October 7, 2016

October 7, 2016

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Reader,

Whenever people speak up or make their voices heard, they engage in Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). In each case they raise their voice which is experienced by the listener as an aversive stimulus. Yet, they do this in an attempt to get the listener to listen to them. They felt they weren’t listened to. By loudly stating their case they think they can coerce others to listen to them. Such assertive people want to be taken serious and want others to know they are not to be messed with.

NVB speakers are ready to fight back whatever according to them is wrong and they are going to make a stand even if things are going to get ugly. We want to have a voice and if we are not listened to we get confrontational. Who cares about the freedom of speech? If nobody is listening to us it seems as if we don’t even have a voice anymore. This sets the stage for others who then presumably become our voice. They talk about peace, compassion, collaboration and progress, but the fact is: political, religious and corporate leaders constantly engage in NVB.

In Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) we don’t need to make our voice heard, we don’t need to speak up, as we are listening to each other. Moreover, in SVB we are listening to ourselves while we speak. That process sets the stage for listening to others. Without this listening to ourselves we are incapable of listening to others. We are not listening to each other as long as we are not listening to ourselves. In NVB we force others to listen to us, but in SVB we listen to ourselves and others listen to a speaker who listens to him or herself. Such a speaker sounds different than a NVB speaker. The SVB speaker sounds good to the listener.

  

Even if we are not very used to it, we all produce at times some SVB. It is a big problem that worldwide SVB is reinforced much less often than NVB. We have given many fictional explanations for why human beings can’t get along. The reality is that they already get along each time they engage in SVB. Without SVB nothing would get done in this world.

SVB naturally occurs when people affiliate peacefully. NVB also occurs naturally as it is the sound that determines our place in the hierarchy. SVB transcends NVB. Each successful couple knows, although they go overboard on NVB, they get back on track with each other with SVB.

It cannot be a coincidence that across the globe we find higher rates of NVB than SVB. Yet, it is obvious that certain cultures have higher rates of SVB than others. This means that in certain cultures there is more equality than in others. We can only have SVB when we are equal, when we are no longer set apart due to hierarchical, biological, social or economic differences. SVB is for equal rights for equal opportunity.

SVB also deals with resources and with the environment. With SVB we will all have access to resources as we don’t compete with each other. Moreover, in SVB we consider each other as our environment. SVB involves a paradigm shift as we come to terms with our evolutionary heritage. Of course, SVB doesn’t change our genetic endowment, but it highlights how often our relationships are jeopardized by our biology.

Babies innately scream for their mother’s attention. NVB, in which the speaker demands the listener’s attention, has its roots in evolutionary history. However, our biology is shaped by our environment and this is how SVB and NVB come about. Just like languages, SVB and NVB are learned behaviors. Even if we were raised within a particular verbal community, we can move away and still learn another language.

It is often said that change can only happen if the situation demands it. When speakers demand the listener’s attention they produce NVB. Demanding speakers have not produced any change. Change can and will only happen when the speakers stop demanding the listener’s attention. We stop being demanding speakers when we listen to ourselves while we speak. Only when we hear our own voice will we notice if we produce SVB or NVB. The SVB speaker doesn’t aversively influence the listener.