March 10, 2015

March 10, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Behavioral Engineer

Dear Reader, 

 

It was only by talking out loud with himself that this writer finally became capable of prolonging his Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) and decreasing his Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). This is what he suggests to the reader. It was after he began to experience more SVB by himself, by talking out loud and by listening to his voice while he speaks, that he became capable of explaining this to others, who reinforced him, because it worked. 

There has not been one seminar or session in which this writer wasn’t able to explain it to others. Only in the very beginning, when this writer still wanted others to listen to him, to understand him, to agree with him and to approve of him, was he again and again having NVB instead of SVB, because he was trying to impress others and he was trying to convince them, struggling to get and keep their attention and trying to say it in ways that would have an impact, but that always had an adverse effect. 

The three reasons why we keep having NVB, were later identified as three pins on the gong, which prevents it from resonating. First, our outward orientation, based on the unwritten NVB-rule that we must listen to others, but not to ourselves, makes us speak with a sound that feels uncomfortable to us. Second, the fallacy that we are responsible for our own behavior, that we supposedly cause it, makes us struggle to get the approval from others. Third, when we are not at ease, we try to control our environment, others, with words; that is, we fixate on the verbal and disconnect from the nonverbal. These three traditions: 1) outward orientation, 2) struggle for attention and 3) verbal fixation, change the way in which we sound. In NVB we remain trapped by these related communication routines, but in SVB, these habits have been stopped.