Pond,
When you
throw a rock in the pond, there will be a ripple effect and when you use a
particular word, you trigger for yourself, but also, for others, a whole set of
reactions. We, unknowingly, constantly, react to our own language or to the
language of others. Our reactivity prevents us from responding or from using
our language for us, instead of against us. We have weaponized our language, as
we believe, we can win the argument. Surely, the language we use, isn’t really our
language, as we are possessed by it, rather than in charge of it and use it as
we want to.
When we look
into the clear water of the pond and watch the red carps swimming around, we
become aware of the sound of the words, we use, while we speak and, suddenly,
without any practice, without any effort, we engage in Embodied Language (EL),
as our usual Disembodied Language (DL) has come to an end. This shift in our
attention, had nothing to do with the words we said, as we didn’t say anything,
that is, we didn’t speak, to have others listen to us, but we spoke, to be able
to listen to ourselves.
The pond is
not a metaphor for our language, since anything that comes to, supposedly, represent
our language, creates more confusion. People compare language to water, music, consciousness, poetry,
comfort, health, illness, escape, worry or struggle, but such indirect use of
language is the basis for DL. In EL, we
don’t compare our language to anything and, consequently, our words begin to make
sense. We call it having peace of mind, but we finally are able to use our language
correctly and joyfully.
We say, a
picture speaks a thousand words, but we don’t realize, we engage, as usual, in
DL. We even claim, we think in pictures, but this is only the way in which we
speak, as neuroscientists have never found any words or pictures inside our
brain. Our DL takes us into all kinds of falsehoods,
which only become clear, if our DL has been stopped. Perhaps, it helps to meditate
near a pond, but most likely it will not make any difference, unless we start
talking out loud with ourselves and listening to the sound of our voice, so we
can hear, we no longer sound so agitated, fragmented, confused and disappointed.
Only if there’s
not a whiff of wind, the surface of the pond will be smooth as glass and perfectly
reflect the single fluffy cloud, which is floating through the inky sky and temporarily
obfuscating the full moon. By describing what is in our attention, we become
attentive and whatever was attracting and holding our attention, is now giving
us attention. In DL, we, as speakers or as writers, always demand the listener’s
or the reader’s attention, but in EL, the speaker is him or herself the
listener and the writer is him or herself the reader. During EL, there is no
other listener, than the speaker him or herself and no other reader, than the
writer him or herself. Our inability to conceptualize this, shows that we use
our language unintelligently and unrealistically.
To speak and
to imagine, there exists is a listener, other than we ourselves, is to
fantasize about yet another pipe-dream, which is a nightmare, since we are never
really listened to by the other. Likewise, to write, in the hope or in the belief,
that others will read, understand or appreciate it, prevents us from
acknowledging, that we can have our own language and, therefore, our own
understanding of ourselves. Like the previously described fixation on words, this
outward orientation, also changes the sound of our voice and makes us sound
demanding and draining.
In DL, we force
others to listen to us, but they never really listen, as they don’t want to listen,
because we don’t speak in a manner, which elicits listening. As I have stated, we
either react or respond, but our ability to do one or the other, isn’t, as we would
all like to believe, voluntary. To the contrary, any kind of threat, even a perceived
threat, elicits – whether we admit it or not, talk about it or not, are aware about
it or not – an involuntary, autonomic or mobilization reaction. Similarly, what
Stephen Porges has called, neuroception, that is, our awareness of whether we
are safe instead of threatened, is also involuntary, it just happens, as we are
all innately wired to survive. When we feel safe, we know, we feel safe and we
know, because our DL has stopped and we have EL. Only during EL, do we use our
language voluntarily.
I happen to know
two famous Americans authors, who are somewhat obsessed with ponds. In his book
Walden Two, B.F. Skinner steps into the shoes of the transcendentalist H.D.
Thoreau, who wrote Walden; or Life in the Woods. Thoreau was a writer and
Skinner had also wanted to become a writer before he became a behavioral
scientist. Thoreau’s text, was a reflection upon his simple living in natural
surroundings and Skinner’s book was an illustration of what a society could be
like, if it was based on his behavioral principles. Both men are examples of the
great American ideal of personal freedom, independence and self-reliance. Thoreau
lived for two years in a self-made hut, near the Walden Pond. Skinner also always
did his own thing and he single-handedly created behavioral analysis. Like so many
other so-called great thinkers, these men and Porges too, attempted to stop DL and
have EL, but they didn’t succeed, as they considered, what was written, as more important, than what was
spoken.
When I
started out writing this text, with pond as my theme, I didn’t know, I was
going to write and remember what I just did. In this last paragraph, I want to
speak about a pond, I once sat at, in the night, when I still lived in the
Netherlands. It was so beautiful and so peaceful. One night, however, a
gigantic branch, broke off and came crashing down right next to me. It could have killed me, but
I just continued to sit there and I was feeling so grateful. I am now also
reminded of a poem I wrote back then.
Park
Sounds of
cars are far away
The park is
dark and still
I like to be
here on my own until
Underneath
my favorite tree
Feeling its
depth and height
Peaceful unknown
energy
Fills me up
with light