Friday, January 19, 2018

January 12, 2018

Dear Reader,

I keep having remarkably vivid, happy dreams about Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). I just woke up from such a dream. It seems to me as if I am only dreaming about SVB these days. Every day is filled with SVB and so are my dreams. I want you to know that this wasn’t always the case. It has only been in the last couple of weeks that this has begun to occur and it is only just now that I took note of it. I used to have incredibly paranoid and tormenting dreams. They were nightmares really in which everything which could go wrong went wrong. It was a relief to wake up from such fearful dreams, but those terrible dreams back then filled me with a sense of impending doom.

The changes which have happened to me and are happening every day, are also going to happen to you once you begin to engage in SVB regularly. Like I stated, this wasn’t always the case either. I used to want to have SVB, but not have it, but now I that I am having it every day, I am amazed to find I no longer long for it. There was a time when my life was a anxious and disorderly mess, but now my days are filled with beautiful conversations, friends, music, study, work, nature and writings like these. If today would be the last day of my life, I would die happily.

A tremendous reversal has been taking place. I used to be involved in Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) and I would argue with just about everyone. The greatest injustice, as far as I could see, was that everyone was so very convinced that they were right, but that I was wrong. Also, it seemed so unfair that with me it was always obvious I was wrong. I have always admitted my wrong doings and even though I tried to lie as child, I was always found out. At the same time, it was unacceptable to me that those who were mean, forceful and dishonest, seemed to be right and could continue doing what they were doing without me. Presumably, I was the one who made all the mistakes and I was punished, rejected, avoided and silenced each time I had angrily protested and spoken out.

In the dream I just woke up from, I was talking with people who had previously ridiculed me. They had read my writings and were asking what it meant. I was at long last having the conversation with them which I had been asking for so many times, but which they had refused. They had studied my writings and had come prepared with some questions. They were holding the printed versions of my writings in their hands and were tightly holding on to it as if this was going to be their final proof that I was wrong and that they were right. They thought they had the evidence in their hands and as they spoke, they read my text from the paper. My response was similar to what I had written and as they listened to me, they slowly looked up, lowered their papers and begun to really talk. We engaged in SVB. They now read my writings out loud while they engaged in SVB with me and they expressed their awe about that it didn’t matter at all whether they read my writing or talked with me.

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