May 24, 2014

May 24, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

This writer has found that when people at some point decide not to interact with him this has led to new and more reinforcing opportunities for him. People have come and gone and he is no longer as concerned about this as he used to be. Yesterday he gave his last lecture for the Psychology class which he teaches. The group of students was saying wonderful things and praised him for his way of teaching, which they enjoyed and learned so much from. They will all be gone soon after the final, but they had a great time together.  

The reason other people no longer wanted to interact with this writer was of course because it wasn’t reinforcing to them. After they were gone it became clear that it wasn’t reinforcing for him either. This writer has made and continues to make decisions which are based on the achievement and maintenance of mutual reinforcement. He is simply not interested anymore in uni-directional verbal behavior, which he now calls Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB). 

Historically, people have seldom told this writer in person that they didn’t feel reinforced by him. They usually left him without saying anything and almost never talked about their decision to ignore his existence completely. In the past, such rejection hurt this writer’s feelings enormously. He often tried in vain to prevent this from happening, but upon discovering Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB), he became less concerned about the people who disconnected from him. 

The reason this writer thinks about this matter is because he went on to explore a process which he found and still finds reinforcing. This process has been so incredibly enriching for him that he doesn’t even regret losing touch with his family members, who live in the Netherlands.  Remarkably, while this author was writing these words, a behaviorist friend of whom he hasn’t heard for a long time, got back in touch with him. He let this author know that he cares about him very much, but he related that sadly his wife was mortally ill and that life has been a roller coaster for him in the last half year. He strongly emphasized the bi-directional nature of the connection he feels with this writer. 

This conversation like nothing else confirms this writer’s confidence in his choice to follow wherever SVB leads him. This friend is of special value to him since he is a psychologist, who lives in Holland. He is a  radical behaviorist belonging to a small stream of behaviorism, the Constructional Approach, which was developed in the Netherlands by Beata Bakker-De Pree.  Moreover, the Constructional Approach  fits perfectly with SVB and explains it. Due to various delightful conversations this writer had with his friend he felt recognized as a behaviorist, which is very important to him. His distinction between SVB and NVB extends the work of  Skinner. 

Although it was tragic to hear him speak about his ill wife, it was great to talk with him briefly and to know that they will soon have more conversations again. As far as this author is concerned connections made in SVB are for life. It was wonderful to hear his friend reiterate this in his native language. He even used a Dutch saying this writer had long forgotten, a description of reinforcement which is on the way, but which one needs to wait on a little. SVB teaches us to be patient, because reinforcement isn’t always immediately available. 

Sayings are verbal instructions that can really help us hang in there. Today is a glorious day for this writer and particularly for his wife. Her mother and her sister and husband came to visit. They drove up all the way from the Bay Area and brought a lot of delicious food. Before they arrived at around noon, this writer and his wife had a garage sale which was surprisingly successful. Lots of old text books which had been sitting in boxes were sold as well as other items they wanted to get rid of. It was a fun event in which also the next door neighbor joined. She sat with us the entire morning and we drank coffee and talked about our neighborhood. Many people came looking at our stuff because they were attracted by signs this writer had placed at the street corners. 

One interaction was with a man who was suffering from intense pain. He was desperately looking for answers on how to better deal with it. When he informed him about the seminar he would conduct next day and the man said he was going to join. Another man was lost and lonely. Although he was bragging and talking obnoxiously, it was clear that his life was unhappy and made him feel like an outcast. He didn’t have any money and so I gave him a book for free. 

Then there was an older couple, who came by bicycle. It was odd, because the neighbor, the writer’s  wife as well as the writer, were sitting in their garage and they greeted and welcomed these folks, who parked their bicycles against the lamppost, but they didn’t say anything. They just looked at our stuff and didn’t bother to even look at us. It wasn’t clear why they wouldn’t say anything because they were in hearing distance and it seemed as if they purposely ignored us. They didn’t buy anything and then left again. May be the lady had wanted to come to the yard sale, but the husband didn’t and so he reluctantly had to come along. May be they were having a disagreement before they came and that was the reason they didn’t say anything. Also, there was another couple who said they were going to get some money and then they would buy the wheels of our neighbor, but they never came back. 

Then there was this cute little girl, who immediately picked up a plastic red hart. She asked what it would cost and she got it for free. She was shy and didn’t dare to say thank you. When her daddy made her say thank you, she made a funny, strange and uncomfortable sound.There appeared this little boy, whose friendly mother bought a couple of plants and books. He got a magnifying glass for free and was very happy. 

Also, two friends of this writer and his wife came to visit with their lovely dog. Initially they had said that they would join the garage sale, but they weren’t up to it. This writer had offered to help them transport their stuff from their house to his drive way, but they had declined. 

Another neighbor, who lives three houses down, also had a yard sale. Everyone who came to our street checked out both places. We inquired with each other how the yard sale was going and each of us was happy to have sold quite a bit. When the sale was finally over the writer and his wife were pretty exhausted and needed a little rest. This gave them just enough time to prepare for the arrival of the family. Once they arrived everyone was in good spirits to see each other again. It was the first time they were visiting the new home of the writer and his wife. They ate together and talked with each other and the writer and his wife got lots of gifts. The writer’s wife’s sister and her husband are one year younger than the writer and his wife. They too have been happily married for a long time and they too decided not to have any children.