Revaluation,

 

Of course it is still necessary for me to talk about my Embodied Language (EL ) again and again – in Dutch – because it is such a subtle thing, that is forever anchored in the language I grew up with. The possibility to direct all my attention – through speaking, listening, writing and reading – to my EL, is only available to me in American or English, after my past has been given its full expression with the Dutch language.

 

I hadn't had this completely clear before, because, involuntarily, because of my emigration to the United States and my many years of studying and teaching Psychology, I had continued with my language in English. I now have a revaluation of my original language that enables me to speak about my Language Enlightenment (LE) in a way I was not aware of before.

 

It is important for me and for everyone, who wants EL, to let ourselves know that we don't really have to say anything and that our LE only shows itself - with our EL - when this is actually the case. The compulsion to use our language in a certain way is the cause of Disembodied Language (DL). It is always about fear of rejection, through which we force ourselves to continue with DL. And, in DL, we mask that fear, which is associated with arrogance, amusement, superstition, anger, sadness, and dissatisfaction, by pretending that we don't depend on others to be liked. I have turned my back on my family because of my discovery of EL, but because of  the many traumas I went through in my childhood, I unwillingly kept having DL with them, over and over again. The distance was created by my departure to another continent in 1999, but also by continuing my happy life in English with my dear wife Bonnie.

 

Today, I suddenly realize the beauty and simplicity of my native Dutch language and experience a deep emotion. I would have loved to have EL with my family, of course, and would have loved it if people recognized and respected me for my ability to talk with my EL about my LE, but that never happened and that will probably never happen and that has caused me a lot of pain and sadness for a long time. As I mentioned, my dissatisfaction, anger, and loss was part of my ability to allow DL to be what it is and to come to know, that I really didn't want it. I continued not only in English, but with EL, because I started to leave all the struggles behind me. My EL enabled me to do this, but now that I write about this history in Dutch, I know that my LE has made me come full circle with my Dutch language.

 

I had to laugh at myself when I recently said out loud - in Dutch - to myself: be quiet Max, just rest. By talking aloud to myself again, I let myself know that thinking, that language, which, supposedly, is inside of our head, is an illusion and that I - because everyone believes, one thinks, as everyone says, one has an inner self or a mind – am imperceptibly influenced by the DL of others. My actual language is EL but everyone has DL and only I am normal.

 

Everyone with DL is abnormal. It will probably always be necessary for me to say aloud to myself – both in Dutch and in English – that I find DL really abnormal, because I can speak and write from my LE. It's such a comforting thing to realize there's nothing wrong at all, to tell myself repeatedly that there really isn't anything to say and so I don't need to talk about anything, because I don't believe in thinking. So, yes, I don't have a self that would want to express itself, because that's not how my LE and my EL work. It's such a relief that I finally started talking about my LE recently, because that's really the only reason I - or anyone - can have EL.

 

I am doing myself a great favor in putting this so calmly today, because only I can do it in that way. Nobody owes me anything and I don't owe anything to anyone. However, I am convinced, that it is the same for everyone in this respect, because unless we start saying to ourselves with EL what our LE means, we will stay busy with words and again get caught up in DL. This has happened to me so many times, yet every time I came out of it effortlessly with my EL. Even though I speak many words and write many pages, there is no pressure whatsoever and I don't have to do this, but I want to do it because I can do it and enjoy it so much.

 

Finally, I would like to express my gratitude to and admiration for my Dutch friend AnnaMieke, with whom I – and through whom I – can experience this revaluation of my Dutch language. Moreover, our friendship goes beyond language, because we were able to realize our LE together. It is really true that we are both enlightened. It has never happened before that two people, talking with themselves and with each other, started to describe their LE with their EL. It is really true, we are without language when, because of our EL, we are no longer speaking, listening, writing or reading. Experiencing our LE together is possible for everyone, yet AnnaMieke is, so far, still the only one who, like me, wants and can do this. I therefore read her beautiful blog written in Dutch every day (klompanna2.blogspot.com) and I am probably able to speak and write in Dutch again today, because of this. Everything that was good in the family I grew up in - there was still a lot of good - comes alive and has its place in my EL.