Problems,  

 

When I first noticed, I was enlightened, it was a big surprise. Until that shocking moment, I had always believed and hoped – if it would happen – I would be without any problems. I don’t know, how I could have been, for so long, so sure about that, yet, at the turbulent time of my self-realization, I was having so many problems, that my desperate search for some relief, naturally resulted in the assumption that my enlightenment would be the end of all my problems. However, this was not at all the case.

 

I know this may sound strange, but it really is how it happened or how I experienced my enlightenment, back then. Immediately, I was harshly confronted with the seemingly impossible challenge of how to communicate with others about my transformation. Since I had discovered enlightenment while talking out loud with myself, I wanted nothing else, then to talk with others, in the same way, as I was talking with myself. However, others weren’t inclined to talk with themselves and to listen to themselves, like I was and during the many years of exploring how to change that, it was only me, who got better and better, in talking with himself and listening to himself, as others became less and less important.

 

Nowadays, we hear a lot about men, who come out as women or about women, who come out as men. Currently, transgenderism is, so to speak, the talk of the town. I view this new social trend, as another failed attempt, at addressing and changing the way in which we talk. Our usual unenlightened way of talking is disembodied, that is, we forget about our body while we speak. In Embodied Language (EL), however, we can precisely, calmly and thoroughly express our own experience. My EL made me hear and recognize my Language Enlightenment (LE), but  the way in which I was conditioned to deal with my language, which I call Disembodied Language (DL), could never have done that. Surely, no matter how much I wanted to, initially, I felt totally incapable of coming out with my LE, as I was still having DL, out of my old habit. Each time I tried to talk about EL, I was having DL and I only created more problems for myself. Eventually, I gave up trying convey to others what happened to me, some forty-five years ago.

 

It is hilarious, to look back and realize, that I myself just couldn’t believe it, that it had really happened. I wondered, how could someone like me, who had so many problems, be enlightened? I set out to prove to myself, that I had just been exaggerating, as I had been doing all along, from a young age. As a child, I was always lying. I couldn’t believe or understand, why I was doing that again and again, as I always got caught lying red-faced. I was punished for it so many times and yet, somehow, I ended up lying again.

 

I have always been a terrible liar. I felt, I was cursed, as with me, people immediately seemed to notice, if I was lying. Whenever I lie, it is, so to speak, written all over my face. I probably kept doing it, to get some attention. Only now it is clear to me, why I couldn’t stop myself from lying. I have always been willing to give people what they wanted to hear. I knew, that as long as I did that, they would at least tolerate me and not send me away, as they did, so many times. In other words, I knew how others wanted me to behave, but every time I forgot to lie, I got myself in trouble. It seemed so unfair, others always got away with their lies, while I never did.

 

At some point, after the fifth-millionth time feeling rejected for my EL, by people with DL, I knew, that for myself, I wasn’t lying about my enlightenment, but, to get any kind of response from others, I had to weave some kind of story around it. Basically, I have in vain tried to water down my enlightenment, as I noticed, again and again, others simply couldn’t handle it. My problems didn’t go away, as after my enlightenment, they increased even more. At this point in my life, I don’t care that much about others anymore, as I have come into my own. Besides, to me, others are always what I make them out to be.

 

Although I have been accused of it many times, I am happy to say, I never felt like being a guru or having a following of disciples. While I studied psychology and philosophy of science for many years, I am so glad, I never became a psychologist. I feel relieved, I am no longer teaching at the college and have left academia. Yes, I did have the urge to talk about my enlightenment, as I knew, that it was possible to talk with people, in the exact same way I was capable of talking with myself. After I left teaching psychology, I also left teaching about my EL and EL. In retrospect, it all became clear to me, that, in my lying-teaching, I had unknowingly continued my own DL, although, paradoxically, I was and I still am enlightened.

 

These days, I can’t help but admit, all my so-called problems were just exaggerations, not to get some attention, but to distract myself from my own DL. Since I can now give myself the attention I want, I no longer crave the attention of others, which, mostly, is a kind of attention, I don’t want anyway. My skill, to verbally take care of myself, could only develop,  as I became capable of continuing my own EL. In the meantime, I’ve also learned to play the ukulele and I can now accompany my songs with my instrument.

 

Who could have known, that I would develop this musical ability, which gives me such great pleasure, as it symbolizes a sense of completion. All my songs are about my DL, EL and my LE. I never get tired of creating and singing them. Sometimes, I sing a song I haven’t sung for a while. When I sing it, it makes me feel so accomplished, grateful and satisfied.

 

I believe it was Wednesday, I suddenly noticed, it doesn’t make any difference for me anymore, if I sing or not. It doesn’t matter, what I do or where I am, as I am always myself, I am enlightened. Even now, I am still amazed by my enlightenment, which began so many years ago and stimulated me to stop my DL, so that I could have EL. Anyone who comes to know about the difference between DL and EL, arrives at the same conclusion: DL is only stopped by having faith, not in your so-called higher power, not in your higher self, but in your LE, that is, in your natural self, which doesn’t lie and, thus, wants you to do that. Your EL goes on beautifully, by itself, as it reveals your LE, in spite of all your problems, which disappear, often without you even noticing it.