June 28, 2014

June 28, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

It is quite surprising to this writer how much he enjoys writing. Writing is his new way of speaking. When he starts, he wonders what he will be writing about and something interesting always presents itself. He finds it relaxing and he considers writing as quality time with himself. Right now is three ‘o clock in the morning. The night is cool and quiet. Far away he heard a train and the birds are singing. 

In a little while, he will go back to bed, but for now he speaks with himself with these words. It is a sense of control and peace which is found this way and he wants to hear what he has to say. He doesn’t have to say it, but he can, if he wants to say it. He can determine what he wants to say, in his own way. 

Yesterday, he walked with his wife through the neighborhood. It was a nice walk and people said “good evening” in a friendly manner. He spoke with his wife about his recent emotional outburst when he opened this box with pictures of his family. He was thinking of contacting his family again, because he felt bad again about keeping his family out of his life, but his wife discouraged him. When they were talking, it was a relief to let them go once more and to be able to think that it is okay the way it is and that he doesn’t need to contact them again. 

It is still a new experience for this writer that he is now free from his past with his family. To write this sentence is liberating to him. To speak about himself in the third-person is also helping him to take distance from the things he was for so long so involved in, so attached to and so troubled by. 

There is more calm in his life these days. He is also free from other problems he used have and he is slowly getting used to not having many problems or not even having any problems at all. It is strange for him not to have any problems. He has a t-shirt that says “life is good”. He had a good first week at his new job. He had a training together with his colleagues and he is learning new behaviors.

This writer has learned and is still in the process of learning not to do or say things which before he felt he had to do or say. It is not really a new behavior because it deals with not doing and not saying. As he is doing and saying less and less, life keeps getting better and better. It is really amazing how much gets accomplished in an effective manner by doing and saying as little as possible. 

Even in his writing he practices the minimalism he enjoys. It is an art to say as much as possible with as few words as possible. This writer has always been rather lengthy, but has decided that he wants to be briefer. His success in accomplishing this is more satisfying than how he conducted himself before. 

At this point, Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) involves an exploration of writing. Writing happens because there is something to write, because something makes us write. Writing is a function of saying something. Although writing is not the same as speaking, although the contingencies that make us write are different than the contingencies that make us speak, they are two different categories of verbal behavior. Likewise, also SVB and Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) are two different categories of verbal behavior. When we say something in an angry or hostile manner, this is called NVB, because our nonverbal behavior is based on negative emotions. The word ‘Noxious’ is used to describe the nonverbal effects on listeners. In NVB, a speaker's nonverbal expressions are experienced by the listener as aversive stimuli.  In SVB, however, we only express positive emotions. Although we are verbal in SVB and NVB, we can only be truly verbal SVB. We communicate only in SVB. No matter how verbal we are in NVB, we don't communicate.

Being verbal doesn’t mean that we communicate. We only communicate when it is possible for us to communicate. Negative emotions, such as fear, anger, distrust, irritation, anxiety and sadness make communication impossible. We think they are part of communication, but they are not. They prevent communication and have to be absent for it to start. Because we are so used to and conditioned by NVB, we never explored what SVB is like. SVB is based on the absence of negative stimuli.