May 26, 2014

May 26, 2014

Written by Maximus Peperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

 

This writer is glad once the family members, who came to visit him and his wife, have left again. Although it was nice to see each other, it soon became clear how different lives  they live and how we don’t have a whole lot to talk about with each other. This led to more eating, more TV and more beers, which didn’t improve this author’s mood and made him feel grouchy and negative. It is nice to know they leave soon.

Only a few people showed up for yesterday’s seminar. However, the few who showed up were doing well and demonstrated that Sound Verbal Behavior (SVB) doesn’t depend on the approval of a large crowd. One person left the seminar minutes after it started. She stated that she already knew SVB because she had been to classes about Non Violent Communication (NVC). However, it was clear that she was very uptight and unwilling to consider anything new. One participant, who was familiar with NVC, explained the great difference between SVB and NVC. In NVC, which this writer would consider Noxious Verbal Behavior (NVB), the listener is making stringent attempts to listen to the speaker, supposedly in order to better understand him or her. The effort involved in NVC leaves the listener exasperated, because it is based on a predetermined way of communicating. The participant explained the contrast with SVB in which one doesn't feel drained, but energized, because there is effortless communication and spontaneity. Also, she remarked that the lady who left so quickly was convinced she was right and that whatever others are saying was wrong. She said that she didn’t want to listen to or talk about anything she already knew.

It was a relief when she was gone and because this writer avoided getting into any discussion with her, the elephant left the room, all by herself.  It was funny that after she left the atmosphere  immediately cleared up. Participants already felt judged, rejected and humiliated by her. Her departure was the best part of her participation and we all agreed about that. When my in laws have left, my wife and I will be happy, because we can again experience what we together maintain.