November 27, 2015

November 27, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Students,

I celebrated Thanksgiving with my Chinese family. Since I was also reading your papers, I didn’t talk very much, but this put me in a unique position. My sleep was deep and restful. There is a relationship between the quality of sleep and our involvement in SVB or NVB. For someone like me, who is used to doing a lot of talking, less talk is better for sleep, but for those who don’t do a lot of talking, I hypothesize that talking will improve their sleep. Don’t take my word for it and try out if this is true. Sleep problems are predicted by our involvement NVB or our lack of involvement in SVB. Manic people go for days without sleep as they talk too much. Less talking will help them to gain better sleep. Depressed people may sleep too much; they will be more awake by being involved in more and better conversation.

Of course, the baseline of each person is important. My wife, who generally doesn’t talk very much, was very talkative with her mother. Besides sleep, good conversation also affects the relationship. I was not much part of the conversation as I was grading your papers, but this seemed to contribute to better dynamics. The family gathering was positive and there was no stress or aversive stimulation. In other words, there were many instances of Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). My wife’s mother, whose husband died three years ago, was dominant and hyper, but happy. She was constantly cooking something and fussing with her things in the kitchen. Many times I heard her laugh loudly. She has a girlish laughter, which makes her sound young although she is in her eighties. Also the other family members, who often don’t talk very much, were more talkative this time. My wife’s brother, who is usually rather introverted, this time talked comfortably and seemed to genuinely enjoy the occasion. Food is very important in Chinese culture and Thanksgiving dinner has something extra. 

I enjoy being with wife's family, but when I am with them I never talk much. When I for the first time met them I felt left out of the conversation as I don't know how to speak Cantonese. This time, however, although, as usual, I didn’t say much, I felt included in the conversation. Occasionally the attention came my way and when it did it felt right. This  is a relatively new experience that very little can be enough. A lot of my talking in the past was based on feelings of anxiety. Nowadays I am able to wait for the right moment. When conversation happens, it happens. I notice this mostly with my wife. Our best conversations are those which are started by her.