July 11, 2014

July 11, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

People may say that they don’t want to talk or they only want to talk if they can control the conversation, but that is not a reason to stop talking with them.  It needs to be pointed out that not talking or talking in which one communicator, the speaker, dominates the other, the listener, is NOT communication. This writer has found that the communication can only be continued by insisting on the fact that Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) this is NOT communication. That many people think that dominating each other is the way, means that we keep having NVB. 

Those who do most of the talking produce NVB, not Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB). It couldn’t be any other way. SVB can only be attained and maintained in a deliberate manner, by those who know the contingency that makes it possible. The absence of SVB is a consequence of our lack of communication skills. This lack of skills sets the stage for how we talk. Sophisticated conversation cannot occur due to our blunt ways. The saying "if you only have a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail" comes to mind. The fact that people are trying to listen to each other didn't and couldn't produce SVB. To the contrary, most people keep trying to listen to NVB and are sold on it hook, line and sinker, over and over again. NVB is happening everywhere because it is reinforced. Most environments don't reinforce SVB. What this comes down to is that people simply don't know how to have it.

The distinction between SVB and NVB has never really been made. Attempts have been made to recognize our different ways of communicating, but none of these attempts have lead to a coherent theory which explains what is happening. Stated differently, no matter what we choose to believe, there has never been any real consistency in our way of communicating. One moment there was SVB and the next moment there was NVB, but nobody bothered, because we all bought into it.

The authority of those who sell well, who know how to play on our emotions, is based on the illusion of SVB, while in reality NVB keeps on going. However, we can’t have SVB until we stop selling ourselves. Although we keep trying to convince ourselves that we are really communicating, we are selling ourselves short. We even think that we want to be sold on what someone says and then buy into the message, but we don't realize that SVB, real interaction, can’t be bought. 

SVB doesn't depend on politics, religion, sexual orientation, economics, language, race or culture. Indeed, SVB includes and transcends these familiar categories. NVB, by contrast, gets us stuck to these categories. NVB perpetuates inequality.  SVB exposes NVB, which goes on in the name of human interaction.  The expression of negative emotions is problematic and is neither necessary nor useful. We all  think it is okay to keep burdening each other with negativity, but that must stop.