November 18, 2014

November 18, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

 

This writer is still recovering from being rejected so often. He has experienced it so many times that he has got accustomed to it. Especially in his work, his livelihood, he is inclined to think that he will be fired, reprimanded or scolded for doing something wrong whenever someone around him is closed off, not feeling well, not giving him attention or serious and withdrawn. Whenever these signals appear, he feels uneasy and nervous. Today, his boss came to talk with him and his colleague. It was to get ideas about how to improve our services for our clients, but he feared to be judged as no good.

The opposite was the case. He was praised for his ideas and felt relieved to find out that the reason for the meeting was not because something wasn't right. The expectation that there was something wrong had been a big problem for this writer. It was almost like a self-fulfilling prophesy. It ruined many of his chances. Now, something new is happening. He is successful. He is not perfect, but he is doing a good job at what he does. He likes to interact with parolees. They like him. He gives them male support. That is something many of these clients have been missing their entire lives. Also, that was something he had been missing in his live. Things are very different now. 

Also at his other job as a college instructor, this writer was bracing for his evaluation. The students filled out forms to evaluate him and this writer was fearing the meeting he was going to have with the chair of the psychology department. This semester, however, she doesn’t need to meet with him about the evaluation. She wished him a happy Thanks Giving and stated that she liked the email message he had send to her. This writer was also in his teaching job prepared to hear that he is no good, but the reality is that the students like him and that he is pretty popular and successful as a college instructor. It is unbelievable to this author that this is really happening to him, but it is. 

Things are gradually changing in the life of this author. He is no longer in contact with any of his family members and his life has been improving ever since. Occasionally, he still thinks of them, but he no longer contacts them in the hope to be accepted. As time goes by, the longer he hasn’t had any contact with his family, the better he feels. He could have never thought this would be happening to him this way, but things are really good.