September 21, 2016

September 21, 2016

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Reader,

People say all sorts of things without realizing what they are saying. They talk about “bouncing ideas off of each other” or “brain-storming.”  We disconnect during the former and experience the latter as chaos.

We have never generated new ideas during Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). In Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB), on the other hand, new ideas are stimulated as communicators enjoy each other instead of compete. 

In NVB we compete for each other’s attention. In NVB we are always listening to someone who dominates the conversation and regardless how much we complain, we don’t even realize what we are really doing. 

If listeners would recognize that the speaker is dominating, we would all speak differently, but the exact opposite happens. When listeners open their mouth they also mainly try to force others to listen to them. 

In NVB nobody realizes that our conversation is a struggle. This doesn’t mean that we don’t take note of the fact that we feel negative, we do, but this only strengthens our NVB and it doesn’t create SVB. 

Even if we try to have non-violent communication, we engage in NVB as we don’t discriminate the difference between SVB and NVB. There is no violent communication as violence makes communication impossible.

There is neither violent nor no non-violent communication, but there is definitely SVB and NVB. Communication only occurs in the absence of aversive stimulation. In such a safe environment SVB can and will occur.

We are conditioned by and mechanically imitating each other’s NVB. This prevents us from discovering, exploring and utilizing SVB. At best we experience instances of SVB, but these are overruled by our NVB.

September 20, 2016

September 20, 2016

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Reader,

I tell each of my students and clients that they are pioneers of a new way communicating. It is important to understand and acknowledge that we haven’t had any ongoing Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). 

Although we have had brief moments of SVB, we have not had it continuously, as we were not skillful enough and as we didn’t know enough about the environment in which we are be able to continue it.

Each time we have SVB in an accidental manner, we are going to be faced again with the frustration of losing it as we are unable to re-establish it. It is out of a nagging longing that we pay closer attention.

Our lack of knowledge about what is needed for SVB to be possible is such that we want it to happen when it can’t happen, but we fail to take notice of what is available when it happens. Improvement is possible. 

We are unknowingly mostly busy with Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). Since we don’t know the SVB/NVB distinction, we neither recognize SVB nor NVB. We are familiar with NVB as we have had ongoing NVB. 

Familiarity with NVB doesn’t do us any good if it isn’t contrasted with SVB. We can only know NVB in contrast with SVB and SVB in contrast with NVB. In other words, we cannot know one without the other. 

As long as we know neither one of these universal response classes we continue to believe that NVB is more important than SVB. Oddly, we go out of our way to prove that NVB is right and we mainly neglect SVB. 

We have more NVB than SVB because environments in which NVB occur require less of our attention than environments in which SVB occurs. Our lack of attention for our environment sets the stage for NVB.

Speakers affect listeners with their voice, but this topic is usually off limits. We can see and hear how listeners are affected, but we fail to notice how we ourselves are affected by the sound of our own voice.   

September 19, 2016

September 19, 2016 

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Reader,

I am not helpless or afraid to act. I know exactly what I do and accept the consequences of my actions. The people who are in my life are as I view them. Each of my students and each of my clients can attest to the fact that as the semester passes, as they see and hear me more often, their interactions with others and with themselves are changing. 

As their knowledge about spoken communication changes, they begin to develop new repertoire and have different opportunities. Pessimism and cynicism change into naturalism and optimism. By addressing and by understanding our social problems we practice a different way of life which is more balanced. As we learn about the distinction between Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) and Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) it is apparent that this progress was impossible without this distinction. 

We were lacking the skill to produce ongoing SVB and produced NVB by default. It is nobody’s fault as there was nobody who was able to teach it. It took me many years to accept that I am apparently the only one who knows enough to be able to teach about the SVB/NVB distinction. 

This is not because I am special, but because I have had a behavioral history which prepared me for this. You too can learn about and teach SVB and NVB which are two entirely natural and verifiable phenomena. 

When you talk with me, you discriminate these two response classes without any effort. There is nothing exclusive about the SVB/NVB distinction and when you learn about it you will be able to pass it on to others regardless of where they come from. The application of this science of spoken communication reliably creates better relationships. Moreover, the presence of SVB always signifies the absence of NVB.

September 18, 2016

September 18, 2016 

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Reader,

Yesterday my clients and I laughed a lot as we were exploring how people say all sort of things which they don’t really mean. For instance, people say they are sorry, but they are not sorry. They say: “I don’t mean to disturb you”, but they disturb you anyway; they say: “I don’t mean rain on your parade, but…” they rain on your parade; or “I hate to bring it to you, but…” they seem to enjoy telling you everything that is wrong about you; others may say “I don’t mean to interrupt, but..”, they interrupt you; or “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”, they are rude to you. 

What are we to make of this? Does saying what we do justify what we do? We say “I don’t mean to sound harsh, but…” we say something which sounds harsh. It is obvious that we affect each other with the sound of our voice. Moreover, in each of these examples the speaker knows damned well he or she produces Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). 

Someone may say “I don’t mean to cut you off, but…” they cut you off; “I don’t mean to judge you, but..” they judge you; and “I don’t mean to upset you” when they upset you. In each of these cases the listener is likely to experience the speaker’s voice as an aversive stimulus. 

As these examples illustrate, the speaker knows he or she dominates the listener, but he or she covers it up by saying what he or she says. It is very common.  Listeners may say of such a dominating speaker: “he likes to hear himself talk”, but what they really mean is that he forces them to listen to him and, therefore, he is not listening to himself at all, as is always the case in NVB. The NVB speaker doesn’t listen to himself or herself as this would change his or her insensitive demeanor.