Voice-Lift,

 

Those who complain, that it is difficult or even impossible to be funny these days – as it is so easy to step on someone toes and to hurt someone’s feelings – are, in my opinion, simply too blunt and too stubborn, to admit, that humor badly needs a make-over or a face-lift. We must face the fact, that ingratiating, loud, hyped-up ranting does not cut it anymore. In-your-face humor is totally outdated, as it paints a muted picture. The desperation becomes bigger and bigger with each so-called funny act. Any intelligent person feels irritated, listening to the meaningless, hopeless, repetitive, bullshit, which people accept, because, supposedly, it is humor.  

 

Face-lifts do not work. With age, our appearance changes. There is nothing anyone can or should do about it. However, when we mature, we speak in a different tone of voice, as we can now laugh about things, which we used to get so worked up about. You can hear, we have become wiser, as we sound calmer, milder, and friendlier. We sound up-lifting. I consider this voice-lift the future. Without it, humor is dead, as we refuse to grow up. You hear it is not funny, as you keep laughing for the wrong reasons.  

 

Nobody cares about how things are said anymore, these days, as speakers will only get the listener’s attention with forceful, manipulative, rehearsed verbal acrobatics. Surely, the change in humor and the change in our usual way of talking, is going to come from how we sound, not from what we say. I need to address the words, which you wear, like a mask on your face. Interestingly, the word person, comes from Latin, per-sonare, which means: sound coming through the mask. In ancient theatre, actors wore masks as they acted their roles. I am against masks, as it seems to me, you are hurting yourself, because your words distort your sound. When what you say is more important than how you say it, you sound horrible, as your words are disembodied. You got your words from a script, but you do not dare to speak without your prepared, boring verbal garbage.

 

I criticize you for your stupidity and brag about my intelligence, because, unlike most people, who do this, I am funny, because I speak the truth. Get with the program, the future of mankind (if there is any), is going to be that we enjoy speaking together and hearing the truth, and, we are going to have a lot of fun. I bring you happy tidings, as I believe our future sounds good. Who wants to hear all that old crap again, anyway? I do not and you do not want to hear it either, although you are not yet as focused on how bad our so-called humor sounds, as I am.

 

I claim that all comedians sound lame and the same. This is not insulting, but liberating. It makes sense, to stop being busy with what I say, so that you can finally have some fun. I know that my words are not funny, it is okay, but my sound is where it is at. Of course, I would not get anyone to laugh by sounding dreadful, angry, stressed, or arrogant and I do not sound like that. I cannot fake my own sound, because if I would be frustrated, you would still hear it, even if I tried to sound happy. If I would be boring, I would sound even more boring, if I tried to sound interesting. If I sound tired and tried to sound as if I am full of energy, I would completely wear you out, as I would suck all the energy out of you. Yes, I would make you angry, if I tried to sound funny. However, if I was truly funny and sounding funny, you would probably not even hear it, as you are not used to hearing what it sounds like, when someone is sounding funny. When we say, someone sounds funny, we mean, something is wrong with him or her. Of course, there is nothing wrong with me, when I am having fun and when I sound funny.

 

The sad fact that you cannot hear I have fun, is because you do not listen. The reason people do not laugh anymore in their lives is: they do not hear how funny they sound, when they themselves say something funny. They want others to say it, as they believe to be incapable of saying something funny themselves. They can still say something funny, but this would only happen, if they would listen to themselves and stopped listening to others. Since I would like you to listen to yourself, I suggest you repeat, to yourself, this small sentence. Do not try to convince yourself, as that would not be funny at all, just say it in such a way that you can hear it. Also, do not try to sound meaningful, as that takes all the fun out of it. And, lastly, do not try to sound, as if you already know what having fun sounds like, as that sounds so incredibly dumb. Now slowly and carefully, say this to yourself: I CAN HAVE FUN.