May 18, 2014

May 18, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

 

It is quite a development for me to finally be able to say stuff only to myself instead of to others and to get in trouble for it. It is not so much a feeling of having to keep things to myself, but rather a sense of relief that I can admit to myself that I really don’t like certain people and need to stay away from them as far as possible. My self-talk guides me to my safety and that feels great. 

There are many things that I could say, but I don’t say them because I say it to myself and that is enough and very satisfying. Only I get to know about it and others have to figure it out on their own. I am not responsible for them. If people act like jerks, I am perfectly okay admitting this to myself. Actually, it feels great to know that I am perfectly okay and that if they are acting inconsiderately, I don’t need to do anything else but to keep my distance. 

I love my own cynicism these days. I trust what I know and I don’t need to prove my point to anyone anymore. I noticed something new in my behavior the other day. During last week I have, for the first time it seems, began to avoid people their eyes more often. By not looking them in the face, it has become easier for me to stay with myself. By rejecting and deflecting demanding and negative stares, I find myself more protected and capable of having my boundary.  

I have no problem identifying and avoiding the topics which others would like to use to exert their dominance over me and pressure me. I will not let them know that I know, but I will keep them guessing and I will talk total nonsense to make that happen. I will even let them dislike me. Rejection is now my badge of honor. I don’t need idiots. I don’t miss them and I don’t think they have anything to offer to me. I feel very good about my ability to get and to stay out of their way. 

It is a victory which didn’t come easy, but at long last I am laughing. I am not responsible for all the trouble that people are in. The fact that I can recognize and accept it makes me think that they must work it out themselves. It is a new thing for me to not feel troubled by the misery of others. This is how things are supposed to be. I am no longer a candidate for being a victim. I am glad to know what I know and to be able to say to myself that I am really better than that!