After,

 

After I made a You Tube video, about mourning the loss of my mother, something had settled in me. My Embodied Language (EL) has expressed my sadness, which seems to have lifted. My EL always brings me great relief and comfort. I feel grateful to my mother, who will be cremated today. It is unusual, what I experience, as if I have her now, all to myself, for the first time. These feelings are mine. I cherish and protect them, in the same way, as I protect my own EL.

 

I didn’t know what I was after, when I was a kid and tried all sorts of things. I discovered about the immensely important difference between my own Disembodied Language (DL) and my EL, in my early twenties, but it wasn’t until I was 65, I began to feel somewhat resolved, about what I had apparently been after, for all these years. I have said it and I have written it, but I like to write it again today: my ongoing EL is the expression of my Language Enlightenment (LE).

 

Actually, my enlightenment had happened during a fiery verbal exchange with Alexander Smit, a Dutch Advaita Vedanta Guru, who told me to get lost, because, according to him, I got from him, what I came for. I couldn’t believe it, but experienced, it was true. I recall saying to him, that he acted like my authoritarian father, at which he and others laughed. I didn’t want to leave, but he threatened to throw me out. I was not going to have a physical altercation with him and left feeling humiliated.   

 

At first, I was puzzled – I believed, I needed more explanation – but I felt ablaze, and I told everyone, I had become enlightened. Everyone knew, a huge change had happened, yet, oddly, I was still having many unresolved issues. How could it be, that I was enlightened, but still feeling stressed out, frustrated and rejected? I began telling myself how this is possible. After I started talking with others about this, it slowly dawned on me, the experience had happened, but my language had yet to become matched.

 

Many, many times, I have felt, I had to say, what I wanted to say and I got myself in trouble. After I had said it – or screamed it – I felt a sense of relief and justice, but mostly sadness. In spite of being blamed, excluded and ridiculed, I always knew I was right. After I discovered that I could speak with the sound of my own wellbeing, by listening to my own voice, while I was talking, I realized, there is this whole new way of dealing with my language, which I now call EL. It is very simple: during DL, I don’t listen to myself, but in EL, I am always listening to myself. These two, mutually exclusive ways of talking set the stage for two entirely different ways of dealing with my language, two ways of viewing myself and the world around me. Indeed, my DL and my EL are two different ways of perceiving my reality.

 

By talking out loud with myself and by listening to the sound of my voice, I feel so good about myself, because my language matches with my experience. Moreover, after I am done, it is so self-evident, all my problems have completely disappeared. My ongoing EL reveals my LE and has led to an overhaul of my behavioral repertoire. By continuing my EL, I have not only left my DL behind, but also all behavior associated with it.

 

Like my mother, I have always cried very easily. However, my expression of sadness was always disturbed and distorted by others, who had a problem with it, while I never had any problem with it. After I had cried, I felt much better than before, but this is not – in DL – how people deal with sadness. Suppression of my sadness was never possible. As a child, I cried, as it was the only thing, which made me feel better. Afterall, I can say, my ability to cry has paved the way for my ongoing EL. As a man, it is still unusual to cry, but when we will have EL, we cry about sadness, but also about beauty and goodness.  

 

When I listen to all the talk about transgenderism, hunger in Sudan, war in Ukraine, antisemitism, religious fanatism, terrorism and the constant conflict between left- and right-wing politics, I only hear destructive, escalating DL and I know, everything would be so very different, if people would know how to have EL. Of course, the same is true for any kind of mental health issue, trauma or loss. Raising children and education would be enhanced by ongoing EL, as we would create a positive new reality, with our language.