(This Dutch writing is available in English below)

 

Taal,

 

Wat gebeurt er, als ik in mijn eigen taal ga schrijven, over dat waar ik altijd bij kan blijven?

 

Het is alsof ik mijzelf een opdracht geef, die ik maar al te graag  uitvoer en beleef, omdat het meteen tot de gewenste resultaten leidt: het verdwijnen van ieder besef van tijd.

 

Het merkwaardige van mijn vreugdevol ontwijken, is dat er zoveel is bereikt, maar niets is te bereiken.

 

Er komen vanzelf wat woorden naar voren, die mij bekoren, die ik wil horen.

 

Het is zo fijn, om in mijn eigen taal te zijn.

 

Er is zo’n rust en ruimte, om toe te laten en om te vergeten, wat ik niet meer hoef te weten.

 

Mijn taal is licht, als mijn ware gezicht, dat lacht om dit eenvoudige gedicht.  

 

Het wonderlijke ontwaken gebeurde, en nu is de waarheid de realiteit.

 

Ik zit in mijn gemakkelijke stoel en geniet van alles wat ik voel.

 

Ik ben eigenlijk heel normaal, nu dat de hele wereld is verdwenen in mijn rustige taal.

 

Ik hou van de voortgang zonder drang en blijf trouw aan de aap uit mijn mouw.

 

Wat een enorm geluk heb ik gecreerd, omdat ik, wat ik deed, heb afgeleerd.

 

Altijd ben ik bereid.

 

Alles is vervat in mijn goedmoedige woorden schat.

 

Ik doe waar ik om geef en ontvang elke dag als een geschenk, dat ik beleef.

 

Ik ben zo blij met wat ik kreeg: een Zen-schilderij met slechts een veeg.

 

Nadat ik was gestopt, om het uit te leggen, had ik ineens zoveel meer te zeggen.

 

Het is beter zo, nu ik begrijp, dat ik hiermee niets bereik en dat dat het is waar het om gaat, mijn hart verstaat het doen van deze daad.

Omdat ik handel naar wat ik hoor, kan ik verder en ga ik door.

 

Elk moment kom ik tot mijn recht, omdat ik het heb geschreven en heb gezegd.

 

Echt waar, beste lezer, mijn spreken is dit gedicht want mijn schrijven heeft mij verlicht.

 

Ik zal blijven vertellen, wat het is om alle lagen af te pellen, om te zingen en dansend te springen, om te lachen om een fout van toen vanwege mijn voormalige manier van doen.

 

De verandering heeft bezit van mij genomen in mijn waken en in mijn dromen.

 

Ik ben mijn eigen stem.  

 

Language,

 

What happens when I start writing in my own language about what I can always remember?

 

It is as if I give myself an assignment, which I am only too happy to carry out and experience, because it immediately leads to the desired result: the disappearance of all sense of time.

 

The curious thing about my joyful dodging is that so much has been achieved, but nothing can be achieved.

 

Some words come out of their own accord, which charm me, which I want to hear.

 

It's so nice to be in my own language.

 

There is such a peace and space, to allow and to forget, which I no longer need to know.

 

My language is light, like my true face, laughing at this simple poem.

 

The miraculous awakening happened, and now the truth is reality.

 

I sit in my easy chair and enjoy everything I feel.

 

I'm actually quite normal, now that the whole world has disappeared in my quiet language.

 

I like the progress without pressure and stay true to the monkey up my sleeve.

 

What immense happiness I have created, because I have unlearned what I did.

 

I am always ready.

 

Everything is contained in my good-natured words, my dear reader.  

 

I do what I care about and receive every day as a gift, which I live.

 

I am so happy with what I got: a Zen painting with just one swipe.

 

After I stopped, to explain, I suddenly had so much more to say.

 

It's better now that I understand that I'm getting nowhere with this and that's what matters, my heart understands doing this act.

 

Because I act on what I hear, I can move on and keep going.

 

Every moment I come into my own, because I wrote it and said it.

 

Truly, my speaking is this poem, for my writing has enlightened me.

 

I'll keep sharing what it's like to peel back all the layers, to sing, dance and jump, to laugh at a mistake I made back then because of my former ways.

 

The change has taken possession of me in my waking and in my dreams.

 

I am my own voice.

 

 

See,

 

Since you only know how to engage in Disembodied Language (DL) and, therefore, are unable to engage in Embodied Language (EL) – because the two are mutually exclusive – you find written words, such as these, more important than spoken words. Actually, if you would look into it (pun intended), you would discover, that you find your spoken words, which you can hear, are more important than the words you write or read. However, to your own detriment, you have been culturally conditioned, to prefer the latter. Yes,  your conditioning history is against what you naturally prefer as an individual and you remain  unconsciously tormented by this fact of life, unless you figure out, how you want to use your language.

 

Clearly, due to education, science, and technology, we go against our human nature, by making it seem as if visual stimuli are biologically more important  than auditory stimuli. Consequently, what you say, is more important than how you say it – not the other way around. Although we hear, time and again, the phrase “it’s not what you say but how you say it”, it has become a total cliché, as we only pay lip-service to how we sound, that is, to how we say things, while we speak. Nonetheless, the saying matters more than ever, because it is so true, as it  pinpoints exactly the difference between DL and EL.

 

Our common so-called understanding very clearly derives from our almost permanent involvement in DL. The saying basically says: we want to hear and have EL instead of DL. Supposedly, communication is about content and delivery, fifty-fifty, but, when it comes to the handful of presumably specialized talkers – our leaders, who may do all the talking, by demanding everyone’s attention – we have been forever bamboozled into the childish belief that our so-called great leaders relate to us, ordinary people.

 

I would say that great leaders engage in EL instead of DL, but I know for a fact, this is absolutely not the case. Leaders, like everyone else, merely pretend to have EL, while, in fact, they always engage only in DL. If there would be a leader with EL, people would begin to have EL, but such a leader is nowhere to be found. People searched for truth all over the place, but have only imagined that they have found it, as they were driven by visual stimuli and, therefore, they have never listened to themselves. If they would pay closer attention to what they hear, they would recognize and know, that their leaders fake it until they make it. Leadership with DL is a big joke.

 

Everyone with DL likes to believe, that they already know, that any so-called innovative ideas, will have to be delivered, in a way that connects with other people and relates to them in a meaningful way, but this predetermined tendency, to convince others, has never worked. That is why the worn-out saying “it is not what you say but how you say it” is totally meaningless. In other words, we never shifted our attention from visual to auditory stimuli, so that we could stop our DL and finally engage in EL. Stated differently, elevated leaders, have, inadvertently, always spoken in the same way everyone else speaks, which means, as speakers, they try, in every way possible, to dominate the listener, preferably,  by making it seem as if they really connect or care.

 

We mainly have DL, but seldom EL, and even when we do, it is only a short-lived, awkward, special, but illusive moment of genuine empathy or caring and then we go on again with business as usual. These brief, shocking, unexpected occurrences of EL, are confusing, as we never achieved or experienced any  ongoing EL. In short, our need to, supposedly, make it, constantly overtakes and pushes out our ability to be open and sincere in a consequential manner.

 

Courses, in which we, supposedly, learn how to  communicate effectively, don’t teach us to have EL instead of DL. Everything that is taught, is taught with DL. Learning would be a real conversation, if we were taught with EL. I looked it up – hahaha – guess what? People are even taught to look others straight in the eye, to, supposedly, really see them. They are literally told, nothing is more dismissive,  demeaning or disrespectful, than not recognizing people, by not making eye contact, while you speak. This is an example of how speakers manipulate the listeners, by making them look at them and, thus, making them pay attention to what they say.  

 

Hilariously, people are also taught to be direct and genuine. Anyone who has EL, will be able to tell you that directness and genuineness is innate, but if one tries to be direct or genuine, this always means one engages in phony, scripted, superficial DL. Also, students of communication, are made to believe, that leadership is not about controlling people, but about breaking down barriers and creating a sense of trust. In EL, there are no barriers to be broken down, as we reciprocate our experiences of trust.

 

Anyone who studies communication, is going to  hear about the presumed importance of telling stories. From an EL perspective, however, this emphasis on telling stories, is about monologues being more important than dialogue and pushing a particular narrative. In EL, we stop rehashing the same old story, which perpetuates our conditioning. How we say things, deals with how we feel while  we speak, but we can’t feel anything, if there is no opportunity to address how we feel, that is, as long as what we, presumably, think is more important. It is only during DL, we keep unsuccessfully trying to increase our self-awareness, as in EL, we are already aware, so we don’t need to work on ourselves, as we receive, continuously, auditory feedback from the pleasant sound of our voice, while we speak.

 

You have not yet had EL, so come and talk with me and find out what it is like. Aren’t you so bored, fed up and disappointed with DL, that you feel like you live a meaningless life? It is the first day of the new year, so why not do something boldly new and talk with me? You can make a skype appointment with me, my skype name is limbicease and clarify EL is not a mystical theory, but a reality, you can create.

 

My language goes where it wants to go. I let it go to you, if that is what this moment tells me to do. I let it happen and I write or speak about what I want to write or speak about, as often as I can. This is such a delight, as I do not know, when I open my mouth or put my pen on the paper, where my EL will go. Of course, I take my own safety precautions, not to get in trouble, that is why I stay away from your DL as much as I can. I would be stupid to expect, that I could say what I write here, to just anyone and if you read this, I want you to know, that you are one of the few, who actually consider what I am saying and writing. Most people find my writing too long or too repetitive, that is fine with me, as I don’t do anything to write or speak in any particular way to please others, because I only write or speak in this way to please myself. Yes, it feels so good to be able to do this and those, who pay attention to what I am doing, know, I am not hurting anyone, although, occasionally, I feel like lashing out at the tragedy of DL, which is our unaddressed usual way of talking.

 

Look, you may be used to DL, but that doesn’t mean  you have to go on with it. Of course, you can stop it and you can have EL instead and engage in EL with me. I write this blog to hopefully make that happen. Even if is doesn’t happen, I continue to write about EL, as I have changed so much by speaking it, that I am even having great fun, just bashing your dumb,  aggressive, disgusting, superficial, twisted DL. What else can I do? I like to poke fun at your DL. I know I am not particularly funny, but rather annoying for others, but I am very funny, according to myself. This is because I am not trying to be funny, while I am exploring my EL. It is sidesplitting, you don’t get it. Although I have been sad, frustrated, confused and worried about it, I no longer feel that way, as I know that your inability to laugh with me, has made me laugh even more. It seems true, for me, that the more I laugh with myself, the less I laugh with you.

 

I am not trying to be funny for you, but I find, the more serious I am with you, the more fun I have. To me EL is serious, since I know perfectly well why you can’t have it. In the same way, a boy grows up to pray in church or sing in a choir, because he is, like I was, raised in a Catholic family, he will never, all of a sudden, out of the blue, begin to recite Buddhist’ mantras or perform Hindu Puja rituals, as that was never a part of his upbringing or his behavioral conditioning history. How are you going to have EL, if there wouldn’t be someone like me – who is not teaching it to you and you are not learning it from him –  with whom you can talk? There is no other way to acquire it. Forget about learning EL, as you will never get what it is, as long as you believe, due to your previous conditioning, that you can learn it.

 

I find that funny that EL cannot be learned, because I myself have tried, in vain, for many years, to teach it. The joke is on me and your stubborn, cowardly, ignorant refusal to talk with me, validates each point I am making in this writing. Are you daring enough, are you having enough sense of humor, to have EL and laugh about yourself? I would like, you would say yes, but I know, you are probably not going to do that. Perhaps, you still continue reading. In that case, these words may still get under your skin. They may strike a chord with you, that there is no point to my formulation of EL, if it there wasn’t, just now the realization, that you are reading and understanding, how this text is really changing you.

 

You cannot read this, while hanging on to your old belief, that these words – like the muddy words you are used to reading or hearing elsewhere – are derived from DL, because you already know, they are not. What you read is the written version of EL. Moreover, I am reading these words together with you, although I am writing these words, with my mouth closed. I and you can speak like this and I can make you imagine, what it is like to hear this. I use these words, which are, of course, visual stimuli, to bring your attention, to how you would sound, that is, to auditory stimuli. I can tell, if you are getting it and so can you. Since you aren’t speaking yet, there’s only this writing, I want you to get. If you have read it, you’ll get it. You cannot miss it, as you have seen these words, which cannot be unseen.          

 

Ability,

 

I really appreciate having developed my own ability, to always say, to myself, exactly what I want to say and can say. I do this because, for the most part, I am not in the position, to be able to say it to you. I would like to say to you, what I can say to myself, but you don’t want me to do that, as you only know how to engage in Disembodied Language (DL).

 

Even when you let me talk and, presumably, agree with me, you ask me questions, which indicate, that you are not ready to have Embodied Language (EL) with me. For instance, you would ask: how do we teach this to others? The entire notion of others doesn’t arise in EL, as the other, is always perceived, as our own experience, our own memory, our own belief, our own description, our own explanation, our own opinion and our own fear or our own happiness. In other words, when you have EL with me or with yourself, you will certainly notice, that  there really is no difference between me and you.

 

Shockingly, in EL, our identity – our belief in who we are, in who we have been and in who we are going to be in the future – dissolves. This will predictably happen, as EL is the inescapable expression of our Language Enlightenment (LE). Our EL announces the unavoidable transcendence or death of everything we have falsely assumed about our reality. You are already enlightened, although you haven’t acquired the necessary way of talking, to properly express it.

 

Another indication, you still only want to have DL, is that you believe and talk to defend and impose that belief, that you think there is an inner voice, which is your consciousness. However, there is no private speech, as this is merely the way in which we speak about the irrefutable fact, that we are seldom, if ever, in the preferable circumstance, in which we can fully verbally express ourselves. Certainly, we would be in that situation much more often, if we would repeatedly talk out loud with ourselves and listen to ourselves, as doing that, would allow us to say and consider everything we had wanted to say and were able to say. It would be very clear and self-evident to us, that we don’t think before we speak or even hear what we say, as we would listen to ourselves while we speak, that is, we would speak and listen simultaneously, at the same rate.

 

What we call our mind, our thoughts, our feelings, our experiences, our memory or our perception, is our language, which we now fully express and hear or, as with this writing, read. The issue of having a consciousness, therefore, is an indication, that we haven’t talked with ourselves and so, we believe in many things, which aren’t true. Simply stated, there never was a me, who was having an experience, as there is only our way of speaking or writing, which  happens in such a way, this appears to be the case.

 

The whole separation between the experiencer and the experience, is merely a fictitious verbal concept, which causes us many complicated problems. Thus, DL, is simply an incorrect way of talking about our reality, while EL is the only correct way to speak or write about our reality. DL is incorrect, in that, we believe in the division between an inner, subjective world and, an outer, objective world. Again, these are just illusions, which are created and maintained by the way in which we speak and, inevitably, write.

 

Since all of mankind is still trapped, by the old way of talking – DL –  in which we continue to imagine things to be true, which are patently false, we also produce writings, which reflect this fallacy. In effect, all the writing that has been done, derives from DL and this writing, is one of the very first versions of what has derived from EL. In DL, our emphasis on morality itself, is the inevitable mistake we make in our ability to distinguish between right and wrong. There is no right or wrong other than our EL and our DL and, indeed, EL is right and DL is wrong.  It is that way, even though we were not yet aware about it.

 

The possibility of EL has always been with us, and has always, albeit in minimal ways, had its positive effects. Each time we were peaceful with one another, each time we were friendly, sensitive and open to having real conversation, we were already, unknowingly, engaging in EL. However, it was never really clear to us, what EL was, therefore, our most important behavior - which is our verbal behavior (speaking, listening, writing and reading) - still causes us tremendous problems. EL is the expression of who we naturally are, when we say what want and are able to say and, thus, our EL is essentially the only way for us to come to know our own LE.    

 End,

 

On the last day of this year, I would like to express,   – with tongue in my cheek – my eternal gratitude to all the superstitious, coward, stupid people, who have refused to talk with me, not only in the year which is about to come to its end, but in the many years that went by, since I became aware of and started talking about my Embodied Language (EL).

 

It is my unrelenting expectation, that you, upon reading this, contact me via skype (my name is: limbicease), to schedule an appointment, free of charge, in 2023, to explore, experience and know   the great difference between your Disembodied Language (DL), that is, your usual way of talking and EL. Yes, I expect you to swallow your phony pride, as I don’t want to search for you while you hide and I am not going to convince you, that there is nothing inside or that my EL is about being wrong or right.

 

I am thankful to anyone with DL, who still believes EL is impossible, unrealistic or unwanted, as this has made me find the way to continue with my own EL. Without leaving the DL of others, we cannot leave our own DL and begin to recognize, our own EL is always possible, as no one else is needed. We can  and should have EL alone and ascertain, why others cannot have and do not want to have EL with us.

 

When – at long last, out of pure frustration with the DL others, but mainly with our own DL – we begin to talk with and listen to ourselves, we find, there is no self, that is, there is no such an assumed entity as a speaker, inside of us, who, presumably, speaks with a listener, inside of us. There is no covert inner agent, deep inside of us, who can hold, cherish or repress a thought, as there is only overt language, which is spoken, heard, written or read – by us.

 

With our EL, we finally acknowledge our Language Enlightenment (LE) and become crystal clear on the irrefutable fact that everyone, who still engages in DL, believes in pure nonsense. The fact that millions of people, in every culture, talk in this way doesn’t make it true. To the contrary, that you behave like everyone else and, therefore, mainly engage in DL, makes you complicit, in creating and increasing the greatest problems mankind faces. When you talk with me and have EL, it will not be because I, but because you have stopped your DL. I am not in any way going to help you to stop your own DL, as I will only talk with you, after you have stopped your DL.

 

I just heard the news on TV, that the pope has died and the cardinals in the Vatican are now debating, if he should be put on the fast track to saint-hood. I guess, they can make that happen, but neither the pope nor any other so-called spiritual leader has ever properly addressed or engaged in EL. Surely, all  our elevated, celebrated authorities (i.e. teachers, priests, gurus, therapists or anyone, who has the power to demand, that people behave as they tell them to) have forever been pretending to have EL, while they have always only engaged in DL. This is  why DL has remained unaddressed and continues to fester, everywhere, twenty-four-seven, unabated.

 

I just came back from having breakfast with my wife downtown. As we were finishing up, someone I had once spoken with, recognized me and walked to our table. It had been a friendly and brief conversation, about our participation in the Open Mike evening, where we had enjoyed each other’s song. He had also shared that he was writing a lot and we agreed to read each other’s work and exchanged our email addresses. Per email, I expressed my appreciation for his writing and he also stated that he enjoyed reading my work. So, I suggested, we could meet, have a  coffee and talk about our writings. As if I had crossed a line, he declined in a stern manner and stated, he would never talk to anyone, who tries to convince him of their point of view.

 

Obviously, he had drawn that conclusion from reading my writing. However, I immediately felt that I really didn’t want to convince him, that I didn’t want to convince him and never responded to him again or heard from him again. I had seen him only once after that, in that very same place, but I ignored him, as I didn’t feel like talking to him anymore. Surprisingly, he greeted me, wished us a happy new year and expressed puzzlement, that I would still be willing to talk with him. I responded, I would always talk with anyone, who is willing to talk with me, to which he, argumentatively replied: but, how can we talk, if you stick to your way and I stick to my way? I acknowledged, he was right and that I  felt no urge to engage in DL with him. As if stung by a bee, his friendly demeanor immediately changed.

 

In a complaining, admonishing, accusatory, but also defeated, sad tone of voice, he stated: I guess, this is how this crazy old world of ours keeps twisting and turning. I shrugged my shoulders and said, I was feeling very happy to be able to tell him, that for me nothing is twisting or turning, as I create and live in my own reality. It felt good to see him back off, as he was, undoubtedly, trying to get me to react to him, so that he could reject me. However, I have become so settled in my own way of life, that I no longer get triggered by people like him, who are paranoia, defensive and arrogant. As I have stated in other writings, I feel vindicated, I no longer want something from someone and then, react to them

 

Unbelievable,

 

The sad reality of Disembodied Language (DL) – our common way of interacting – is that only a handful of speakers do all the talking, while the vast majority is reduced to being merely listeners. The inevitable consequence of our usual way of talking is that only those very few people get to speak, who know how to keep dominating the conversation.

 

A lot of talk is going on these days about equality, justice, inclusion, and diversity, but nobody is ever considering the undeniable reality, that something is fundamentally wrong with our accepted, normal, everyday way of speaking. Moreover, only someone who speaks with or writes to him or herself - and is able to engage in Embodied Language (EL) - can step out of the insidious struggle for attention, which is the very basis of virtually every human interaction.

 

The implications of our unconscious, involuntary, involvement in DL and our unaddressed inability of deliberately establishing, enjoying, maintaining, exploring and understanding our EL, are far-reaching. Only someone like me, who is able to continue with EL, in spite of the fact that everyone stupidly engages in DL, describes and knows what these implications are.

 

What you read in this writing, is a report, written by someone, who talks about, knows about and writes about, the great difference between DL and EL, who finds it unbelievable, unintelligent, and absolutely unacceptable, that nobody is even willing to talk about or acknowledge this quintessential issue. Yes, consider this for a moment. Neither psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, teachers, doctors, scientist or philosophers are interested in exploring EL, by having a conversation. 

 

Now that I have become capable of continuing with my own EL, I no longer try to accept anyone’s DL. For a long time, I tried to do that, but it always backfired, as it got me involved again in DL and I never wanted to participate in DL, in the first place. Now that I have, not only understood, but also accepted, that my EL always expresses my Language Enlightenment (LE), I realize, there is so much I want to write about, since I can’t speak about it with you. This is not because I can’t speak about it, but because you don’t want or dare to.

 

My understanding of EL was, until quite recently, still without the full acceptance and the full expression of my LE. Although I had, many years ago, already discovered the possibility of ongoing EL, my interest in, my fascination with, my exploration of and my unrelenting passion for, the intricate workings of this unique process, took priority over my LE. In effect, without LE, my EL had remained sort of incomplete.

 

You will discover something new, each time you catch  and stop yourself from having DL and are then able to engage again in EL. Surely, EL is unbelievable and the only thing that will convince you, is by engaging in it yourself. However, the magnificent newness of your EL is the manifestation of your LE, of who you really are. Naturally, you cannot permanently have EL, as there will be always still be some moments in which you react and end up engaging in DL again. I sometimes react to the fact that nobody wants to have EL with me.

 

Today, I have started to consider my occasional tendency to still engage in DL, as part of my nature, that is, as part of my LE. Of course, I sometimes have DL, because I want to have EL with you and I simply can’t help being human. Moreover, I don’t believe in anyone, who pretends to always have EL. This idiotic, saintly lie has been promoted by creeps, who, supposedly, have the moral high-ground. These manipulative so-called wise,  spiritual, enlightened, self-realized ones perpetuated this patent nonsense and could never properly address EL.

 

I feel so grateful, I have, against all odds, always been able to continue with my EL, even though, like everyone else, I have a conditioning history with DL. You mainly mechanically act out your conditioning  history with DL, but you can still have some accidental, brief moments of EL. As a matter of fact, your natural behavior always presents itself as a problem to you, since your way of talking is not in sync with it. I have more EL than anyone else, because I can have it and I keep talking with, listening to and writing to myself.

 

Like millions of people unconsciously do, I always felt that DL never benefitted me or worked for me. There have been many moments in my life, where I said, fuck it, I just want to say what I want to say, as I felt hurt that people never listened to me, but yet accuse me of not listening to them. I felt burdened by what appeared to be the story of my life, but after considering the fact that nobody is actually listening to him or herself, I figured, my story is everyone’s story. People told me they really feel, I listen to them very differently than other people do, as I listen to myself, while other people don’t.  

 

Whenever I push back on anyone’s DL, even in the most gentle, careful, courteous manner, whenever I interrupt or de-escalate someone’s verbal tirades, they are mean and rejecting to me. Everyone who has had EL with me in the past – there must have been thousands – is still angry with me for pointing out their DL, as I would let them know, when they didn’t listen to themselves while they speak. It has never happened, that anyone of these cowardly people returned to me, to let me know: you were right, I wasn’t listening to myself, as I believed what I said, was more important than how I said it.

 

There was, however, one unique person, who, after many years of not having talked with me, realized, she had always, like me, in spite of all the DL everywhere, continued with what we had been talking about, back then. Together, we have explored and verified our EL and become established in our EL. It is unbelievable, but it is true,  we both have transcended our traumatic back-ground. This illustrates the great healing powers of EL for anyone who has mental health problems. This one person, affirmed for me: I was and I still am right and because of her feedback, I gave up teaching. We have such great fun, talking with each other about our LE, as we keep coming to the exact same conclusions.

 

It is a matter of protecting myself, that I have stopped teaching others about EL or trying to have EL with others, who, apparently, still want to continue with DL. My Dutch friend and I know, we are talking about a big taboo: we don’t accuse you of not listening to yourself, but we observe a simple fact about your DL, which you  could also hear, if you would listen to yourself while they speak. This writing is because I can’t speak with you. You don’t want to acknowledge that I am right and what I say is important. While quantitatively, my DL is much less than everyone else, it is much worse, than anyone else, qualitatively, as I never fail to hit the nail as hard as I can, in spite of the price I have to pay for this.                 

 

Understand,

 

Here I am, writing to you, but not speaking with you, about my Language Enlightenment (LE). It is no problem for me, that I can’t have any Embodied Language (EL) with you, as I continue to have it by myself, because I understand my situation. You can read about my EL, while you go on every day with your Disembodied Language (DL), since you don’t dare to speak with me about it. Of course, speaking with me would mean, that you would discover your EL and your LE. I don’t need to hear about your DL, but you do. After you have EL with me, you would begin to express, explore and understand your own DL with your own EL. So, your cowardice, ignorance, deceitfulness or insincerity, is your problem, not mine. Moreover, your talk about creating a better world is a superficial, cheap, tragic lie, because it is never about your LE, but about your unworthiness.

 

You read this and yet, you still don’t want to talk with me, because you are simply unwilling to face the miserable facts of your life. While it seems, as if you don’t want to talk with me, the reality is: you don’t want to talk about your own life with yourself. One of the many epiphanies everyone has, when they, for the first time, in EL, hear themselves, is that they enjoy listening to themselves and, thus, begin to acknowledge and understand, that in DL, they didn’t want to hear themselves, as they spoke with a sound, they never liked to hear. Nobody likes to listen to each other in DL, which remained our common way of talking, as everyone, unknowingly, speaks with an attention-demanding voice.

 

The fact that you don’t hear yourself, when you have DL with others, is that your only concern is, that you want others to listen to you. Presumably, you don’t need to listen to yourself, but others need to listen to you, so that you can dominate and force them to do as you say. In essence, your coercive, punitive, unintelligent DL is an ineffective of talking, as it can never result in a lasting sense of safety. To the contrary, you only create a phony, short-lived, disconnected sense of control, as you are always on guard, because you are struggling, to keep getting the attention of others, who supposedly listen to you, as long as they do as you say. As you too must already know – although in DL, people may know their place, speak only when spoken to and are only willing to listen to, praise and adore, the celebrity, famous, supposedly, well-respected, speakers, who have made it a profession to attract the listener’s attention – listening continues to be a big problem, which causes divorce and behavioral problems in children and adults, because you don’t understand that listening to others, involves listen to yourself.

 

Whether you like it or not, now you read about your DL, which has remained your biggest problem. With DL, you anxiously continue to have no clue about who you really are and that is why you do what you do, in the hope it will work, but it never does. I can say all of this, because I know it is very offensive to you, after all, who am I, to speak to you in this way? Well, first of all, I only write this to you, as you don’t let me talk with you. Secondly, make no mistake, no matter how much people write, they are never saying anything. Nowadays, everyone, who has a message, who, supposedly, has something to say, writes a book. I don’t write any book, as I don’t care enough whether you read these words or not. Yes, I write them for myself, to let myself know, that I can understand what apparently nobody understands.

 

I am going to sleep now and have enjoyed writing about this. I don’t have any hope that you will ever change your so-called mind, because I don’t even believe that you have a mind. You are merely stuck with your pretentious language. As you can read, I use my language very differently. This writing is not about me, speaking my mind, but about my ability to understand, that there is another way of talking than your usual way of talking. I have come into my LE, that is why I can come to you, in this writing.        

 

Raining,  

 

I keep experiencing again and again, moments of great victory. I am capable of not reacting, under circumstances, in which, in the past, I used to react. I do not know, when was the last time I reacted and I am surprised to notice, it was a long time ago, yet I clearly remember the negative feelings, I used to have. I am also still puzzled, that this could happen to me. Although, it was quite a while ago I have reacted, it seems, as if I have only just started, to not react, yesterday or minutes ago. The clarity of my language amazes me. It is such a contrast with the confusion, conflict, and chaos, I used to have whenever I reacted. I like to describe this space.

 

At the time of this writing, not reacting seems to be about having an evaporating memory of what used to happen, when I got upset. I used to get upset a lot, but, these days, that does not happen anymore. Moreover, I notice that something else happens, as it can happen. It seems as if I have won the grand price and I feel so happy, proud, and vindicated. I recognize myself and burst out in laughter about all the shit I have been going through, because I was carrying it with me for so long. I feel unburdened and certain that I will continue this way. I am free.

 

It is raining and that pleases me tremendously. It reminds me of Holland, my country of origin, where I used to ride my bicycle, every day, rain or shine. I was wearing a rain-suit, but it was always cold, wet and windy, yet, I got where I needed and wanted to be. In The Hague, my hometown, riding my bicycle, was my only means of transportation. Not reacting, to me, is as big as being in Holland, but not riding my bicycle anymore. In Chico, California, I no longer ride my bicycle, because I find it too dangerous and stressful. I still have an old one, but seldom ride it and do not really miss it. I ride my car and I get my exercise in the gym. However, I enjoy writing about the memory of riding my bicycle in Holland, before I emigrated to the United Stated in 1999 and can still picture myself riding around in the town where I was born.

 

One day, many years ago, something very unusual happened. It was a beautiful spring day and I was riding my bicycle along the canal, on my way down town, to some place, to have a coffee. However, I was feeling restless, bored, and aimless. I was only doing what I was doing, to have something to do. Actually, I didn’t even want to go to that place, as I had already been there so many times before. I knew the people, who were usually there and I felt frustrated, I couldn’t have a good conversation with any of them. Why was I even going there again? Why go through the same thing again and again?

 

I stopped pedaling my bicycle, as my body refused to do it and let my bicycle come a halt. And then, I was just standing there, with my bicycle in my hand, next to the water. I briefly considered throwing my bicycle in the water, but I began to walk back home, with my bicycle in my hand. What was I going to do? This was definitely an existential crisis. Was I going insane? For me, to just stop riding my bicycle, was something unbelievable. Yet, I had really done it and I had to wait in front of the open draw-bridge, near my house, until some large boats had slowly passed by. It seemed to take forever and the line of cars of people waiting became longer and longer.

 

I can still see myself standing there, with my bicycle in my hand, feeling somewhat relieved by the fact that there was nothing else for me to do then wait. Finally, the ships had passed and slowly the bridge came down. It felt as if it was a dream. As soon as the light turned green, all the traffic started moving fast past me, while I walked with uncertain steps to my house. When I arrived, I went up in the empty attic. I sat on the carpet and looked around in this recently vacated space, which was soon going to be rented out. The old, kind people, from who we rented the second floor, used to sleep here, but they had moved all their stuff to the ground floor, as they were no longer able to walk up the stairs.

 

My wife Bonnie was at work. She just graduated with her MBA and had an important job for the Rotterdam School of Management, while I was jobless and still trying to figure out, what I was going to do and who I really was. I remember this deep pit-feeling of dissatisfaction, not depression, but frustration, resentment and disappointment. There I sat in that attic, muttering to myself that the roof wouldn’t cave in. Low and behold, it didn’t. My eye caught sight of a small box, in the corner, which had been overlooked and was left behind. I crawled into that corner under the roof and pulled the box closer. I opened it, to see what was in it. Only old books. I took them out, one by one and put them aside. They didn’t interest me. Underneath these books, I found a gong. I took it in my hand, with the string that was attached to it and looked again in the box, to see if there was also a stick with a ball, to hit the gong? And, yes, there it was. I had the stick in one hand and the gong in the other hand.

 

I wanted to hear what the gong sounded like and softly struck it, just once. I enjoyed the sound and then I said calmly to myself: that sounds good. In that unforgettable moment, I heard my own voice, which sounded like that gong. I knew instantly: this is how I want to sound, while I talk and this is how I would like others to sound, when they talk with me. I began exploring what it is like, to talk with myself about everything that was going on, but with that sound. My heaviness and turmoil subsided, as I was effortlessly able to speak in a different tone, with a sound I liked, as it was really me. I was so excited, as I had discovered the language that creates space.

 

I spoke with myself only for a few minutes and was showered with many blessings and insights. It felt so right to say to myself what I had always wanted to say, but had never said before. The experience was so restful, relieving and energizing. I stretched out on my back and closed my eyes. The renewal was so moving. Our cat Lola, suddenly came in through the open roof window. She did something she had never done before: she situated herself on my chest and started purring. I was healing from my hurt and trauma and quiet tears ran down my neck. I felt so fortunate and certain that I had discovered a phenomenal treasure: I had heard and found my own voice. For the first time, I had stopped my own Disembodied Language (DL) and with my Embodied Language (EL), I had recognized and verbalized my Language Enlightenment (LE), which is my nature.