January 3, 2014

January 3, 2014

Written by MaximusPeperkamp, M.S. Verbal Behaviorist

Dear Reader, 

 

When we tell someone what to do, that person will usually resist. They resist because they can resist and because the situation is provided in which they can resist. When we tell someone what to do and give them a reason why we want them to do it, we explain ideally the components of a contingency of reinforcement. However,, if the wanted behavior isn’t a function of the contingency we describe , this behavior will not come about due to the reason we give. Most likely, resistant behavior is contingent on the reason we give to act in another way.

To prevent people from acting a particular way is different from making them act a particular way. In one we try to decrease behavior, in the other we try to increase or construct a behavior. Our focus on decreasing behavior doesn’t and can’t result in a behavior which we would like to see increased. Since two different processes are involved both processes need to be considered separately. When what should be part of the process of decreasing behavior is mixed in with the process of increasing behavior, then we are punishing instead of reinforcing, It is obvious why those whose behavior we are trying to increase resist. 

Today, a colleague, who was avoiding me the other day, suddenly announced that she wanted to talk with me. She mentioned she had felt “some tension and asked if I would like to talk about it. I declined in the same way that I declined to be upset about her ignoring me the other day. By simply saying that I didn’t feel that there was anything to talk about, I avoided a lot of problems, which I would have created in the past. Before,, her way of dealing with me had been hostile and now I was supposed to talk with her about my feelings? No way! She made it seem as if she was helping me, while in fact she was ready to tear me to pieces and unload her negativity.  

It was a good indication to me that my avoidance behavior is effective. The other staff members,, who are also negative towards me, made it seem as if everything was fine. Their denial was covered up by their incessant talk with each other, which completely excluded me. They have been doing this all along, but I am not interested in either one of them and I don’t care not having any conversation with them. This seems to surprise them, because I have was more accommodating in the past. Currently, I am very aware I am no longer accommodating their well-being. Not being responsible for that makes me feel good. 

Yesterday, when my shift was over, nobody said anything, but tonight my colleagues were wishing me a good night. Their improved manners are a consequence of the fact that I have shown that I don’t like to be messed around with. I feel I took charge by treating them exactly as cold as they treat me. I”’ ll  ignore them if they ignore me. I have nothing to explain to mean people, and let them figure it out.