November 30, 2015

November 30, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Students,

People have different behavioral histories in which they have experienced different rates of SVB and NVB. When we consider SVB and NVB by ourselves, we must realize that our speaking and listening behaviors have different behavioral histories too. In NVB our speaking is happening at the expense of our listening or our listening is happening at the expense of our speaking. In both cases, speaking and listening behavior happen at different rates. The more NVB we have, the greater the difference will be between our speaking and our listening behavior. Obviously, such a difference always separates the speaker from the listener. This separation occurs as our belief in the inner causation of behavior gets us stuck with the explanatory fiction called the speaker and the listener. There is in reality neither a speaker nor a listener. These are reifications, verbs that turned into nouns. There is only speaking and listening, two different behaviors which were conditioned at different times in different environments in the early stages of our verbal development.

Once you have that right it is very easy to join your speaking and your listening behavior and to attain SVB by yourself. Once again, you don’t cause your own SVB, it happens as you realize that speaking and listening behavior was not joined. Whether you know it or not, speaking and listening behavior already happen simultaneously. Due to NVB you were led to believe they will always continue to happen at different rates. Once you listen to yourself while you speak, it is self-evident that speaking and listening happen at the same rate. Just because nobody has stimulated you to explore this doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. Consequently, you can, all by yourself, effortlessly achieve SVB. It is of great significance that you as a speaker produce a sound which you as a listener find soothing. As you speak with that sound, you find that you become more and more relaxed. Also, you notice that speaking with a voice that gives you energy makes you and keeps you conscious. Since this vibration was absent in NVB, you realize that NVB has kept you unconscious. During SVB you become more and more quiet. This contradicts your NVB experience in which talking upsets and agitates you or makes you feel tired or drained. Listening is to speaking as having your eyes open is to seeing. 

November 29, 2015

November 29, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Students,

Once you experience and understand the great difference between Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) and Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB), you know these two different response classes are maintained by very different environments. However, when I say environments, I mean people with different behavioral histories. Those who have more SVB than NVB have entirely different behavioral histories than those who keep having more NVB than SVB. Moreover, those who have increasingly more SVB don’t and can’t talk with those who have increasingly more NVB. Thus, when SVB increases, things happen by themselves rather than presumably by you. This is a great relief which cannot be compared to anything you already know. It is new and, remarkably, this newness remains.

Any attempt on your part to achieve SVB with someone who is more inclined towards NVB is based on your misunderstanding of SVB and NVB. Your wanting to have more SVB is based on your ignorance about how it really works. In NVB people believe they cause their own behavior, but in SVB we finally overcome this long-held, silly belief. If you still try to have SVB by yourself, as I have suggested, you will find that you will only have it when you give up trying to have it. Your failure to accurately assess others is directly related to your inability to appreciate the fact that SVB with yourself is of course also not caused by you. Whenever you revert back again to this false explanation that your behavior is caused by you, you will have NVB by yourself.

Whether you talk with yourself and listen to yourself while you speak or whether you talk with others, both circumstances either set the stage for SVB or NVB. It doesn’t matter whether you talk with yourself or with others, the circumstances are the same when SVB or NVB occurs. When you are with others it is much harder to verify this, but when you are alone this is easy to do. Once you experimented with the SVB/NVB distinction by yourself, you will become capable of accurately assessing the SVB and NVB in others. As long as you haven’t experimented on your own you will be incapable of accurately accessing others. It is equally problematic to think that others are causing their own behavior or that you are causing your own behavior. In both cases you engage in NVB. We co-regulate each other and ourselves in SVB, but we dis-regulate each other and ourselves in NVB.

November 28, 2015

November 28, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Students,

The death of my father in law a couple of years ago was a major event in my life. Last time we were visiting my mother in law, I was still mourning his departure, but this time I was no longer sad about his death. My mother in law also seemed to have moved on as there were new pictures of him at her house, which weren’t there before. I still thought of him and so did my wife, but there was no longer that feeling of loss. One moment, I closed my eyes and I thought what a blessing it has been for me to know my father in law. My connection with my own father was never that good, but my relationship with him has always been very reinforcing.

As I am writing these words I realize I have been in a different environment. My mother in law lives in China Town in Oakland. As I am thinking about the difference between my father in law and my own father, I understand that coming to the United States has been a great gift to me. I occasionally still read a Dutch newspaper online, but I no longer feel like I am Dutch. This is progress for me and my nostalgic feelings about Holland seem to have finally left me. I have decided some years ago to stop all contact with my family. No matter who I talked with, I kept being negatively affected. I no longer feel the sadness of not being in contact with my family. I have come to terms with it.

Strange that the separation between me and my family has become final. I could have never believed that this would happen and that I would feel okay about deciding this. On numerous occasions I have revisited this decision. Each time I back-tracked, I started feeling miserable again. Not too long ago, I wrote a letter in which I explained to myself my decision, but when I read it to my wife it was clear I didn’t want to send it. I am not imagining about going back to Holland anymore. My life is shaped by my exploration of Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) and I had to leave those who were unable to have SVB with me. I don't think other people who learn about SVB will have to do the same as I did. It was a decision I had to make. My family demonized me for insisting on SVB and I kept feeling upset about that. A compromise was no longer possible. I no longer feel stuck in NVB as I stopped all contact with my family. I am happy to have so much SVB without them. Also, I am happy I left behind the people who didn’t have the behavioral history to come along with me. I still care about them and I don’t blame them, but I am no longer wasting my time with them. It took me a long time before I was ready to decide as I did, but I am glad I was able to make this decision.

November 27, 2015

November 27, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Students,

I celebrated Thanksgiving with my Chinese family. Since I was also reading your papers, I didn’t talk very much, but this put me in a unique position. My sleep was deep and restful. There is a relationship between the quality of sleep and our involvement in SVB or NVB. For someone like me, who is used to doing a lot of talking, less talk is better for sleep, but for those who don’t do a lot of talking, I hypothesize that talking will improve their sleep. Don’t take my word for it and try out if this is true. Sleep problems are predicted by our involvement NVB or our lack of involvement in SVB. Manic people go for days without sleep as they talk too much. Less talking will help them to gain better sleep. Depressed people may sleep too much; they will be more awake by being involved in more and better conversation.

Of course, the baseline of each person is important. My wife, who generally doesn’t talk very much, was very talkative with her mother. Besides sleep, good conversation also affects the relationship. I was not much part of the conversation as I was grading your papers, but this seemed to contribute to better dynamics. The family gathering was positive and there was no stress or aversive stimulation. In other words, there were many instances of Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). My wife’s mother, whose husband died three years ago, was dominant and hyper, but happy. She was constantly cooking something and fussing with her things in the kitchen. Many times I heard her laugh loudly. She has a girlish laughter, which makes her sound young although she is in her eighties. Also the other family members, who often don’t talk very much, were more talkative this time. My wife’s brother, who is usually rather introverted, this time talked comfortably and seemed to genuinely enjoy the occasion. Food is very important in Chinese culture and Thanksgiving dinner has something extra. 

I enjoy being with wife's family, but when I am with them I never talk much. When I for the first time met them I felt left out of the conversation as I don't know how to speak Cantonese. This time, however, although, as usual, I didn’t say much, I felt included in the conversation. Occasionally the attention came my way and when it did it felt right. This  is a relatively new experience that very little can be enough. A lot of my talking in the past was based on feelings of anxiety. Nowadays I am able to wait for the right moment. When conversation happens, it happens. I notice this mostly with my wife. Our best conversations are those which are started by her.

November 26, 2015

November 26, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Students,

During Thanksgiving Break I have read and scored your papers. Many of you have written about things you struggle with. You have taught me a great deal about depression, post-partum, anxiety,  depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, the unanswered questions about 9-11, schizophrenia, medication, PSTD, ADHD, autism, sexual abuse, anorexia, verbal abuse, OCD, divorce, abandonment, stress, insomnia, color blindness, magic mushrooms, marijuana, addiction, alcoholism, night terrors, the use of electronica instead of real interaction and Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) to address and remediate these immense disorders.

I am moved and intrigued by your matter-of-factness and I realize that our class is a sample of American culture. I didn’t grow up like you.  I grew up in the Netherlands, where there is much more equality and less violence. Although I admire your toughness and resilience, I acknowledge there is only so much anyone can do to deal with one’s issues. Life continues regardless whether one sinks or swims. However, many of you have expressed thoughts about SVB or the lack thereof and were able to analyze their problems in terms of the ubiquity of Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). Those of you who praised SVB spoke of it as if it was the last straw you were hanging onto. I’m sad that SVB is missing from your lives.

As I was speaking with you today, I was aware of my  authority and responsibility. I was responding to the troubles you have shared with me and I emphasized once more that without SVB we are falling apart. In two weeks fall semester will be over and I will no longer be in the position to influence your behavior. During these last meetings you can experience the accumulative effects of my teaching. As some of you courageously read your papers to the class, the conversation was no longer about psychology topics from a book, but it was about our lifes. By reading what you had written, the dissociative effects of NVB were temporarily suspended and reality was visible and audible. I am proud of what you have achieved and I can hear that many of you are on your way to better things than what you have so far experienced. Your exploration of verbal behavior will continue and novel experiences are awaiting you in spite of your previous conditioning. Your behavioral changes are small and incremental. It is out of these minimal steps that a new future will be born.