October 29, 2015

October 29, 2015

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Engineer

                                                                                                                                          

Dear Reader,

In Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) there is a bi-directional relationship between the speaker and the listener as the speaker can become the listener and the listener can become the speaker. This turn-taking is needed to explore the fact that how we talk is determined by others, who are stimuli in both our current and our previous environments. It is evident in the language development of children that they don’t start with words, but sounds. We are born nonverbal and we become verbal during our development. Also in many other species vocalizations play a big role in conspecific communication. Sounds of the members of our group gave rise to language as our vocal cords came under functional control of our environment. In SVB we pay attention to how we sound.

By listening to ourselves while we speak we experience that language is rooted into biology. Absence of aversive stimulation is something we have only temporarily experienced. Most of our so-called interaction is based on aversive stimulation. Most Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) is based on hierarchical differences that existed throughout evolutionary history, but which, ever since the arrival of language, began to shift. In different cultures, languages, countries, cities and communities, that is, in different environments, different populations have achieved very different levels of SVB and NVB. Even within environments there are individuals who have higher rates of NVB and those who have higher rates of SVB. We  only have SVB if our survival is no longer threatened. 

The difference between a perceived threat and a real threat cannot be determined as long as we keep having NVB. In NVB, a perceived threat is considered to be just as real as a real threat. In SVB, however, we can finally let go of the perceived threat, which was not real, but stayed with us for so long as it has helped us to survive. In our evolutionary history it was adaptive to act on every notion of threat. The arrival of language must have been made possible as our relative sense of safety, support and community allowed us to begin to behave verbally. This is as true today as it was since the emergence of language. We can only talk with each other as long as we feel safe, but we stop talking the moment that we feel threatened.

That we feel threatened doesn’t all of a sudden turn us again into nonverbal babies (although such effects do occur), but it definitely impairs our ability to communicate. We still talk when we are afraid, intimidated, angered, distrustful, hurt, upset, frustrated, violated and overwhelmed, but such talking falls into the NVB category. During SVB there are only positive emotions and these can continue as there is no aversive stimulation. 

Hierarchical differences among people which we still see and hear everywhere in our world are maintained by NVB and they will be acknowledged, understood, dismantled and prevented by SVB. It is only after we have had enough SVB that we realize how much of our problems were caused and maintained by our involvement in NVB. If you worry a lot about the amount of negativity in this world, this doesn’t and can’t translate into a new way of talking. The shift from NVB to SVB will only be made if special attention is given to how we sound when we create and maintain a safe, supportive environment. 

You are so busy with what you or other people say that you don’t have a chance to connect with your nonverbal experience while you talk.

Lack of connection with and awareness about your voice causes a separation between what you say and how you say it. This separation is apparent when you as a speaker disconnect from what you as a listener experience. Although you don’t pay much conscious attention to this, you always experience yourself while you speak. The extent to which you are aware of this signifies your rate of SVB and the extent to which you are unaware of this signifies your rate of NVB. In SVB, you become a conscious communicator, but in NVB, you are on ‘automatic pilot.’

Three of your habits, which listeners reinforce, are: 1) fixation on words, 2) outward orientation and 3) struggle for attention. You find that your voice doesn’t sound so good when what you say is considered to be more important than how you say it, that is, when you fixate only on the words. You also sound quite horrible, to yourself as well as to others, when you are trying to impress others. Those who are trying to impress you sound just as terrible as you. If we are outward oriented, we want others to listen to us. When others force us to listen to them, their voices grab, stab, pull, push and drain. That is why it is called NVB. 

As we are arguing, as we are trying to win, as we are trying to defend,  as we are trying to distract and as we are trying to ‘play the devil’s advocate’, we struggle to get and hold each other’s attention. Our nonverbal voice sounds demanding, coercive and aggressive when we struggle to score points with our verbal acrobatics. The listener also struggles with the conflicting verbal and nonverbal expressions of the NVB speaker. And, different speakers struggle together as they want to address their different topics. At times it seems as if all of our human interaction is one endless struggle. However, this struggle stops when we attain SVB. In SVB we listen to ourselves and because of that we listen to each other. In SVB we have no problems listening or speaking.