November 13, 2015

November 13, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

Dear reader,

I changed my letter type as I am feeling more serious about explaining the distinction between Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) and Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) than ever before. Students have noticed that their rate of SVB has increased and their rate of NVB has decreased over the course of the semester. This is not a miracle, but a consequence of my teaching. I have given them positive feedback for their SVB and I have ignored and extinguished their NVB. Without that an increase in the rate of SVB and a decrease in NVB cannot and will not occur. Each of the  papers that were written is evidence that I was successful in increasing their SVB. As I had stated at the beginning of the semester: their success in achieving more SVB is my success and we have enjoyed this class together. I have kept my promise. Since I do as I say, I want the reader to take time to reflect on the importance of correspondence between saying and doing.

To the extent that there is correspondence between what you say and do, you engage in SVB and to the extent that you say one thing, but do something else, you engage in NVB. Your actions are in tune with what you say only when you produce SVB. Your behavior could not, was not and is not going to be in tune with what you say as long as you are having NVB. The reason for this discrepancy is that you make a difference between talking and acting, while both are, of course, behaviors. The saying that “actions speak louder than words” is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Presumably, we create a bigger impact by what we do then by what we say. Supposedly, there is a difference between the two. The word “louder”, which can only be understood as an increase in volume while speaking, is used here metaphorically, and presumably it expresses something of greater importance.

When we sound louder while we speak we raise our voice and the intensity of what we say is increased by the sound of our voice, which is bound to be experienced by the listener as an aversive stimulus. We only do this to force, attack, dominate, distract, upset, challenge or harass each other. We don’t do this if we are at peace with each other and happily affiliating. Thus, we have NVB in the former and SVB in the latter. What we do can be just as aversive or as appetitive as what we say. That there is a difference between the two is a fabrication maintained by NVB.

The fiction that there is a difference between what we say and what we do is perpetuated by NVB. SVB, by contrast, dismantles the way in which we are not only befooling each other, but also ourselves. The words we speak so loudly are ineffective actions. Likewise, actions that supposedly speak louder than words are ineffective actions too. We only feel the need to turn up the volume and scream when we are frustrated as we know we are ineffective. When we are effective we have no such inclination. When we respect and like each other, we get along well as our impact on each other is positive. The false notion of action speaking louder than words doesn’t occur when we have SVB.

Your rate of SVB didn’t increase as you decided to increase it. Also, your habit to have NVB was not your choice. We created an environment in class in which SVB could happen and it happened. It only happened to the extent that we created and maintained this environment together. You have seen and heard each time it was no longer the case and NVB took over. Our classroom is a miniature version of our world which consists of many different environments. Wherever we are, either we enjoy our relationships as we create and maintain a good atmosphere together or we find ourselves on own, competing and struggling with one another. 

I have demonstrated to you we are no longer alone, but together. I have given you an experience of what being together is like and what it sounds like. We sound very different when we are connected or disconnected. I believe that we are isolated due to how we talk. Even if we are together and talk, we don’t really connect with each other. NVB separates the speaker from the listener and this separation already occurs within each speaker.

No matter how much or how loud we speak, no matter how much we demand the attention from each other with our actions, no matter whether others can be forced to listen to us or can be told what  to do, our NVB can’t put Humpty Dumpty together again. The separation between the speaker and the listener within the skin of the speaker him or herself is a natural consequence of our repeated exposure to NVB. This separation dissolves with more exposure to SVB. Moreover, as the separation between the speaker and the listener within the speaker dissolves, it will also dissolve in the listener. When the listener began to speak and listen simultaneously, you my dear reader, began to participate again in SVB. Me, the teacher, and you, the student, we were having SVB as there was no separation between me as the speaker and you as the listener. I, as a speaker am also the listener. I am, but I also was like you and I am listening to myself each time I speak with you. You could also speak and simultaneously listen. I reinforce your SVB in spoken and in written form.