March 29, 2014

March 29, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

The more time has gone by in which I haven’t had contact with my family, the better I feel and the more my neurotic habits have decreased.  It amazes me how much better my life has become since I have stopped interacting with anyone from my family. In retrospect, my mistake was to try to stay in contact with at least someone. Whenever I had spoke with one of my family members, it was always dissatisfying and leading to negative emotions.

What I longed for didn’t and couldn’t happen. Because I wanted it so badly, it took me a long time to accept it. When I was able to accept that it didn’t happen, it was odd to find out that it couldn’t happen. For all these years, I had wanted something which was impossible, but somehow I was convinced that it was possible. My conviction was my biggest enemy because it led to one frustration after another. 

Nevertheless, I got what I wanted by abandoning my family, in the same way that they had abandoned me. I am no longer angry or upset about it and I am at peace with this decision. For years I was going back and forth on this decision. Now that more than a year has passed in which I haven’t had any contact with anyone, I know that I have put behind me the sadness which I have suffered.  

Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday. I know she misses me, but I don’t miss her. I also know that my father and my siblings are angry with me. I am surprised that I am able to stick to my decision to not get in touch with them anymore. I am also surprised that they respect my decision and no longer make any attempts to get in touch with me. Like me, they probably think that it is better this way. My mother had asked me for peace of mind and I have given it to her. My mother blamed me for upsetting her by talking again about the abuse of my father and our dysfunctional family. When she demanded not to be bothered by these matters, anymore I made up my mind. It is not out of sympathy that I leave her alone, but out of an understanding that I no longer want to be with my family.