronder eikeblokjes vlammen en knetteren.

 

Ik ben er ineens weer aan herinnerd, dat mijn moeder mij, vlak voor mijn emigratie naar de Verenigde Staten, ineens apart nam, omdat ze mij nog iets wilde vertellen, waarover ze nooit eerder met mij had gesproken. Ik voelde me meteen gealarmeerd. Ze liet ze me weten, dat de opgewekte, vaak-zingende, verloskundige – die eveneens haar dierbare vriendin was en die haar al eerder heel goed had geholpen, met de thuis-geboorte van mijn twee oudere zussen – daags voor mijn geboorte in een auto-ongeluk was overleden. Mijn moeder was dus in rouw toen ik was geboren en onophoudelijk huilde. De vreemde, plaatsvervangende, vroedvrouw, was een ongeduldige, sigaret-rokende, jonge, onervaren vrouw. Mijn moeder had het gevoel, dat ik door die droevige omstandigheid, waarin ik ter wereld was gekomen, was bepaald in mijn levenslot en we huilden hierover allebei…

 

Mijn hele lang leven al, ben ik aan het wennen, om niet weer van de kaart te raken over de OT, waarin ik was opgegroeid. Ofschoon, ik ook zelf heel wat heb afgeschreeuwd, heb ik altijd een enorme prijs betaald, voor mijn deelname aan DL. Omdat mijn overheersende vader, met zijn straffende geschreeuw, aan iedereen zijn wil oplegde, was er veel ruzie in de familie waarin ik opgroeide. Ik was als kind altijd buiten, om hieraan te kunnen ontkomen. Er waren ook wel mooie momenten, waarin iedereen goed met elkaar was, maar dat was altijd van korte duur.

 

Ik weet van de gedragsleer, dat als men in een situatie opgroeit – waaruit als kind niet valt te ontsnappen – vindt er een soort gewenning of gewoonte-vorming plaast, waarin het individu overleeft door zich aan te passen. Dit gaat altijd onvermijdelijk gepaard met de ontwikkeling van  neurotisch gedrag. In het ergste geval heeft dit als traumatisch gevolg, dat het zenuwgestel zich zo ontwikkeld, dat een onveilige omgeving als normaal wordt ervaren en een veilige omgeving als abnormaal. Dit heeft voor mij betekend, dat ik – ofschoon ik het verschil tussen OT en BT al had ontdekt – het toch niet kon geloven, dat het mogelijk was om met BT verder te gaan. Ik ben daaraan dus nog steeds aan het wennen.

 

Het klinkt misschien ongelovelijk, maar, ook al is iedereen, overal ter wereld, geconditioneerd om OT te hebben, toch kan en wil men er maar niet aan wennen, omdat BT niet alleen mogelijk is, maar hoognodig is. BT is natuurlijk, moeiteloos, vanzelf-sprekend, maar OT is dwangmatig, onnatuurlijk en energie-verslindend. Ongemerkt smachten we allemaal om eindelijk BT te kunnen hebben. We doen allemaal wel net alsof OT heel normaal is, maar als wij de keus zouden hebben, om te kiezen tussen OT of BT, kiezen we steevast BT. Mijn schrijven op deze blog en mijn spreken op mijn You Tube kanalen 1) Maximus Peperkamp en 2) maximuspeperkamp-hw8sw, is om de lezer of luisteraar eraan te laten wennen, dat onze gebruikelijke wijze van spreken – DL – dus eigenlijk abnormaal en zeer problematisch is.