June 4, 2014

June 4, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

One of the most astounding aspects about Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) is that pretty much everyone can achieve it without effort, everyone can do it, and everyone already knows it, but is unable to have it deliberately. The reason for this is that generally listening behavior is less developed than speaking behavior. Most of what we say is not listened to by ourselves. It is because we are conditioned by a communication in which we listen to others and make others listen to us that we are not as likely to listen to ourselves. 

Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB) is a communication in which speakers are not listening to themselves. In NVB, one human being is speaking and the other is listening. In NVB, due to social rules, the one who is listening is not speaking and, consequently, is not having the opportunity to listen to him or herself. In NVB, the speaker doesn’t need to listen to him or to herself, because others are already listening to him or to her. In NVB, the attention of the speaker and the listener is on the other and is conditioning both to be outward-oriented.  

Because the sound of the voice which is not listened to is different from the sound of the voice that is listened to, there is a difference between SVB and NVB. Simply stated, when we don’t listen to ourselves while we speak we sound terrible. There is unanimous agreement among those who listen to themselves while they speak that those who don’t listen to themselves while they speak sound threatening. The fact that SVB is familiar to all of us, is plain and simple, but SVB continuously eludes us, because it is explained by the lob-sided development of our speaking and listening behaviors.  Even those who don’t do much of the talking overtly are covertly experiencing the continuation of the conversation in which they listen to others, but not to themselves. The person who attempts to listen to him or herself while talking covertly is at a disadvantage of the one who can talk overtly.

   

The question which needs to be asked is: who is most likely to listen? Obviously the person who is most likely to listen, is the person who is most capable of it. The person who does most of the talking overtly, who demands the attention of others by dominating the conversation, in NVB, is the least likely to listen to him or herself or to others while he or she speaks. He or she does what he or she does, because in his or her behavioral history speaking was more often reinforced than listening. The person who is most capable of listening, however, is the person who is feeling most oppressed by NVB and who is consequently most troubled by it. 

The person who most easily differentiates between SVB and NVB, is the person who, on the one hand, has experienced the reinforcing effects of self-listening, but who, on the other hand, like this author, is often dissatisfied with the results of his or her interactions with others. Such a person will, on the one hand, attempt to gain more control of the conversation, and, subsequently, engage more often in NVB, while, on the other hand, based on the positive consequences achieved by his or her self-listening, engage more often in a conversation with him or herself, due to which he or she will withdraw from NVB as much as possible and is able to achieve SVB more often. Since without the distinction between SVB and NVB the importance of self-listening cannot become clear, it is important to realize that those who are most likely to listen, are those who are most likely to speak. 

Paradoxically, the troublemakers, those who don’t agree with the communicators who dominate the conversation, those who themselves repeatedly stimulate NVB, but who, due to already available positive results of SVB, slowly but surely, withdraw from NVB as best as they can, are the ones who have the most history in listening and who can revolutionize the way in which we communicate. Those who dare to be inconsistent, because they recognize the different order that is created by SVB and NVB, those who know that SVB can’t be forced and understand that NVB can’t be stopped, but must be avoided, because it is forced on them, they are most likely to listen to themselves and develop over time the components of SVB.

Those who remain quiet, who, for whatever reason, don’t talk, have the least opportunity to listen to themselves because they don't speak. Just because they are quiet doesn’t mean that they are listening. Similarly, just because a person speaks, doesn’t mean that he or she communicates. The bi-directional relationship between speaking and listening exists within each of us and extends to others. As long as our speaking and listening behaviors are not synchronized, we are unable to evoke this in others. Those who listen more than speak usually talk more covertly, but when they do so in response to NVB, their covert speech has a negative quality. 

Much more harm is done by those who supposedly listen than by those who supposedly speak. Those who supposedly listen do so at the detriment of their own their ability to speak. And, those who claim to listen, are often not listening because they don’t speak. Since generally listening is less developed than speaking, the need for listening is exploited by those who can make others believe that they are listening. Most of those who are supposedly listening are not at all listening, but they are definitely making others believe that they are listening. They know how to dominate the conversation and they make others listen to them. Even while they tell others to listen to themselves, they are basically instructing them to listen to them. Those who pretend to listen are predetermined. They can’t be spontaneous and they don’t allow others to be spontaneous either. Those who supposedly listen prevent the SVB conversation in which our covert speech becomes part again of public speech. Those who supposedly listen are presumed to have abilities that others don’t have, such as consciousness, holiness or empathy, but their minimal speech, doesn't signify that they have a more developed listening. 

The absence of speech always signifies that people have limited listening abilities. Also, those who supposedly listen are often paranoid or socially inapt. Their NVB covert speech goes in overdrive, because nobody has listened to them. Those who claim to be listening to others, are often not listening, because they let others do all the talking. However, those who are really listening are not likely to talk about the fact that they are listening, because they are really talking with others. When people are really talking with each other listening is no longer an issue.