October 20, 2016

October 20, 2016 

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear Reader,

A different conversation is not, as most of us believe, caused by our ethics, empathy, morals, maturity, consciousness or spirituality. It is not caused by anything inside of us. We don’t cause our own behavior. A different conversation is possible only under different circumstances.

Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) happens in a different situation than Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). Rather than thinking about how you as a speaker can engage in one or the other, it is much more productive to pay attention to the situation in which SVB or NVB can and will occur.

The change from NVB to SVB is of much greater importance than the change from SVB to NVB. With the latter we are back to square one, but with the former, we learn to have ongoing SVB. As long as we experience accidental episodes of SVB, we don’t know how it works.

Only when we deliberately arrange for the situation in which SVB will happen do we find ways of prolonging it. This predicted and controlled act has nothing whatsoever to do with intention, willpower, character, consciousness, personality or other imaginary causation of behavior.

To the extent that we create and maintain environments which are free from aversive stimulation we are able to predict and control how we talk. As speakers and listeners we are each other’s environment.

Listeners only feel safe if speakers are not threatening, but speakers also only feel safe if audiences are non-threatening. Thus, in SVB, speakers don’t reject listeners and listeners don’t reject speakers.