Enabling,

 

There is an enormous difference between helping and enabling. When you enable someone, you give him or her the authority or means to do something. If you give money to your drug-addicted teenager, you are enabling your child’s bad behavior. It would be helpful, if you could empower your loved one to recover from this habit and do something healthy and productive. Many people – unknowingly, due to how they deal with their language – have a problem determining the difference between enabling and supporting someone. It is well known, that people who are recovering from mental health problems or substance abuse, are benefitted from building and maintaining positive social relationships. However, as long as these so-called support systems are still based on Disembodied Language (DL), they are not effective. Despite all our good intentions, because of our unconscious, negative DL, we, inadvertently, enable unhelpful, self-defeating behaviors in others.

 

The difference between enabling and being helpful is in how we use our language. We need to stop our DL, which should be called the language of enabling, so that we can finally have Embodied Language (EL) and truly provide – but also receive – the support that is needed, to get out of any behavior, which is destroying our lives. It is language that determines how we deal with behavior, so once our language changes, all our other behavior will change with it.

 

When we facilitate someone’s potentially harmful behavior, we are enabling. Everyday, we condone each other’s DL and justify our own, we are enabling and, simultaneously, we prevent ourselves as well as each other from engaging in supportive, positive, productive behavior. DL, our usual automatic way of dealing with our language, prevents us from acting and from doing what is absolutely necessary. All the chaos and conflict, we see in the world, is due to DL.

 

Everyone who engages in DL is each other’s enabler. To stop our own DL – rather than each other’s – it is of utmost importance, we become familiar with the main characteristics of our enabling behavior. As enablers, we protect those, we believe to love, from the consequences of their own behavior. Simply put, DL is abusive behavior and those who go along with it, endlessly invite more abuse. However, the abuse works both ways. DL communicators abuse other DL communicators, but they abuse themselves as well.

 

The only way to stop DL abuse, is by talking alone with yourself and by letting yourself know, how you feel about it. Another symptom of enabling and DL is that we are constantly walking on eggshells. We don’t speak our truth, but we are defensive, and we keep secrets. Supposedly, we do this, to keep the peace. We all know that we aren’t really talking, and the negative consequences are piling up during our uncomfortable silence. Sooner or later, we are going to have an inevitable escalation, because our lack of boundaries is always part of our enabling. Although we are all very demanding with our DL, we have no clear expectations of ourselves or each other. Even if we tried to, we never follow through, as it involves a confrontation with our DL. We keep making excuses, for why we still continue with our DL, even though we really don’t want to, but we don’t know how to stop it. We simply deny, we engage in DL, every day.

 

We are enabling each other’s DL and, therefore, we are codependent. Furthermore, enablers are always blamed by the enabled, because they are obviously part of the problem. Since it is our conditioning, DL is actually very much like an addiction and when – as I am doing in this writing – we are pointing out the irrefutable fact, that we are enabling each other, it can feel, as if I am blaming people for having DL. I only write about enabling, however, because my wife Bonnie happened to mention to me, this morning, that the Biden administration is enabling so much divisive problem behavior. It was because she used that word, that I suddenly felt like writing about it.  

 

Once we have switched from DL to EL and we have EL together, we will be enabling ongoing EL in each other and – yes, I am not kidding – we will become addicted to EL, as it allows us to be totally ourselves. Our EL brings us in touch with our own intelligence and it is amazing what happens, when all our other behavior becomes controlled by our EL instead of by our DL. With our EL, we get rid of all behavior, which came about and was maintained by our DL. EL is the gift that keeps on giving, as it reveals to us, what life is like, when our behavior is effective, which means, we don’t need to change it, we can continue with it, because it works. We are so fulfilled by having EL and we call our great satisfaction in having correct and, therefore, successful behavior, our Language Enlightenment (LE). Our addiction to EL pays off, as it prepares us for the important task of enabling our own and each other’s LE. We care as much about each other’s EL and LE, as we care about our own.                                    

 

Selfishness,

 

Once we have experienced and, thus, have come to know, the difference between our Disembodied Language (DL) – which is our usual way of talking – and Embodied Language (EL), we view selfishness, which is considered a bad thing in DL, as a good thing, from our newly acquired involvement in EL. Unless we consider talking with ourselves, to be more important, than talking with others – so that we can finally say and understand, for ourselves, what DL and EL mean to us, individually – we will never have our own clarity, about DL and EL, and, inadvertently, remain trapped by what DL or EL is, according to how others define and perceive it.

 

We never truly care for anything or anyone, as we merely always want something, since our needs are never met with our DL. Our superficial relationships are based on what we can get from each other. As long as we ourselves remain needy, unfulfilled, and, therefore, always demanding, we can’t really love anyone, as our selfishness is of greater importance. The other person – whether it is our child, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or neighbor – doesn’t even exist for us, since they are only a means to fulfill our needs.

 

Unless we adopt EL, as our new way of dealing with  language, we cannot really have a loving, devoted, caring, affectionate relationship. Since we have not addressed, let alone, understood, the big difference between our DL and EL, we all, unknowingly, mainly engage DL. Selfishness is an unconscious behavior that inevitably results from our conditioning history. We were taught to have DL, not EL, because no one, before me, has ever addressed the great difference between DL and EL in the way I do. We all know, the opposite of selfishness is altruism, and that altruism is better than our selfishness, but our DL prevents us from being altruistic. It is interesting to see, how this plays out politically, in Western societies today.

 

Currently, there is – I insist, because we have never really dealt with the difference between our DL and our EL – in many Western, individualized societies, a socialistic demonization going on of hard-fought individualism. Those who prefer a collectivistic political perspective, view individualism as outright evil and demand social justice, instead of sinful selfishness. However, it was precisely life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, that created wealth, but never the always coercive, violent collectivists.

 

Characterizing selfishness as wicked, is the ultimate form of gaslighting, as it condemns a selfish person in his or her ability, to be an individual and take care of him or herself. Moreover, gaslighting – which is, of course, an aspect of DL – is an insidious practice of psychological manipulation, in which someone is tricked in questioning their own sanity, powers of reason or memory. This guilt-tripping is the basis for group behavior and forces its members to sacrifice their individualism on the altar of collectivism. Also, whatever power collectivists acquire, they always steal from those who actually produce something.

 

When we engage in EL, we begin to view selfishness or self-centeredness in an entirely different manner, as our language fits with our individual behavior and makes us successful, happy and satisfied. We are full of energy with EL, but with DL, we feel negative and drained. Furthermore, in EL we don’t focus on some non-existent, imaginary self, as we know, there is no such entity, but we bring attention to how we use our language, by listening to ourselves as we speak.

 

The notion that man, presumably, is always trying to seek pleasure and trying to avoid pain, is based on our restless DL, in which we never feel fulfilled. We acquire a new conceptualization of ourselves, when we engage in EL, because our relentless desire for gratification subsides and our anxious avoidance of pain with amusement and distraction, is replaced by our wisdom of who we are. Our ongoing EL reveals our true nature, our Language Enlightenment (LE).

 

People with DL, consider the fact, that I rather enjoy my own EL – by talking with myself, than to be with others, who cannot engage in EL – as selfishness, but to me, it is based on the simple realization, that I wouldn’t be able to continue with my EL, if I would keep busy with DL, whether it is my own or the DL of others. Anyone who recognizes the difference between DL and EL, wants to naturally continue with EL. Once that transformative distinction has been made, a process of exploration is set into motion, in which DL subsides and our EL increases. What was – in DL – always wrongly interpreted and judged as selfishness, was, in reality, our helpless, hopeless and meaningless attempts at EL. The fact is, although we have unconsciously tried to have EL, we have failed again and again and given up on it.

 

In spite of the condemnation and rejection, I so often experienced, I succeeded in continuing my EL. When I, due to my ongoing EL, started to become increasingly happier, I often felt bad, as I knew very well, other people aren’t having a clue about their EL. For many years, I tried my best to teach others, but, in retrospect, my teachings failed, because I felt somehow it would be selfishness, to keep it to myself. Surely, it was my conditioning history with DL, which was still playing up on me. I am so happy, to be no longer in psychology, the dreadful field, I studied and worked in for so many years. I no longer feel guilty about having my EL, as it is a fact of my life, I feel very proud of. My opinion about your forceful DL, is that you, as an immature speaker, always demand, like needy child, the listener’s attention. In other words, I turn the table on your dumb selfishness.                      

 

 

Absentminded,

 

I am absentminded, because I engage in Embodied Language (EL), which made it absolutely clear to me that I don’t have a mind. It is only those, who have  Disembodied Language (DL), who believe to have a mind, who can be, at times, inattentive, forgetful,  preoccupied, distracted, daydreaming or vague. To me, being fully attentive, clear, focused, present or conscious, is not some goal to be achieved, but it is how I live my life. Actually, I couldn’t be any better than I am today. I’m convinced, it will continue to get even better. My past is predictive of my future and everything got better and better. I don’t see any reason, why this wouldn’t be any longer the case.

 

Most people, who are considered absentminded with DL, are gloomy. In my EL-opinion, they are actually showing, how disinterested, aimless,  unmotivated, uncommitted and disconnected they really are. Supposedly, there is something wrong with them, but to me, it is a sign of intelligence that they don’t want pay attention, to what anyone with DL demands, they should be paying attention to.

 

You could say, that absentmindedness is a bad thing in DL, but it is a good thing in EL. In fact, unless you don’t give a shit about your own or anyone else’s DL anymore, you will not be able to have any ongoing EL. Since we don’t know about the great difference between DL and EL, we totally fail to acknowledge how often people are scatter-brained, due to mostly their own, but, of course, also due to DL of others.  

 

If someone is considered absentminded, he or she doesn’t pay attention, to what most people usually pay attention to. Anyone who can have ongoing EL, obviously, prefers EL over DL, as he or she knows, that people with DL, are obsessed with nothing but bullshit, superficiality and superstition. Whether we admit it or not, we mainly engage in DL, because we simply do not know how to have EL. It is always a DL speaker, who stresses the listener’s attention and admonishes him or her for being absentminded.

 

In DL, there always appears to be a problem with so-called listening. We are continuously told, that, supposedly, listening is really difficult, and we are made to believe, the world would be a better place, and everything would be so much easier, if only we would put more serious effort into becoming better listeners. Those who are good listeners, to speakers who engage in DL, are obedient slaves. As a former psychology instructor and tutor, I can tell you, with 100% certainty, anyone with attentional problems always hates DL and responds more genuinely to my EL, than anyone, who doesn’t have these problems.

 

Surprisingly, after we have experienced, recognized and spoken about the immense difference between our DL and our EL, it is very clear to us, we all agree about the fact, that nobody actually likes to listen to DL, yet we all love to hear someone’s EL. Therefore, the problem was never listening, but it was always the aversive sound of the DL speaker, who couldn’t elicit a listening-response in the listener. Hilariously, in EL, there is no problem with listening, because we are absentminded, as we are really sure, we don’t have a mind, thoughts or language inside of our heads. In EL, inner dialogue or private speech doesn’t exist.  

 

With DL, we talk about someone, who is considered to be absentminded, as someone who is abstracted. Abstractus is Latin and means drawn off or removed from something specific. However, mind or thought isn’t anything specific, as it is merely a non-existing concept, that was created by our DL. With our DL, we say, someone is abstracted, because he or she is absent in mind or distracted from present reality by intellectual actual activity. However, the reality isn’t some fantasy, which is created by our DL and our overrated intellectuality – which also stems from our DL – has always been against our feelings, that is, with DL, we are distracted from the reality of who we really are. With DL, we imagine to be rational, by pretending to have moved away from our feelings.

 

When we consider the devastating fact, that DL is accepted and adhered to by everyone, everywhere, as the rule, while our individual EL is, at best, only an occasional, short-lived, unfathomable exception, it is not surprising, that so many people go through their lives sleepwalking, unconscious, removed and dissociated from the presence of their own feelings, which, because they were not attended to, properly expressed, and, therefore, neglected, are negative.

 

Our common way of talking, DL, doesn’t and can’t address our feelings and we are therefore, generally absentminded. In the United States, where I live, we tolerate the piles of disgusting filth and garbage of the ever-growing, destitute, hopelessly addicted homeless population, because our DL is completely out of touch with reality. We can only begin to solve our problems, if we address them properly, which means we must stop our DL, then engage in EL, and then, acknowledge, that being absentminded is our reality. There is no mind or thought in EL, therefore, we can be fully present, we can talk without being removed from reality, by how we use our language.

 

Integrity,

 

We can only engage in Embodied Language (EL), as long as we have the integrity, to fully recognize, that we have been conditioned and corrupted by our Disembodied Language (DL). Although many people pretend to have EL, they are unknowingly having DL, as they never even bothered to acknowledge the great difference. The creation of Gold Gate bridge in San Francisco, involved a lot hard work, from a lot of skillful people and unless that bridge was designed and constructed properly, with the right materials, it would have collapsed. The bridges, we believe to have built with psychology have collapsed, because  it is a fact, that DL rules the whole world and EL is nowhere to be found, anywhere. My writing on this blog, is the only place, where you can read about it.

 

Our society doesn’t encourage integrity, because it came about due to adversarial, divisive DL. Basically, we have all kept doing all sorts of weird, criminal, addictive, obsessive, coercive, fanatic, disrespectful, violent shit. We condone our actions, by making it seem, as if DL is normal and shouldn’t be stopped, but the problems we created, with our usual way of talking, are gigantic and are inevitably escalating. EL requires individuals, people who are able to speak and write from their wholeness, not some phony, actors, whose only aim is to delude themselves as well as others. Only the authentic individual, with his or her EL, stands alone against the whole society.

 

My dear Dutch friend AnnaMieke, is the only person who has the integrity, to explore her own EL. Here is the link https://klompanna2.blogspot.com/   Please, go and read her blog and compare what she wrote to what I have written and realize for yourself, it is possible to have our own unique EL. We must each have our own version of our EL, to reveal our own, equally exceptional, Language Enlightenment (LE). I view as the success of an individual, the integrity, to continue with EL and to fully embrace his or her LE. 

 

In DL, we keep talking about beautiful words such as  integrity, but, the ugly reality is, we are always told, to trust and, therefore, never question, the integrity of some authority, who as a speaker, is allowed to dominate or completely ignore the listener, as he or she, supposedly, is more important or powerful. All our talk about equality or integrity is meaningless, since we create and maintain, with our forceful DL, the social hierarchy, that sets us apart. Only if our actions are in tune or congruent with our language, do we have integrity, so first, we must stop our DL.

 

Obviously, throwing around words, like integrity, is not the same as having integrity. With our false DL, we create a smokescreen of words, which makes us lose track of what these words actually refer to. The reality, which – no matter how much we have said, written, heard or read, is always beyond words – is a fact, but with our dumb, insensitive, automatic DL, we don’t realize this, because we bluntly, stubbornly and ignorantly keep taking our words to be the fact.

 

Of course, integrity is the ability, to talk about the facts without getting carried away by words and so, EL is the language of the integrity or the wholeness of us, as individuals. It is said – with DL – a practical way to show integrity, is to work hard, even when nobody is looking. However, you continue to try to prove yourself, regardless of whether you are alone or with others, so someone, who has integrity, is not doing anything else, then just being him or herself.

 

There are various animals, who routinely damage the structural integrity of earthen dams. In Holland, which, for a big part, is below sea-level, there is a war going on against Muskrats. These prolific pests are destroying the country’s dikes with their incessant digging. Surely, also the integrity of a person can be damaged, due to trauma and abuse and we need to protect ourselves or recover from such impacts. Without knowing it, we all carry with DL, the whole miserable, conflicted, chaotic history of mankind on our shoulders. Once we switch from DL to EL, we realize what a great burden our DL was.

 

Parents should teach their children about integrity, by, on the one hand, allowing them independence and by expecting and rewarding honesty, but on the other hand, by illustrating their integrity with their own actions. If the latter doesn’t occur, the former isn’t going to work. Candor or the ability to be open, honest and straightforward, goes hand in hand with being reliable, stable and honorable. We have yet to begin to talk about this, with EL instead of with DL.

 

Absolute integrity requires the unflinching courage to admit again and again – each time that we catch ourselves, reacting from our old automatic pattern – the huge tragedy of our own and all of mankind’s   history of conditioning with DL. It is, initially, hard to believe, we are all on the same Titanic and changing the deckchairs, altering the so-called narrative, isn’t going to cut it. With EL, we will stop fooling around with our words, because we will be talking with and listening to ourselves. Our EL makes sense, because we treat our language as action, so there is no such a thing, as the difference between saying and doing.

 

Lastly, it is not going to be some imaginary higher power or political movement, which will liberate us from our long and dreadful history of conditioning with DL, but our own ongoing EL – the expression of our LE – which communicates and establishes our integrity, purity and sanctity. These words have real meaning, as they refer to experiences, which will be reliably acquired, when we finally manage to stop our DL and continue with our EL. Our impeccable integrity is characterized by our gentle-heartedness and charitable manners to ourselves, rather than projecting what we want for ourselves on others, as we have always unconsciously done with our DL.

 

 

Without Language,

 

I write about the real possibility, that only with our Embodied Language (EL), we can say, whatever we want to say, and, after that, be totally without any language. This is an entirely different matter from what we have been hearing from people, who may have spoken endlessly about enlightenment, but who have never properly addressed the immense difference between our Disembodied Language (DL) – our usual group-behavior, our common phony way of talking, which sets the stage for how we deal with our language – and the language of individualism, or EL, in which we happily say, what we are capable of saying. From what should be considered the mortal enemies of language, we have all heard of the crazy notion of watching our so-called mind or observing our own thoughts, better known as meditation.

 

As I have often stated in my previous writings, there is absolutely no language anywhere inside of us and any reference about, supposedly, quietly observing our mind, thoughts or private speech, etc., is only adding more complications, to our already existing profoundly troublesome inner-language-fantasy. Actually, it involves our self-defeating, self-imposed notion of the limitation, yes, the outright taboo, of talking about who we really are, which requires us to first stop the automatic continuation of our DL.  

 

After we, together, to our heart’s content, have finally engaged in, and, therefore, have agreed with and have enjoyed, our own EL, being without any language, is an extraordinary experience, which will change us forever. We have stumbled upon a truth, which was completely unknown to us, as long as we engaged in DL and weren’t – due to our idiotic way of dealing with language – able to reason clearly.

 

Our EL is a logical, coherent and pragmatic way of dealing with language, which hasn’t got anything to do with what we – with DL – call thinking. Surely, in EL, we are speaking, writing, listening or reading, as there is no other way, to be busy with our language, than with these four behaviors. Stated differently, EL is like algebra, a specific type of math, that deals with solving problems using numbers and variables, which are symbols, that represent unknown or changing quantities.

Algebra is based on applying generalized rules and formulas to manipulate equations and expressions. Algebraic fractions can be added, subtracted, multiplied and divided in the same way we do in simple arithmetic. Fractions are algebraic language with expressions on the top and on/or bottom. Also, fractions are ways of expressing parts of a whole. An example of a fraction is half a pizza or a quarter of a pizza, so a fraction is named according to the number of equal parts the whole or the collection of the parts is divided into. Note, the whole is one, so two halves (1/2+1/2=1) is one and four quarter pieces (1/4+1/4+1/4+1/4=1) added together, make one pizza. So, here are a couple of fractions 1/1=1, 10/10=1, a/a=1 or 50x/50x=1.

 

The oneness of these aforementioned fractions was determined by the fact that the numerator, the number on top, is the same as the denominator, the number at the bottom. Now, I introduce the fraction of the oneness of our EL, which, above the line, has your experience, which we will call x, and below the line, your EL. This is what it looks like: x/EL=1. Thus, when your experience, x, is described correctly by your EL, you are conscious and so, you understand. You will experience your Language Enlightenment (LE), once your EL articulates your own experience. Thus, x/EL=1=LE

 

In order to be without language, one, first, has to be conscious about and, therefore, effective with, one’s one’s own language, that is, one’s language must be the proper expression of one’s own experience. This is what we do in EL. Furthermore, it is so exquisite, to have nothing to say and still to talk and hear, feel and experience, what that oneness sounds like. One only talks, but it isn’t about anything in particular, and one only produces words and sentences, to be able to hear the nothingness, that is beyond words.

 

What it is like, to be without language, can be said and really needs to be said, because if it isn’t said, one will not be at peace, something has remained incomplete and this too, can be heard in the restless sound of one’s own voice. You just continue to speak about everything you are capable of and even when you are done, you still add some more, about having nothing to say or simply try to say something just for the sake of saying it. You dare to say it, you may say it, you can try again to say it, until it pleases you and you always feel very grateful, to be able to say it. You explore, if there is more for you to say and you make sure, you haven’t forgotten anything.

 

You will know, when you have said what you had wanted to say and were always capable of saying. With DL, however, you didn’t have the chance to say it. With EL, you take time to say it, you gave yourself that opportunity. You realize, with EL, you are able to say much more, than you believed, with DL, you could say. Your so-called thoughts about what you could say, weren’t true and were imaginations of fear for being judged about what you wanted to say. There is no fear, when you say to yourself what you want to say. This is why, both your experience, described by your EL and EL itself, dissolves in your LE. Indeed, in LE you are not only without words, but also without any experience. This tranquility is unlike anything you have ever experienced.

 

I say LE is not an experience, because there are no words to describe this. Of course, you can always try, if you would be inclined to do so. Perhaps, there is still more to experience or more to say, but even if that may be true, eventually, you come to the point, which I am describing: in your LE, everything merges into this mysterious sense of oneness. You can call it whatever you like, love, truth, consciousness, these words don’t matter. People with DL always say that words matter, but with EL you find out, they don’t. You can say, it feels good, relaxed, happy, peaceful, blissful, but these words are irrelevant because with EL, you actually really leave your language behind.

 

Your being without language, was made possible because you have used your language correctly. It may help to compare it, to be being asleep, in the sense that in sleep too, we ideally leave behind our experience as well as our language. However, we all know, that we still dream about stuff, because we are used to having DL during the day. Thus, in our dream, we do actually the same as we do during the day, because our presumed thinking is nothing but a daydream. It occurs, because we don’t have the right language for our experience and, consequently, we have in DL unattended experience, due to inaccurate language.

 

People believe, they can be conscious about their own experience, but what does that entail? Being conscious about our experience, is having ongoing EL about ourselves. Without EL, with DL, we only act out our conditioning history, but not our experience right now and so, there is always something lacking, something troubling, something unclear, as there is no match between our own language and our own experience. You will never be without language – and still – and resolved about your experiences, as long as they remained unexpressed or were expressed inadequately with DL.

 

If you verify with your EL, if this is true, if you really try to do that, you will again and again find, your DL takes over and as long as that continues to be the case, your language will reflect your struggle and conflict and your experience will still be negative, as you feel something is missing, something is wrong, something is bothering you. Your DL has to stop and then you can express everything effortlessly with your EL. Even if you manage to do it, just for a little bit, to give a try, you already instantly experience the positive effects. These effects will accumulate and reveal your LE, which transcends your language.      

 

Behoefte,

 

We praten eigenlijk nooit echt over onze behoefte aan humor. Ja, onze behoefte aan humor wordt altijd op de een of andere manier verdoezeld. Je moet dichter bij jezelf komen.

 

Schijnbaar is het niet grappig genoeg, om er op in te gaan, maar juist omdat we niet over onze behoefte aan humor willen praten, lachen we dus maar zo weinig als we doen.

 

Ogenschijnlijk is het een saai onderwerp, om over te praten, dat we gewoon wat plezier willen hebben, maar we zullen toch ergens moeten beginnen. Wat betreft lachen, is er weinig behoefte aan discussie. Je hoeft geen grappen te vertellen.

 

Natuurlijk is ons overduidelijke gebrek aan humor op zich een heel goed begin, maar iedereen is er bang voor. De vraag rijst: hoe beginnen we überhaupt de mogelijkheid te overwegen, dat we zouden kunnen lachen, terwijl we ons zo dood voelen als een deurknop?

 

Volgens mij is het slechts een kwestie is van eraan worden herinnerd. Dit wrijft echter onze neus in het trieste feit, dat we echt niet weten, hoe we moeten lachen en hoe plezier te hebben. Je hebt ongemerkt behoefte aan oefening, de gunst, dat het lachen mag.

 

Zolang als je je kunt herinneren, heb je niet meer met je hele hart gelachen, dus daaraan herinnerd worden is geen pretje. Dergelijke klachten helpen  natuurlijk ook niet, want hoe kom je uit je eindeloze lachpauze, als je er nooit eens over praat? Geen pop corn, geen cola, geen drugs, geen alcohol, maar jou eigen leuke woorden, die jij zo graag zou willen horen, omdat ze je aan het lachen maken.

 

Je wilt altijd meteen plezier hebben, zonder eerst te praten met je zelf, over je overduidelijke weerstand ertegen. Daarom is het lachen nooit gelukt en dat is ook de reden, dat je je lachen zo lang was vergeten.

 

Het is pijnlijk, maar voor de hand liggend, dat je eerst over het lachen moet praten, maar op een grappige manier, niet op een serieuze manier. Je wilt je lachen niet serieus nemen, maar dat is nou juist, waar ik het over heb. Je hebt je behoefte aan lachen nooit echt serieus genoeg genomen, zodat je vaker kon lachen. Je zou je lachen moeten meten.  

 

Ja, welbeschouwd, moet je serieuzer worden, niet minder serieus, over het lachen en over alles wat daartoe zou kunnen leiden, wat dat zou doen losbarsten, ondersteunen en versterken. Het enige wat jij hoeft te doen, is jou taal te laten gebeuren.

 

Alles is goed, je kunt eigenlijk overal om lachen. Er is natuurlijk altijd wel iets, waar vooral jij zo om moet lachen. Jij ligt daarover helemaal in een deuk en je weet zeker, dat jij het grappig vind. Wat ik of een ander zegt, is nooit zo leuk, als wat jij zelf zegt.

 

Daarom is al die grappen-makerij van een ander altijd maar zo-zo. Jij hebt ook wel degelijk jou eigen mening over het lachen en in deze tijden van nood, moet jij het voortouw nemen, doorgaan met het doordrijven van jou mening en dan lachend slagen.

 

Je voelt je terecht beledigd, door wat ik of anderen altijd grappig vinden. Je bent zo stink-jaloers op het lach-success en de vreugde van anderen, omdat je nooit de moeite neemt, om aandacht te schenken aan je eigen gevoel voor humor. Er valt geen tijd te verliezen, om hier zogenaamd over na te denken, want het komt erop aan, dat jij het zelf zegt of schrijft, zodat jij het als eerste kunt horen en lezen.

 

Laten we eerlijk zijn: humor van anderen, heeft je er altijd van weerhouden, om je eigen humor te vinden en om uit te drukken, wat voor jou grappig is. Wat voor jou ooit grappig was, is nog steeds grappig. Je lacht met jezelf, om je eigen eeuwig-durende grap.

 

Jou humor is in je verkeerde keelgat geschoten en was volgens jou nooit goed genoeg. Je had het al afgewezen voordat je het jezelf liet weten. Laat je niet meer afleiden, door de humor van anderen.

 

Hier is de reden, waarom jij jezelf als niet grappig beschouwde: omdat je andere mensen grappig liet zijn ten koste van jezelf. Ja, het is nog nooit bij je opgekomen, dat jij, terwijl je om anderen lachte, de plank van je eigen humor bleef misslaan.   

 

Je merkte het niet eens, omdat jou eigen humor nooit jou aandacht trok. Hoe kun je er nou aandacht aan besteden, als je geen energie in je eigen lachen steekt? Je bent altijd zo druk bezig, met andere dingen, maar niet met je eigen humor? Je moet echt  aan jezelf gaan bewijzen, dat jij grappig kunt zijn, door jezelf daadwerkelijk aan het lachen te maken.

 

Natuurlijk zul je moeten gaan uitpluizen, hoe jou humor werkt, zodat je je eigen humor kunt gaan beheersen. Het lijkt eerst totaal onmogelijk, om dat magische gevoel voor humor te kunnen bezitten.

 

Iedereen heeft het er altijd over of iemand de grap snapt of begrijpt of niet, maar daar gaat het niet om. Het gaat om toestaan, ontvangen, openen, verfijnen,  door zomaar wat woorden te smijten en te bleren en om dan te zien en horen, wat er blijft hangen.

 

Vermoei jezelf niet meer, met het uitbreken, optillen en weggooien van die oude smerige gootsteen of met het weggooien van het kind met het badwater.

 

Ik zeg maar wat, want ik probeer mezelf in jouw schoenen te verplaatsen en je te helpen, bij het oplossen van je lach-inertie. Zijn deze schoenen, die jij draagt, ​eigenlijk wel van jou of loop jij in de schoenen van iemand anders? Is dat de reden dat je altijd naast je schoenen loopt? Zeg nou zelf eens?

 

Wie bepaalt er voor jou wat grappig is? Misschien had het geen enkele zin, om weer te wachten, tot de andere schoen of het kwartje viel? Waarom probeer je humor van anderen bij te houden en niet die van jezelf? Het is niet nodig, om je te haasten. Ga maar langzaam in op je behoefte aan beginner’s humor.

 

Ja, je humor komt heus wel vanzelf als je verdomme maar eens kalmeert. Rustig nou maar en zeg eens wat je kunt zeggen en begin grappiger te worden, door op te warmen. Je moet het zeggen, om het te kunnen voelen. Er zit niets anders op, dan meer informatie verzamelen over je favoriete onderwerp.

 

Voorbereiding op humor is net zo belangrijk als de eigenlijke grap, want zonder dat voorspel, kan er geen grappig orgasme zijn. Begin nou eens gewoon bij het begin en ga dan dieper in op wat je nog niet hebt gezegd, in plaats van weer te zeggen, wat je altijd zegt. Je moet opdagen voor je eigen optreden en ja, je moet hier zijn, in je eigen grappige sfeer.

 

Wat jij altijd zegt is saai en saai is niet grappig, maar dat zeggen, is toch wel een beetje grappig, want het is waar. Je zult grappig zijn, als je zegt wat waar is. Het herhalen van leugens is beslist geen lachertje.

 

Je hoeft je niet aan de regels te houden en je hoeft dus niet tegen jezelf te liegen. Je hebt geen speciale kwaliteiten nodig, maar je moet jezelf eindelijk eens gaan vertellen wat grappig is voor jou. Vlucht maar weg van iedereen, die jou plezier niet leuk vindt.

 

Need,

 

We never really talk about our need for humor. Yes, our need for humor is always somehow glossed over. You need to come closer to yourself. 

 

Presumably, it isn’t funny enough to address it, yet, it is precisely, because we don’t want talk about our need for humor, that we laugh as little as we do.

 

Supposedly, it is a lame subject to talk about, that we just want to have some fun, but we’ve got to start somewhere. Regarding laughter, there is a little need for discussion. You don’t need to tell any jokes.

 

Of course, our lack of humor is a great place to start, but everyone dreads it. The question arises: how do we even begin to consider the possibility, that we could be laughing? We feel as dead as a doornail.

 

I guess, it is merely a matter of being reminded of it. This kind of rubs our nose into the sad fact, that we don’t know how to laugh and have a good time. You have a need for practice and a need for a favor.

 

You haven’t laughed whole-heartedly for as long as you can remember, so being reminded of that, isn’t doing you any good. Such complaints aren’t helping either, because how are you going to get out of your laughter-hiatus, if you didn’t talk about it?

 

You want fun immediately, without first talking about your own obvious resistance to it, but that didn’t succeed and that is actually the reason, that you had forgotten about your laughter for so long.

 

It is painfully clear, you must talk about laughter first, but in a funny way, not in a serious way. You don’t want to get serious about laughter, but that is the point I’m making. You never took your need for laughter serious enough, to have more of it.

 

Yes, if anything, you need to get more serious, not less serious about laughter and about everything that might invite it, jump-start it, support it and enhance it. All I need you to do, is to let it happen.

 

Anything will do, so you basically can laugh about everything. Of course, there has to be something that you want to laugh about. Surely, you don’t find funny, what I find funny. I need you to have your own opinion about your laughter. In time of need, you must take the lead, proceed and then succeed.

 

You are even offended by what I find funny and you are so jealous with the laughter and the joy of others, because you have never even bothered to pay attention to your own sense of humor. And, you don’t need to think about it, but you need to just say it or write it, so you can hear it and read it.  

 

Let’s face it, the humor of others has always discouraged you from finding your own humor and from expressing what is funny to you. Your humor was never good enough and you already dismissed it, before you let yourself know. You don’t need to be distracted by the humor of others anymore.

 

This is why you considered yourself to be not funny and this is why you let other people be funny at your expense. Yes, it has never even occurred to you, that while you were laughing at others, you were always missing out on your own humor.

 

You didn’t even notice, as your humor never got your attention. How can you give it attention, if you don’t direct any energy to your own laughter? You are always so busy with other things, but not with your own humor? You need to proof to yourself that you can be funny, by making yourself laugh.

 

Of course, you need to figure out, how to catch a hold of your own humor. It seems impossible, to possess that so-called magic sense of humor, because although you are always talking about whether someone is catching the joke or not, this is not about catching, but about allowing, receiving, opening, exploring and throwing, as much as you can and seeing and hearing whatever sticks.  

 

Perhaps, it is the good old kitchen sink, that needs to be thrown, instead of again the child with the bath water? I’m just saying, I’m trying to put myself in your shoes and help you problem-solve. By the way, these shoes, you are wearing, are they actually yours or are you walking in someone else’s shoes?

 

Who is to decide for you what is funny? Perhaps, it didn’t make any sense, to wait for the other shoe to drop? Why are you trying to keep up with humor of others, but not with your own? There is no need to rush. Go slowly into your need for beginner's humor.

 

Yes, your humor will come, when you calm the fuck down. Just chill and say what you can say and begin to become funnier and funnier, by warming up, so to speak. You need to say it, to feel it. You need to gather more information about your favorite topic.

 

Preparation for humor is just as important, as the actual joke, because there can’t be any joke without it. Start with the beginning and go into what you haven’t said, instead of saying what you always say. You need to show up for your own performance and yes, you need to be here, in this funny atmosphere.

 

What you always say is boring and boring isn’t funny, but saying that, is a little bit funny, as it is true. You will be funny, when you say what is true. Repeating lies is not a laughing matter. You don’t need to abide by the rules. You have no need to lie to yourself. You don’t need special qualities, but you urgently need to tell yourself what is funny. You need to run from anyone, who doesn’t like your fun.