Conscientious,

 

When you finally have Embodied Language (EL), instead of Disembodied Language (DL), you will notice, you become attentive, about yourself. In your sloppy, automatic, unnatural DL, you were busy with all kinds of foolish stuff, but not with yourself. A conscientious person – says some dictionary – is someone, who wishes to do what is right and who does his or her work or duty well and thoroughly. I wouldn’t describe myself as a conscientious person, but my behavior is certainly reliable and careful, because my EL  always has good outcomes. Also, I don’t wish to do what is right, as I know, my EL is right for me.

 

Everything I do – but also what I don’t do, what I have stopped doing – shows my life is guided by my conscience. Quite frankly, I don’t really care about that term, as I find it more useful to consider my EL, as the only way, in which I am able to carry on with my stable, considerate, moral, pragmatic behavior. In DL, by contrast, I would be – and have been – uncertain, careless, contradictory, unworthy, fearful and ineffective.  

 

In superstitious, insensitive, effortful, repetitive, unintelligent DL, people view conscientious or principled behavior, to be behavior controlled or done according to one’s inner sense of what is right. However, the dedicated, honest, decent behavior, which goes hand in hand with my EL, isn’t caused by my illusion of inner language, because this common, problematic fantasy about private speech, derives from our DL, which was never properly addressed by our EL. In other words, I don’t have a conscience, as my EL is an overt phenomenon, that is, I can only hear something, if something was said and I can only read something, after it has been written.  

 

I am conscientious, because I would never ask anyone to do something, I myself wouldn’t do. Also, I don’t say, you must go through the same experiences as I did, to have EL, however, there are similarities between those, who engage in DL or in EL and I know a lot about them. Surely, based on the many years, I have explored these two response classes of verbal behavior, I know more about the DL/EL distinction than anyone, because no one has been experimenting like I did, with what would stop my own DL and what would continue my EL. And, of course, since I have also investigated, what would stop the DL of others and what would continue the EL of others, I had to conclude, that being busy with others prevents me from having my ongoing EL.

 

With stupid DL, people say stupid things, such as: it goes without saying, that one must be conscientious and methodical. Of course, we only begin to act factually, devoted, motivated, straightforward or industrious, if we someone who cared enough about us, to talk with us and actually have EL with us, would teach us. I have never learned anything from anyone with dumb DL and only rare, conscientious individuals, who had some EL, have had a positive effect on me. I am convinced this is the same for everyone, but without EL, we can never really talk about this crucial issue. Many kids and students can’t help but struggle with the horrible, maddening DL of their parents and their teachers. Also, this plays a big role in the onset of many so-called mental health issues.

 

As I have pointed out, I don’t really care about the term conscientious, because EL has nothing to do with dutifulness. I only owe it to myself, to engage in EL instead of DL, not to someone else. Also, I abhor the notion of mindfulness. I still remember, when I was in graduate school, at the phony educational institution of Palo Alto University, where I studied for my PhD. There was one celebrated professor, who did research on mindfulness. Initially, I wanted very much to connect with this popular mindfulness-group, as I wrongfully assumed, there was overlap and similarity between mindfulness and what I call EL, but, to my great horror, I found out, after enrolling in her boring class, this was one of the most terrible, mean, creepy, arrogant teachers, I have ever had. I remember saying to her, she didn’t strike me as someone who is particularly mindful – whatever the hell that was supposed to mean – but I was almost cancelled out of her class, as I had the audacity to say something truthful about her disgustingly, domineering, humiliating behavior.

 

The only thing, I've learned in my very expensive, disappointing, graduate study of psychology – there wasn’t, like today, because of the student-pandering Biden administration, a student-loan-forgiveness plan and, so I had to work nightshift in mental health or senior care, to pay for my expenses – was how to not get upset about the blatant DL of my teachers, who were basically all incredibly frustrated, very ambitious people.

 

There exists no such a thing, as conscientious, but implacable hostility. If one knows about ongoing EL, one is definitely implacable, that is, one cannot be placated by anyone’s DL, but the ugly reality is, one can definitely be punished, humiliated, excommunicated, rejected, fired or pushed out by the usual DL, which doesn’t care about anyone’s EL. The fact that anyone with EL is against DL, isn’t hostility, but it is intelligence.