Shame,

 

Our common notion of shame, is determined by how others have spoken and written about it, but not by how we ourselves have spoken about it – with ourselves – let alone, by how we – also with ourselves – have written about it. In other words, shame – the painful, verbally-impairing emotion  about how one appears to others and to oneself, without having done anything – is based on our almost permanent involvement in Disembodied Language (DL). I would say, DL is the language of shame. In DL, we make a distinction between shame and guilt. I have never been able, to quite tell them apart, because my reasoning has always been based on my Embodied Language (EL), even while I was still incapable of fully, consciously, recognizing the great difference between my own DL and my EL.

 

In DL, our sense of shame pertains to a person, whereas guilt pertains to an action or actions and to blame and remorse. With our self-defeating DL, we, unknowingly, blame ourselves, because others have blamed us. Stated differently, we were conditioned to constantly beat ourselves up and that is why we can never be happy or satisfied, as long as we keep having DL. Our shift from DL to EL is so relieving, as we finally experience our language without shame.

 

Guilt – during our mechanical DL – involves the awareness of having done something wrong and always arises from our actions. Obviously, in DL, we are always – no matter how much we can dominate,  deceive or manipulate others – feeling guilty about our own language. The sad fact, that we don’t and can’t express our own language in DL and that we don’t and can’t express our own experience, doesn’t mean, we don’t have our own language and also doesn’t mean, we don’t have our own experience.  

 

Shame is the inevitable, paralyzing emotion, which is elicited by our common way of talking, which has set the stage for how we deal with language. Since all our other behaviors are regulated by how we deal with our language, our entire behavioral repertoire is contaminated by shame in DL. To be able to continue with our EL – rather than having only a few brief haphazard moments of it – we will have to recognize and abandon all behaviors that were associated with our DL and continue only with those behaviors, which are in support of our EL.  

 

There is a reason why, in everyday language, people use the terms shame and guilt interchangeably and why I used to feel so confused about this presumed difference. Since I happened to be the person, who – because he began to repeatedly talk out loud with himself, and, therefore, was able to hear the sound of his own voice – has discovered the big difference between his DL and his EL, I have been made to feel ashamed and guilty, like no one else. I have studied psychology, and I am well-aware, that according to psychologists, there is a difference, between the experience of shame and guilt, but I will use this opportunity, to point out, that psychology hasn’t delivered and couldn’t improve human relationship, as it has never addressed the difference between DL and EL. Stated bluntly, our DL has continued unabated.

 

Our dreadful, unnatural, coercive DL is not only the language of shame, but also the language of guilt and, I should add, the language of distraction. Our DL has endlessly distracted us – as individuals – from our how we – ourselves – have continued to use our language. This whole issue of consciousness has always obfuscated how we use our language. DL inevitably results in meaningless hair-splitting and in definitions and concepts, which make things worse.

 

With ubiquitous, highly problematic, unintelligent DL, we were led to believe – actually, we have all been punitively indoctrinated – that our guilt and shame sometimes go hand in hand. Surely, the same action may give rise to feelings of both shame and guilt, where the former reflects how we feel about ourselves and the latter involves an awareness that our actions, supposedly, have injured someone else. As long as we have not acknowledged the difference between our DL and EL, we interpret everything according to our DL. 

 

Although it may appear that way, in the beginning, when you engage in EL and leave behind those who still continue with DL, it seems as if you harm them, but in fact, you do them a great favor, because you no longer reinforce their DL. Our DL isn’t continued because we decide to continue it, but because it is reinforced in the environments, we are in. We have never been in stable environments in which our EL is reinforced. It was due to DL, that our feelings of shame, seem to only relate to who we are, but our feelings of guilt are about others. This meaningless distinction doesn’t address DL, which creates and maintains the notion, that talking with ourselves and listening to ourselves is of no importance at all. When you, for the first time, by yourself, all alone, engage in EL, you will begin to really sense, how ashamed you are, to speak by yourself. You haven’t done anything to anyone, and you don’t do anything to yourself either, but you simply speak and listen to yourself and find, how different this is from how you speak with others. As you notice the change in the sound of your voice, you will hear less and less fear, anxiety, stress, distraction or judgment about saying something wrong. Whether you talk about yourself or about someone else, with your EL you always talk about yourself, that is, you always express your own wellbeing. The other, with whom, for the most part, you couldn’t have any EL, as he or she still engages in DL, always makes you feel ashamed, as you will notice, that your EL can never meet with their DL.

 

The typical guilt feeling of having remorse for some offense, crime, wrong – real or imagined – always is an indication of our involvement in insensitive DL. Likewise, shame – the painful feeling arising from the awareness of your real self, by saying, admitting, accepting, recognizing, and, acting on, what is true, and what is, therefore, good for you – turns EL, the language of freedom, success and happiness, into something ridiculous, improper, shameful or dishonorable.

 

I heard someone tell an anecdote, which hopefully will bring home my message, which is that DL our usual way of dealing with language really sucks. This person had been at some dinner party, where he had argued and reacted to a friend and then he had said something hurtful. Later, he felt guilty about what he had said, but he felt also embarrassed and ashamed, that he had been the sort of person to behave in that way. It is very clear, that he regretted his DL, but since he doesn’t view it that way, he will go on with DL, in the same way it always continues.

 

Another utterly useless distinction is the difference between shame and humiliation. These meaningless concepts haven’t addressed, let alone, stopped the DL, which creates and maintains them. Presumably, shame is an internal, but humiliation is an external matter. However, there absolutely is no such a thing as an internal process, as language is always overt. The fact that this isn’t acknowledged in psychology doesn’t make it any less true. In closing, I want to also define DL as the language of humiliation. We are continuously publicly humiliated, when in the name of DL, we are told to know our place in our inherently violent and conflicted social hierarchy. We have all been traumatized by our long history of conditioning with DL, which has deprived us of our dignity, which is who we really are, and which can only be expressed with our ongoing EL. Moreover, our Language Enlightenment (LE), which, of course, can only be expressed by our ongoing EL, is the only way to truly overcome the humiliation which occurs – every day – when a person is publicly or privately shamed, with DL, by another person or group.