(I write first in Dutch, my native language and then translate to English below. Please write a response. If you would like to talk about EL with me, you can contact me on skype, my skype name is limbicease)

 

Gelukkig,

 

Ik voel me zo gelukkig, dat ik zo kan genieten van mijn eigen taal. Ik noem het Belichaamde Taal (BT), omdat mijn lijf de beslissende factor is of het wel of niet bij mij hoort. Ik kan het horen. Mijn vermogen om daarop te reageren is mijn grootste genot. Ik weet dat jij gelooft, dat jij dit niet kunt, maar ik zeg je, dat ook jij het kan. Probeer het maar eens en dan zal blijken, dat jou klank je de weg zal wijzen.

 

Vertrouw op wat ik zeg, het is echt waar, dat jou weg voor je open ligt, maar je moet wel luisteren naar jezelf, anders dan hoor je het niet. Probeer het niet te zien, te begrijpen of te herhalen, want het is elke keer nieuw. Om dat nieuwe te horen, moet je jezelf belangrijker maken, dan je voorheen was.  

 

BT maakt je heel belangrijk, maar niet op de manier, zoals we dat meestal vertalen. In BT ben jij het aller belangrijkste voor jezelf en daarom kan het je niets schelen of anderen jou belangrijk vinden. Echter, in Ontlichaamde Taal (OT) blijf je altijd met anderen bezig, om in hun ogen of in hun oren belangrijk te zijn. Misschien lukt het je zelfs, om anderen te kunnen overheersen met je gewichtigheid, maar, ook al ben je nog zo belangrijk, volgens anderen, je bent nog steeds jezelf helemaal vergeten. Je kon jezelf niet weten, want je taal ging nooit over jou.

 

We doen natuurlijk ook in OT tal van pogingen, om zogenaamd bij onszelf te komen of te blijven, om toch, op een of andere manier, het hoofd te bieden aan de onmiskenbare stress, angst, haast, frustratie, onmacht, verwarring en onaflatende strijd, die onze omgang met taal is blijven bepalen. We zijn eigenlijk allemaal aan het eind van ons Latijn, want al onze mislukte pogingen sloegen kant nog wal en  hebben de zaak alleen maar erger gemaakt. We zijn nooit echt tot de kern doorgedrongen, om met onszelf te praten over hoe wij met onze taal willen omgaan.  

 

Het woord abnormaal betekend, dat wij ons niet interesseren voor hoe wij omgaan met onze taal. We zijn enkel bezig met de noodzakelijke taal van ons dagelijkse leven, maar dat is zo’n negatieve en energie-vretende aangelegenheid, dat het nooit in ons opkomt, dat er zoveel prachtigs besloten ligt in onze eigen taal. Dit is waarom de meeste mensen, zelfs al wagen ze een paar pogingen, het praten met zichzelf opgeven. Ze voelen zich dus te onbelangrijk naar zichzelf en blijven daarom in OT hangen. Zo is  onze conditionering, omdat tijdens het spreken, wij het luisteren naar anderen zijn blijven benadrukken en geen aandacht gaven aan luisteren naar onszelf.

 

Het is goed te begrijpen, waarom we nooit naar onszelf zijn gaan luisteren, want OT is gebaseerd op het feit dat de spreker op de een of andere manier de luisteraar overheerst. In alledaagse conversaties zijn sprekers altijd met elkaar in gevecht, om de aandacht te krijgen en te behouden. Ze maken zich, door hun manier van praten, zogezegd belangrijker dan anderen, die hun plaats in de hierachie dienen te weten, of alleen maar luisteren, of afhaken, of dissocieren. In OT zijn er altijd maar een paar, die het hoogste woord voeren en het merendeel is toeschouwer en zwijgt of stemt toe. Enkel zij die zichzelf op een voetstuk blijven plaatsen tellen mee, maar iemand met BT plaatst zich niet boven anderen, ook al onthoud hij of zij zich van deelname aan OT. Men zegt wel eens, daar sta ik boven, maar wat mensen dan beschrijven is dat ze ongevoelig zijn met hun taal naar zichzelf.

 

Zolang als dat we OT hebben, zijn we allemaal gekwetsd – of we het nou toegeven of niet, bewust zijn of niet, erover praten of niet. Zelfs al kunnen we met eigen BT verder gaan, dan nog voelt de OT van anderen – ook al is het niet van ons – pijnlijk, verdrietig en stressvol. Met andere woorden, ook al kunnen we BT hebben, we betalen er de prijs voor, om OT te kunnen zien en horen voor wat het is. Ik vind OT, als Covid en andere besmettelijke ziektes, een rampzalige plaag, want iedereen heeft het, omdat we elkaar blijven imiteren. Er is niemand die BT heeft, want niemand anders doet het, niemand anders praat met en luisterd naar zichzelf.

 

Mijn authoriteit heeft te maken met mijn vermogen om zoveel met mezelf te praten, dat ik aan de weet ben gekomen, dat ik de expert ben in waar ik het over heb. Mijn expertise is BT en als jij dat wil, dan ben ook jij de expert wat betreft jezelf. Het is een kwestie van verantwoordelijkheid nemen voor alles wat je ervaart. Dit is de enige manier, om werkelijk je eigen leven te leven zoals jij het wil, want jij zegt alles wat er gebeurd met jou eigen taal. Niets blijft onuitgesproken en daardoor los je op in het geluk van je Taal Verlichting (TV). Dit oplossen is een gevolg van de juistheid van wat jij zegt en schrijft. Zolang je echter om de pot blijft heen draaien en  blijft jammeren en fantaseren, omdat je je angst niet wil erkennen, zal je verder vastlopen, ongeacht hoezeer je anderen weet te overtuigen, dat je in je recht staat, om eindeloos door te blijven drammen en te denderen met je botte, geforceerde, vervelende OT.

 

Ik weet hoe iedereen met OT zwoegt en ploetert en kan alleen maar zeggen en schrijven, dat iedereen het zichzelf aandoet. Als je deze woorden leest, dan kan je misschien een momentje ervaren, van wat ik beleef, elke dag, omdat ik absoluut niets van jou OT belangrijk vind. Ik heb het nu over jou onbewuste neiging, om te doen alsof wat ik zeg of schrijf, niet belangrijk is voor jou. Ik hoef je niet te overtuigen, want ik weet waar ik het over heb. Jou OT is jou manier om jezelf te ontkennen. Het kan mij niets schelen, of je met jou OT verder blijft gaan, maar je zult toch even moeten erkennen, dat ik niet meedoe met jou, en dat jij, ongemerkt, toch even meedeed met mij. Deze woorden dringen wel degelijk tot je door, want ook jij zou ze natuurlijk hebben kunnen zeggen of schrijven. Of dat nog gaat gebeuren valt nog te bezien, want jou hele manier van doen zit moervast in OT. Je maakt jezelf maar iets wijs, omdat iedereen hetzelfde doet, maar deze tekst laat je weten, dat je met je OT op een dood spoor zit.    

 

Happy,

 

I feel so lucky to be able to enjoy my own language so much. I call it Embodied Language (EL), because my body is the deciding factor whether it belongs to me. I can hear it. My ability to respond to that is my greatest delight. I know, you believe you cannot do this, but I tell you, you can do it too. Just try it and it will turn out that your sound will show you the way.

 

Trust what I say, it is true that your way is wide open to you, but you must listen to yourself or you will not hear it. Do not try to see it, understand it, or repeat it, because it is new every time. To hear that newness, you will have to make yourself more important than you were before.

 

EL makes you very important, but not in the way that we usually translate it. In your EL you are the most important to yourself and therefore you don't care if others consider you to be important. However, in Disembodied Language (DL), you always keep busy with others, to be important in their eyes or their ears. You may even manage to dominate others with your weightiness and tricks, but, no matter how important you are, according to others, you have still completely forgotten about yourself. You could not know yourself because your language was never about you.

Of course, we also make numerous attempts in DL, supposedly to get or stay with ourselves, in order to somehow cope with the unmistakable stress, fear, haste, frustration, impotence, confusion and unrelenting struggle, which has continued to shape our dealings with language. In effect, we are all at the end of our tether, because all our attempts have failed miserably and only made matters worse. We never really got to the heart of it, that is, to talk to ourselves about how we want to use our language.

 

The word abnormal means, we are not interested in how we use our language. We are only concerned with the necessary language of our superficial daily lives, but that is such a negative, energy-consuming affair that it never even occurs to us, that there is so much beauty in our own language. This is why most people, even after they have had some EL, give up talking to themselves. So, they feel too insignificant to themselves and, therefore, they linger in DL. Such is our conditioning, because while speaking, we have kept emphasizing listening to others and we never paid any attention to listening to ourselves.

 

It is easy to understand why we never started to listen to ourselves, because DL is based on speakers dominating the listener. In everyday conversations, speakers are always fighting with each other to get and keep the attention. By their way of talking they make themselves more important than others, who need to know their place in the hierarchy, or just listen, drop out or dissociate. In DL there are always only a few speakers who have the upper hand and the majority are spectators, who remain silent or agree. Only those who continue to put themselves on a pedestal count, but someone with EL does not place him or herself above others, although he or she abstains from participating in DL. People sometimes say about someone who is negative, I am above that, but what they describe, is that they are insensitive with their language towards themselves.

 As long as we have DL, whether we admit it or not, consciously or not, talk about it or not, we are all hurting. Even if we can move on a little with our own EL, the DL of others - even if we acknowledge it is not ours - still feels painful, sad, and stressful. In other words, even though we can have EL, we pay the price for seeing and hearing DL for what it is. I view DL, like Covid and other contagious diseases, as a disastrous scourge, because everyone has it, because we keep imitating each other. There is no one who has EL, because no one else is doing it, no one else is talking to and listening to themselves.

 My authority has to do with my ability to talk to myself so much, that I've come to know that I'm the expert at what I'm talking about. My expertise is EL and if you want it, then you too are the expert on yourself. It is a matter of taking responsibility for everything you experience. This is the only way to live your life the way you want it, because you say everything that happens with your own language. Nothing remains unsaid and therefore you dissolve in the happiness of your Language Enlightenment (LE). Dissolving is a result of the correctness of what you say and write. However, as long as you keep beating around the bush and whining and fantasizing, because you don't want to acknowledge your fear, you continue to be hopelessly stuck, no matter how much you are able to convince others, you are within your right, to keep on nagging and to rumble with your blunt, forced, boring DL.

 

I know how everyone toils and struggles with DL and I can only say and write that everyone does it to themselves. As you read these words, perhaps you can experience a brief moment of what I experience every day, because none of your DL matters to me. I'm talking about your subconscious tendency to pretend that what I say or write isn't important to you. I don't need to convince you, because I know what I'm talking about. Your DL is your way of denying yourself. I don't care that you continue with your DL, but you will have to admit, that I am not participating with you, and that you, unnoticed, did participate with me for a while. These simple words do get through to you, for you too could have said or written them your self. Whether that will ever happen remains to be seen, because your whole way of doing things is wrapped up in DL. You're just kidding yourself, because everyone does the same thing, but this text lets you know, you're at a dead end with your DL.

 

Ga,

 

(If you cannot understand my Dutch text, please read the English translation below)

Ik ga, hoe dan ook, verder met mijn belichaamde taal, ook al praat iedereen als een kip zonder kop. Mijn verantwoordelijkheid ligt bij mijzelf. De enige manier om, zogezegd, daad bij woord te voegen, is door te beseffen, dat het woord al een daad is en altijd een daad is geweest. Hierover lezen, kan tot de inspiratie leiden, die nodig is om te onderzoeken, dat dit werkelijk zo is. Er is dus geen verschil tussen iets zeggen en iets doen, want zeggen is iets doen.

 

Het is eenvoudig wanneer je Belichaamde Taal (BT) hebt, maar zolang als je in domme Ontlichaamde Taal (OT) blijft hangen, lijkt alles enorm ingewikkeld. Jij kunt het allemaal precies zeggen zoals het voor jou zit   en dat is voldoende. Je hebt geen ander nodig om dit te bekrachtigen, want het is je eigen begrip van je eigen verbale proces wat belangrijk is. Laat het nou maar eens toe, dat je gelijk hebt en eigenlijk altijd gelijk hebt gehad. En, als je het bij het verkeerde eind mocht hebben, dan zal dat later altijd alsnog blijken.

 

Het komt op een gegeven moment wel boven de tafel, dat er nog OT-restanten waren, die moesten worden opgeruimd. Er is geen schaamte, over het onmiskenbare feit, dat je was geconditioneerd met OT en dat er, in je dagelijkse leven tal van aanleidingen zijn, om die hele ellendige geschiedenis, nog weer een keer, opnieuw leven in te blazen. Alleen jij houdt jou OT gaande en niemand anders. Zodra jij je op jezelf richt, dan houdt je OT ineens op en blijkt die zogenaamde ander niets anders te zijn dan jou ervaring, jou geloof, jou concept, jou manier van kijken, leven, praten en omgaan met taal.  

 

Er is niets in je leven, dat jou stimuleert om BT te hebben, behalve wat jij zelf hebt gecreert. Alles hangt van jou af en dat maakt je leven heel overzichtelijk. Ook al kun je met bijna niemand BT hebben, deze realizatie is nodig, om te kunnen accepteren, dat je het allemaal helemaal zelf kunt en gaat doen. Het vermogen om toch met BT verder te gaan, zonder te klagen, zonder te protesteren, zonder, voor de honderd-duizendste keer, opnieuw in het stomzinnige, doortrapte, bijgelovige OT te vervallen, onstaat vanuit het besef, vanuit de zucht van verlichting, dat het allemaal van jou afhangt.

 

Het is echter niet, zoals dat vaak wordt gezegd, jou keuze, maar jou mogelijkheid, jou potentieel en jou ware aard. Er valt helemaal niets te kiezen en we houden op met dat ondermijnende waan-idee dat je iets kiest. Ik kan niet zomaar ineens in het Chinees gaan spreken. Tenzij ik daarin lessen ga volgen en genoeg gemotiveerd ben om dat te doen, zal ik nooit Chinees kunnen begrijpen, lezen, spreken of schrijven. Waarom zou ik Chinees leren, als ik me prima in het Engels kan reden? Tenzij ik iets met mijn Chinees wil bereiken, heb ik geen motivatie om het te leren. Ook al ben ik getrouwd met iemand die in China was geboren, we spreken Engels met elkaar en ook Nederlands. Het is nooit nodig geweest om met mijn vrouw in het Chinees te spreken.

 

Soms praat Bonnie met haar moeder in het Chinees, maar haar moeder spreekt bijna nooit met mij in het Engels, ook al woont ze al meer dan zestig jaar in de Verenigde Staten. OT en BT zijn net als verschillende talen. Je kunt alleen OT hebben met hen, die OT als hun gebruikelijke wijze van spreken beschouwen en je kunt ook alleen BT hebben met hen, die BT kunnen begrijpen. Zij die OT hebben, talen er echter niet naar, om BT te hebben en het omgekeerde is natuurlijk ook waar. Het feit is, dat het merendeel van de Russen nooit Spaans zal gaan leren. Er is helemaal niets verkeerds aan, wanneer iemand alleen maar in het Grieks of in het Duits spreekt. Miljoenen mensen hebben er geen enkele moeite mee, omdat het met de pap-lepel was ingegeven.  

 

De mate waarin we OT of BT hebben, is een kwestie van conditionering. Iedereen leert zijn eigen taal, maar ook de specifieke manier van spreken, het zogenaamde dialect, zoals die taal daar meestal gesproken wordt. Het blijkt dus, dat in alle landen OT de boventoon voert en dat BT niet of nauwelijks voorkomt, omdat bijna niemand ernaar luisterd.

 

Ofschoon iedereen eraan gewend is om dit te doen, het gigantische verschil tussen OT en BT is natuurlijk niet te ontkennen. Het gaat er om of onze taal ons kan laten zijn wie we zijn of ons dwingt te zijn, wie we niet kunnen zijn. Met OT zijn we altijd aan onszelf en aan elkaar aan het werken, maar we zijn nooit echt onszelf en we zijn nooit echt aan het communiceren met elkaar. Dit komt omdat we in OT een klank produceren, die ons zenuwgestel op een negative manier beinvloed. In BT, produceren we eindelijk een natuurlijk stemgeluid, dat een weldaad is voor ons zenuwgestel. Het is dus zo, dat we in OT, zowel elkaar en onszelf bedreigen, maar in BT geven wij elkaar en onszelf een veilig gevoel.

 

Ik kan in BT erkennen, dat de meeste mensen OT als hun voertaal hebben en dus nooit tot BT zullen komen, tenzij ik het voor hen bewerkstellig. Zij kunnen en willen het alleen maar, zogenaamd, van mij leren, indien ze ervaren, dat ik iets te zeggen heb, dat zij bij niemand anders kunnen ervaren. Maar, ik blijf erbij, er valt echt niets te leren, want het gaat alleen maar, om het samen ervaren en beschrijven van onze veiligheid, geborgenheid, levendigheid, eerlijkheid, openheid, gevoeligheid, schoonheid, en authenticiteit.

 

Alleen het stoppen van onze OT maakt onze BT mogelijk. Het spreken en schrijven in die andere taal is eigenlijk heel simpel en vredig. In OT waren we altijd op zoek naar en geobsedeerd door de betekenis van de woorden, maar in BT hebben onze woorden betekenis, omdat we vanzelfsprekend zeggen, beluisteren, beseffen, lezen, schrijven, creeren, koesteren, onderzoeken, wat werkelijk voor ons individueel van belang is.  Wij voegen dus geen woord bij daad, want het zijn echt onze klinkende woorden, waar het om gaat.  

 

Go,

 

I continue with my Embodied Language (EL), even if everyone is talking like a headless chicken. My responsibility lies with myself. The only way to put deed to word, so to speak, is to realize, once and for all, your word is already a deed and has always been a deed. Reading about this can lead to the inspiration, which is needed to investigate that this is true. So, there is no absolutely no difference between saying something and doing something, because to say something is to do something.

 

It's simple when you have EL, but as long as you still are stuck in self-defeating, punitive Disembodied Language (DL), everything seems very complicated. You can say it all exactly as it is, in front of you and that is enough. You don't need somebody else to validate this, for it is your own understanding of your own verbal process that is important. Admit it, you are right and you have always been right. And, if you were wrong, it will always turn out.

 

At a certain point, it comes to light, there were still DL-remnants that had to be cleared away. There is no shame in the undeniable fact, that you were conditioned with DL and that there are plenty occasions, in your daily life, to relive that whole miserable history, one more time. Only you keep your DL going, no one else. As soon as you focus on yourself, your DL stops. The so-called other turns out to be nothing but your own experience, your own beliefs, your own concept, your own way of seeing, living, talking, and dealing with language.

 

There is nothing in your life that encourages you to have EL, except what you have created. Everything depends on you. That makes your life very clear. Although you can have EL with hardly anyone, this realization is necessary to accept that you can and will do it all by yourself. Your ability to continue EL without complaint, without protest and without falling back into your depressive DL for the hundred-thousandth time, arises from your happy realization, from the sigh of relief, that it depends on you.

 

It is not, as it is so often said, your choice, but it is your possibility, your potential and your true nature. There is absolutely nothing to choose and you will stop with that subversive delusion that you choose something. I can't suddenly start speaking in Chinese. Unless I take classes and am motivated, I will never be able to understand, read, speak, or write Chinese. Why would I want to learn Chinese, if I can get along fine in English? Unless I want to achieve something with Chinese, I have no motivation to learn it. Even though I am married to someone, who was born in China, we speak English and also Dutch. It has never been necessary for me to speak with my wife in Chinese.

 

Sometimes Bonnie talks to her mother in Chinese, but her mother hardly ever speaks to me in English, even though she has lived in the United States for over sixty years. DL and EL are like two different languages. You can only have DL with those who take DL as their usual way of speaking, and you can only have EL with those who can understand EL. Those who have DL don't like to have EL and the reverse is also true. The fact is, that the vast majority of Russians will never learn Spanish. Why would they? There is nothing wrong with speaking only Greek or German and there is also nothing wrong with DL. Millions of people have no problem with it, as it was spoon fed to them.

 

The degree to which we have DL or EL is a matter of conditioning. Everyone learns their own language, but also the specific way of speaking, the so-called dialect, as that is how language is usually spoken. So, it is evident, that DL predominates in all countries and EL is hardly ever heard anywhere, because nobody listens to it.

 

Although everyone is used to doing this, the huge difference between DL and EL is undeniable. It's about whether our language allows us to be who we are or forces us to be who we can't be. With DL we are always working on ourselves and each other, but we are never really ourselves and we are never really communicating with each other. This is because in DL we produce a sound that affects our nervous system in a negative way. By contrast, in EL, we produce a natural voice that is a boon to our wellbeing. It is so true that in DL we constantly threaten each other as well as ourselves, but in EL we make each other and ourselves feel safe.

 

I can recognize in EL, most people have DL as their main language and will never be able to get to EL, unless I facilitate it. They can only, supposedly, learn it from me, if they feel, I have something to say, they cannot experience with anyone else. But, I insist, there is really nothing to learn, because it is only about experiencing and describing together our safety, security, aliveness, honesty, openness, sensitivity, beauty, and authenticity.

 

Only stopping our DL can make our EL possible. Speaking and writing in that other language is simple and peaceful. In DL we were always searching and obsessed with the meaning of words, but in EL our words have meaning because we say, listen, realize, read, write, create, cherish, and explore what matters to us, individually. It was often said that we need more action, not talk. Such a statement clearly indicates our talk prevents action. In EL, however, it is the action of our resounding words that matter.

 

Wat? (I wrote this post first in my native Dutch language, but you can read the English version below)

 

Wat zal ik schrijven? Dat ik mezelf kan, mag en wil  blijven. Hoe doe je dat met taal? Nou, heel gewoon, heel normaal. Ga maar eens schrijven, over de woorden, die jij hebt en wil gebruiken, over de geur, die jij wil ruiken, over de klank, die jij wil spreken en horen, met je eigen mond en met je eigen oren.

Wat fijn, om dat te doen. Luisterend naar mezelf ontvouwt zich mijn visioen, van hoe ik met jou wil praten, zodat wij samen onze conditionering achter ons kunnen laten. Wat heerlijk, om zo te kunnen spreken, want wij geven elkaar telkens een veilig teken, dat alle bedreiging voorgoed is geweken.

Een nieuwe manier van converseren, die meteen kan gebeuren, die we dus niet hoeven te leren. Het is mogelijk en daarom gebeurt het, omdat je op de klank van je eigen stem let.

 

Wat interesant, ik wil dat alleen gaan uitproberen, om uit te testen, voor mezelf, of het waar is wat wij samen beweren. Ja, het is echt waar, dat het mag, dat het kan, want ik ervaar het en ik geniet ervan.

 

Waar gaat het heen? Wie zal het zeggen? Misschien ben ik het zelf wel? Ik krijg ineens kippevel. Het is zoiets moois, dat ik alles kan zeggen wat ik wilde, maar ik herinner me nog als de dag van gisteren, hoe ik mij aan mijn taal vertilde. Deze woorden zijn zo licht en gaaf, ik ga open in plaats van dicht en maak goed gebruik van deze nieuwe maatstaaf.

 

Het is echt waar dat dit gebeurd, omdat alle regels  door mij zijn goedgekeurd, omdat ik het zelf ben, die het heeft over wat ik herken en erken.

 

Ik geef toe, ik schrijf niet vaak meer in mijn oude taal, maar het voelt zo vertrouwd en er is zoveel pracht en praal. Ik wil er graag mee verder gaan, want ieder woord kan ik verstaan. Jij kunt het ook proberen en je klank laten klinken, waardoor alle woorden naar de bodem zinken. Ik ben benieuwd wat je gaat zeggen, als je ophoudt iets uit te leggen.

 

Je zegt het precies zoals het is. Zo’n opluchting om te zijn onsnapt uit je verbale gevangenis. Kom en ga nu maar eens kijken, achter die zware, ouwe dijken, naar de ruime hemel en de verre horizon, omdat je dat wilde, omdat het mag en omdat het nou kon.

 

Je hoeft niets te verzinnen, want alle woorden komen naar buiten en er blijft niets meer binnen. Ik volg precies waar je het over hebt, want ik het zelf ook gezegd. Het verfijnen hoeft natuurlijk niet perse te rijmen. Ik vind het leuk dat te doen, het voelt als het geven van een zoen. Wij zijn geliefden, die vele malen, niet zwijgen, maar spreken, in alle talen.

 

Ik hoop dat je verder gaat, totdat je gaat spreken over je verlichte staat, die niet is te verwoorden, maar die heel goed is to horen. Wacht maar totdat jou woorden gaan schitteren van geluk en je zeker weet dat dit nooit meer ophoudt, dit kan niet stuk, want jij brengt alles bij elkaar, in deze kracht, in deze energie, in deze reis, van hier naar daar.

 

Waar had ik het ook al weer over? Simsalabim, ik ben een toverende, onverschroken uitslover. Ja, ik mag en wil dat zijn, want mijn taal is mijn goudmijn. Ik geef, omdat ik me er geen raad mee weet en ik herinner me niets meer omdat ik alles vergeet.

 

Het is zo enorm aangenaam om jezelf te zijn en te blijven, om het te laten beklijven, door het lachend te overdrijven, dat je altijd bij jezelf kunt blijven. Ik heb het heel breed en mag het breed laten hangen, want ik heb waar anderen naar verlangen.

 

Indien wij ons met elkaar verbinden, kunnen wij, in elkaar onze eigen klank weer vinden. Ik hoop dat je het bij mij komt halen en daarna gaat schrijven over je reisverhalen. Ik wil erbij wezen als je het voor gaat lezen. Het is heel ontroerend om samen te huilen en ervaringen op te diepen en uit te kuilen.

 

We nemen er de tijd voor, er is veel mee gemoeid, want we zijn zo veranderd en we zijn gelukkiger gegroeid. Dit alles en meer ligt ons te wachten in de koude winternachten. We gaan het beleven, omdat wij er oprecht naar streven vanuit ons hart te leven.

 

Goed, lieve taal avonturiers, wij zijn altijd op weg naar datgene wat ik nu zeg. Het gaat niet om mij of om jou, maar of ik of jij ervan hou. Ik hoop het van jou te horen en laat je dus door niets verstoren.

 

Dank je wel voor het samen ervaren, zodat de schat zich kan blijven openbaren. Tot gauw, dit is het voor nou. Schrijf aan jezelf, in een melodieuze zin, over jou moment van jou nieuwe begin.   

What?

What shall I write? That I can, may and want to remain myself. How do you do that with language? Well, very normal, very normal. Just go and write about the words you have and want to use, about the smell you want to smell, about the sound you want to speak and hear, with your own mouth and with your own ears.

How nice to do that. Listening to myself, my vision unfolds, of how I want to talk to you, so that together we can leave our conditioning behind. How wonderful, to be able to speak like this, because we always give each other a safe sign that all threats have passed for good.

A new way of conversing, which can happen immediately, so we don't have to learn. It is possible and that is why it happens, because you pay attention to the sound of your own voice.

How interesting, I want to try that alone, to test, for myself, whether what we claim together is true. Yes, it's really true that it's allowed, that it's possible, because I experience it and I enjoy it.

Where is it going? Who's to say? Maybe it's me? I suddenly get goosebumps. It's such a beautiful thing that I can say anything I wanted to, but I still remember like it was yesterday how I got used to my heavy language. These words are so light and cool, I open instead of close and make good use of this new yardstick.

It is really true that this happens, because all the rules have been approved by me, because it is I myself who talks about what I recognize and acknowledge.

I admit, I don't often write in my old language anymore, but it feels so familiar and there is so much beauty   and simplicty. I would like to continue with it, because I can understand every word. You can also make your own sound sound, due to which all the words sink to the bottom. I wonder what you will say when you stop explaining something.

You say it exactly like it is. Such a relief to have escaped from your verbal prison. Now come and take a look, behind those heavy, old dikes, at the wide sky and the distant horizon, because you wanted to, because you are allowed and because you could do it now.

 You don't have to invent anything, because all the words come out and nothing stays inside. I'm following exactly what you're talking about, because I said it myself. Refining doesn't necessarily have to rhyme, of course. I like doing that, it feels like giving a kiss. We are lovers, many times, not silent, but speaking, in all languages.

I hope you will continue until you speak of your enlightened state, which cannot be put into words, but which is very good to hear. Just wait until your words start to sparkle with happiness and you are sure that this will never end, this cannot be broken, because you bring everything together, in this power, in this energy, in this journey, from here to there.

What was I talking about again? Simsalabim, I am a magical, fearless show-off. Yes, I can and  I want to be, because my language is my gold mine. I give because I don't know what to do with it and I don't remember anything because I forget everything.

It is so very pleasant to be yourself and to remain yourself, to make it stick, by exaggerating it with a loud laugh, that you will always stay with yourself. I have it very wide and can let it hang wide, because I have what others desire.

If we connect with each other, we can find our own sound in each other. I hope you come and get it from me and then write about your travel stories. I want to be there when you read it. It is very touching to cry together and to dig up and explore experiences.

We take our time, there's a lot involved, because we've changed so much and we've grown happier. All this and more awaits us in the cold winter nights. We are going to experience it, because we sincerely strive to live from our hearts.

Well, dear language adventurers, we are always moving towards what I say now. It's not about me or you, but whether I or you like it. I hope to hear from you and so let nothing disturb you.

Thank you for experiencing together, so that the treasure can continue to reveal itself. See you soon, this is it for now. Write to yourself, in a melodious sentence, about your moment of your new beginning.

 

DL-Taoism,

 

According to Taoism, opposites are complimentary and, supposedly, always go hand in hand. Like many other religions, Taoism uses beautiful, inspirational, positive words to describe our mostly not-so-nice actions, giving preference to naturalness, simplicity, and spontaneity. Also, Taoism emphasizes our basic virtues, such as compassion, frugality, and humility. However, when we recognize the great difference between Embodied Language (EL) and Disembodied Language (DL), we get a very different picture. With regard to the so-called interconnected forces of Yin and Yang, it is instantly clear, that when it comes to how we deal with our language, we either engage in DL or in EL. That is, we either have one or the other, as having both, would signify, we lack the skills to continue our EL, and, therefore, we endlessly suffer.

 

There is nothing positive about the reality, that we have mainly DL and may be, once in a blue moon, a few haphazard moments of EL. It means: chaos. Our inability to have EL instead of DL, makes us give up on EL. Most people do not realize that stability, to them, is more important than genuine interaction. They engage all the time in DL, because it creates a certain kind of order, which everyone pretty much adheres to. Looked at and listened to from an EL perspective, however, the hierarchical order, that is created and maintained by DL, is disorder. Very few people perceive it this way, let alone, live according to the order, which is created by their own EL.

 

Basically, nobody recognizes the magnificent order of EL, as they simply are ignorant about what EL entails. Yin-and-Yang philosophy is nothing else, but a useless byproduct of our DL, the common way of talking, which sadly has great cross-cultural validity. Obviously, Taoism is another example of mankind’s failed attempts at EL. Yes, it seemingly formulates EL, but as long as there is DL, there cannot be any EL, as they are mutually exclusive. To believe EL and DL can exist together, shows not only ignorance, but also a very calculated, manipulative, oppressive tendency.  In effect, insidious Taoism teaches that, somehow, EL supposedly happens along-side DL, but in reality, of course, we are not dealing with any EL, but with DL masquerading as EL. This bullshit continues to go on in the name of religion, politics, philosophy, culture, and, not to forget, commerce. We are constantly sold on versions of DL, because we have been made to believe that we can buy EL.

 

EL stands for everything we want, but no one seems to understand, that what we want is to be in control of our own language. Only EL produces this control, or self-regulation, while DL makes us work for it, but never achieve it. Even not having DL can become an obsessive effort, while EL is effortless. The world is full of fanatics, ascetics, workaholics, addicts, and sales people, who tell us, that we need to adhere to their language, to their narrative. I absolutely don’t give a shit, whether you will do as I say, as that would forever prevent you from having your EL.

 

To acquire EL, you must listen to yourself while you speak and then write to yourself what you want to do and do not want to do. Of course, you will only be able to write it, after you have said it. This order is crucially important, because first writing it and then saying it will perpetuate your DL. People have done this forever, as they could not have EL with others and gave up on having EL by themselves. When you have EL alone, you cannot miss the point, that you are not busy practicing some supposedly spiritual technique of self-cultivation. Also, you do not focus on anything in particular, because in EL, you can pay attention to whatever asks your attention. Surely, your ability to pay attention is a matter of saying it to yourself, describing it, exploring it, and ultimately understanding it. EL is not some stupid method to become more happy or successful, but it is the way to truly communicate and verbalize who you are.

 

To engage in EL, first, alone with yourself, and, then, with others, who have also talked with themselves, is to boldly refuse and abandon everything you were told about yourself with the DL of others. Your so-called self-hatred, therefore, which underlies your endless dissatisfaction with who you are, is relevant as well as justified. We all abhor when we are trying to be, who we believe we have to be. Moreover, in EL, we can finally be a nobody. Ironically, this makes us feel that we have, at long last, attained – for the lack of a better word – our true selves. Our fulfillment is in the accurate description and expression of our Language Enlightenment (LE) with our EL and not, some sneaky way to continue with our nasty DL.  

 

Away,

 

The longer I have continued with my own Embodied Language (EL), the further away I have moved from my own Disembodied Language (DL), as well as the DL of others. Since most people engage in DL every day, I have had to distance myself from them, as much as possible, as I prefer to have EL. I know the difference between DL and EL and I can have this preference. Anyone who would know what I know, would also naturally want to go on with EL instead of DL. I go on with my EL and can only share it with someone, who also knows how to continue with it.

 

Today, I feel as if I have died to DL. These EL words, which, perhaps, will only be read posthumously, are not for anyone, who did not feel like talking with me while I was alive. I write these words for myself, because I am alive in my EL today. Anyone who is alive in EL, can understand, I am writing to him or to her. I feel grateful to those who have EL with me, but I feel at the same time disgusted by everyone, who refuses to explore EL with me. In written EL, we can finally call a spade a spade. I feel betrayed by those who pretend to be alive, but calmed down and comforted by those, who, like me, also died to their DL. To those, who can have EL, only someone with EL is alive, as everyone with DL is a zombie. I do not feel particularly negative to them, but I do not want to be with them, I do not like them and I no longer feel – as I used to – that I was missing out on anything, if they did not want to talk with me.  

 

Throwing myself away, would be, for me, trying to have EL with someone, who has DL and being again disappointed and negatively affected by DL, which then, inevitably, overtakes me. My tendency to still criticize DL has remained, although I have given up on teaching people about EL. In fact, I never say to anyone anymore, as I used to, that I do not want their DL, I only write about it, as saying it, got me in trouble, again and again. I never worked for me to get involved in DL. All arguing, debating, fighting, and, so-called reasoning about being right, always negatively affected me, in many ways. However, I have found out that writing about DL is without any negative consequences for me. To the contrary, it makes me feel, I have said what I wanted to say.

 

Those who read this and do not agree with me, will never talk with me. I enjoy putting their atrocious DL in its place, as I witness, that everyone, but me, is overtaken by it. When I would talk about it with others, I would be overtaken by it as well. I do not believe anyone can remain unaffected by spoken DL. Those who pretend to have EL, in one way or another, always try to make others believe, they are somehow above or beyond DL, but I am not above or beyond anyone. This issue of being better than others and of feeling superior or inferior, belongs to spoken DL. It is easy for me to write about DL with EL, as it protects me from getting involved in DL. Yes, I still like to comment on DL, as I can do that and I know very well, I am unique in that sense. Everyone who, unknowingly, unskillfully, unconsciously, tries to address DL, inadvertently, gets involved with it, but I do not. Of course, this is because I have made the distinction between spoken EL and DL, first, and only then began to write about it. Others, who have not done this, are inclined to believe that writing about this difference, will change and improve their ability to talk about, what they believe EL and DL to be. Everyone has their own sense of what EL and DL is, but no one has, like me, stopped participating in spoken DL, so that he or she could only continue with EL. We have overestimated the importance of written language, but undervalued the importance of our spoken language. And, we still stubbornly and violently continue to believe, our written words can address and correct the gigantic problems, we continue to have with our spoken communication.

 

Our unintelligent, morbid emphasis on everything that is written, keeps the illusion alive, that we can read and, supposedly, study, and learn our way into being better, more knowledgeable, moral, peaceful, and loving verbalizers, but nothing is further from the truth. Unless we start with listening to ourselves while we speak, we will only engage in spoken and in written DL. I am convinced, all our written texts derive from our spoken DL. Only someone, who has for some time, spoken with and listened to him or herself, was able to explore his or her own EL and can meaningfully write about how it is, to have EL with others. To him or her, it is out of the question, that anyone is benefitted from written or spoken DL and he or she, just like me, will be unable to speak about it with those, who continue with DL. Reading about the difference between DL and EL, is the only chance for those with DL, to not be again offended, to stop their own DL, and to explore their own EL.                     

 

Continue,

 

To understand this writing, it is best to read it out loud and to listen to your voice, while you read it. Writing about listening to yourself speaking, is such a delight. You should try it sometimes. Of course, you would first have to speak with yourself about what matters to you and listen to your sound. This is not weird or objectionable, but something very exciting and interesting, as you will come in touch with yourself, verbally. Although you may have had brief moments in which this experience continued, you probably have never deliberately created this sense of wellbeing for yourself before. When you hear how you sound, while you speak, you will find yourself capable of continuing your speaking with the voice, which you like to hear and enjoy.

 

By listening to yourself while you speak, you will be able to say things differently than you usually say them, as you put into words the observations and experiences, which were never verbalized before. In effect, you become verbal, to yourself, about what, in DL, you could not let yourself know. People have often talked about the importance of making the unconscious conscious, but such conceptualizations never made us fully verbal, as we inevitably got lost in the many superstitions, fears, and pretentions of our Disembodied Language (DL). However, when you talk and listen to your sound, you will say things to yourself, with a sense of renewal, because your sound guides you into saying things, which can only be said, if you take the time to say it, explore it, and listen to it. Your verbal description, understanding, and acceptance of yourself is profoundly healing.  

 

You recover from your involvement in DL, when you allow your Embodied Language (EL) to unfold and inform you about what you could and should do and what you could and should not do. To do what you could do, is to do what you should do and not to do what you could not do, is to not do what you should not do. This is not some game of words, but a transformative experiment, which sorts out your behavioral repertoire. To your own amazement and relief, you begin to do what you want to do and can do, as you stop doing what you never wanted to do in the first place. However, doing what you want to do, is not, as most people would be inclined to believe, following your dream or some ideal, since you will only be doing what you are able to do, if you have no expectations and if you do what you do, because you can do it. In other words, what you do when you do what you want to do, is something you already can do, but did not allow yourself to do.

 

In EL, you are no longer striving to achieve some hypothetical goal, but you have both feet on the ground and become confident, by doing what you can and want to do. By not doing what you believed you had to do, the comfort already begins by saying it to yourself and by hearing yourself saying it. Your appreciation for your EL increases exponentially, as you begin to act on the self-instructions and the possibilities opening up for you, as each opportunity presents another enriching, enchanting experience of your own Language Enlightenment (LE).  These fulfilling results stand in stark contrast to the many negative outcomes of your own DL. Unless you fully acknowledge, with your EL, that these problematic, re-traumatizing, energy-draining experiences where  embedded in and emerging from your own DL – and not from the DL of others – you will continue to create and repeat these unwanted consequences.

 

Simply stated, you do not want the negative results of your own DL, because you never wanted to do what you did, that is, although nobody ever asked you, you never wanted to be involved in DL. It is truly astonishing to discover and admit to yourself, that your way of dealing with language determines everything you do and do not do. Although it is impossible to comprehend all the implications immediately, your EL is going to set you and keep you on the path that reveals your LE. Obviously, this writing is a result of what I have just described. Everything I write about here, I have talked about with myself and, in the same way I can talk with my EL about my DL, I can write with my EL about my DL. Thus, everything I say and write is left behind, as I only continue with what I want to do and can do.           

 

Settled,

 

Things seem to have permanently settled, as I no longer worry about anything. I am no longer upset about anything or feel sad about anything. The new me doesn’t seem to have any emotional upheavals anymore and it is kind of strange, that someone like me, who has had such a turbulent life, at long last, came upon this peaceful, clear, enjoyable experience.

 

I am amazed to feel so satisfied and accomplished, as I don’t do any of the negative things anymore, I used to do. So much of my old behavior has simply stopped and it doesn’t even look like, I am going to replace it with other behavior. Whenever an old behavior stops, this is a beautiful non-event. All of a sudden, there is space, where, before, I was doing something. On the whole, I do less and less and this means, I live a spacious life. I have so often done something totally different from what I am doing today, but at this point, there is nothing else I want to do then what I currently do.

 

I am already doing what I want to do and there isn’t any self-defeating behavior that still needs to be stopped. This is peculiar, as it just seems yesterday, that I felt so overwhelmed by traumatic behaviors and couldn’t even begin to imagine how to stop these behaviors, let alone, be without them. Yet, they have disappeared and I do not even remember anymore what it all was about.

 

What was is no longer important to me and only what is happening now keeps me busy. What is happening to me these days is not very much and I like it that way. I have made a cup of tea and wait until it has cooled off enough to drink it. I smell the Camille and look forward to filling myself with this warm fluid. I have just taken a shower and after I have drank my tea and have finished this writing, I will go to sleep. I also look forward to going to sleep. The warm tea will make me fall asleep quickly. When, after another sentence, I stop my writing, I feel still and complete.

 

I am grateful to my wife Bonnie, who reads her book in bed, while I am doing this writing. She is retired and still getting used to not working anymore and looking for something she wants to do. Buddy, our cat, sits in the bedroom. I see him down the hall. He looks at me, as I drink a sip of my tea. I create this world. This afternoon, when I drove home from work, I saw a rainbow. I like to sit a while longer in this chair and doze off a little. This writing pleases me, as there is nothing in particular I try to address.

 

To me, nothing is something and I find it fascinating to write or speak about nothing. Everything comes out of nothing and returns to nothing. Whenever something happens, it only seems as if something was going on, but upon further verbal inspection, expression, and exploration, it turned out to be nothing, as it, often even unnoticeably, dissolved. I am reminded of the family-gathering, for the spreading of the ashes of my dear father-in- law on the ocean water, near San Francisco’s Golden Gate bridge. I was in awe with his death as with his life. I was at his death-bed. One moment, he was still there and, next, he was gone forever. That moment, changed my life. Something in me had died as well.

 

I realized, I no longer wanted to pursue the PhD in Psychology. Although I had successfully completed all the course work, advanced to candidacy, was accruing my clinical hours, and writing on my dissertation about attachment and unresolved loss, I could no longer tolerate the enormous stress. Bonnie’s father had been such an incredible inspiration, to believe in myself. I studied for many years to become a psychologist, but I was so glad that I didn’t become one. Instead, I used my master’s degree to teach at Butte College. It was a great honor and pleasure to teach Psychology, but it was also very demanding, especially, when the on-line teaching became so important, due to the Covid epidemic.

 

When I gave up teaching in 2021, I felt so relieved. Soon afterwards, I also gave up on teaching people about Embodied Language (EL). With that, came an end to my involvement in the field of psychology. I find it still stunning, that after all these years, I have left all the problems of other people behind me. And, with that, also came an end to the problems I myself was having. I once wrote a small poem. It goes like this:

 

                                     I erase

                      to put new words in place

                      this is how I make my case

 

This writing is almost coming to its end, as the page has filled up with my writing about many things, which came and went. This space is now full of grace. It makes me touch my face. This nothingness is my home-base.