Awakened,

 

The other day, after we ate dinner, while we were watching a movie and drinking some delicious red wine, I had fallen asleep on the couch. I must have been asleep for a while, when my wife Bonnie went to bed, as it was her time. She likes to read before she goes to sleep, but before she fell asleep, she checked on me, as I was still lying there, in the dark. She slightly touched me, as she wanted to let me know, I should come to bed, but it startled me, I had suddenly been awakened and I wasn’t sleepy yet.

 

Although I had only slept, may be, for an hour, I was right awake and was feeling full of energy. Surely, I felt a little embarrassed, I passed out on the couch, in the middle of a movie and being awakened by Bonnie – who then went to sleep – had something  unusual, as it was still fairly early in the evening. My sense of space-time was altered and it seemed, as if I felt more awake, than I had ever been before.

 

I am reminded of another time, long ago, when I had fallen asleep during some meditation camp. We were all in some big hall and during the final part of the meditation, we were lying flat on our backs. It was a huge group. When I woke up, it was dark, and everyone was gone. Obviously, falling asleep wasn’t the purpose of the meditation, but it seemed as if this was the most exquisite experience for me. Nobody had awakened me, and I felt, I had awakened myself.

 

In the past, I have often been awakened by dreams. Many times, my dreams were about something fearful or dreadful, but occasionally, I would also dream about something fantastic and beautiful. I like to speak or write about, what it takes to be awakened. I know, that my Embodied Language (EL) is needed, but to have EL, I first had to stop my  Disembodied Language (DL). I certainly know about the difference between my DL and my EL, but my Language Enlightenment (LE) was only revealed to me, once I was able to stop my tendency, to let others know about my EL. Due to my history of  conditioning, I kept, psychologically, falling asleep.

 

Right now, it is two o’clock in the night. I am happy to be right awake. I went to bed very early, at seven, so I have already slept seven hours. I probably won’t sleep any more, after I am done with this writing. I guess, I woke up, because I had slept enough and I believe, that anyone will only be awakened, if they have really had enough of being asleep. I just love to sleep. There have been times, I was feeling scared, intrigued, excited, worried or bored by my dreams.  

 

These days, my EL is steady and stable, but it wasn’t always this way. Many times, I went back and forth between my DL and my EL. While I believed, I really had enough of my own DL, I kept being drawn to it again and again. Actually, when I, for the first time, had discovered the immense difference between my own DL and my EL, I felt, I had been awakened. The only thing I wanted to do, is to scream it from the roof tops. I tried to tell everyone about it and, in one way or another, I went on doing that for years.

 

My awakening, however, wasn’t like anything I had read or hear about. I knew, I was awakened and yet, I came to find out, I didn’t yet have the language to express it. Apparently, my DL had only stopped long enough, to make me realize the difference between my DL and my EL. In spite of my awakening, I was as stuck in my DL as everyone else. Actually, I seemed to be even more stuck than others, as my DL always caused me so many problems. I felt infuriated, that others didn’t have such problems, with their DL, but that I always got in trouble for it. Looking back on those harsh days now, I realize it had to be this way.

 

The only language, which fits with being awakened is ongoing EL. Only a few moments of EL, is simply not good enough. As stated, EL can only continue, if DL – and all behavior that is associated with it – has been stopped. I am still in the process of doing that and, quite likely, I will never be able to complete what I have started. Luckily, I no longer worry about this, as I used to. When I was still busy, trying to let others know about EL, I felt so bad about this, but now that I don’t care about that anymore, I live my life as best as I can and feel so happy about myself.