Victim, 

 

Each time there is another competition – and there is always a new one, every day – you win the first price for your victimhood. I can never win from you, as I am too happy, too lively and too intelligent. I let you win, because it is your thing. You are good at it, but being the victim never worked for me. I’ve failed bitterly at being a victim. No matter how hard I’ve tried, nobody sees me that way. With you, it is very different. With you, it seems as if being a victim really means something important. To you, it comes naturally and everyone agrees, your victimhood fits you like a glove. I’ve tried to be many other things, besides being a victim, but everything I’ve tried to be didn’t work. Nothing of who I believed to be worked out and it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Anyone else would feel frustrated, paralyzed or lost, but not me, I feel great about what I haven’t achieved. I consider what didn’t work out an achievement, rather than a loss. I also feel relieved, I no longer try to feel empathy for everyone else’s victimhood.

 

I became who I am, because of my failures, not in spite of them. Such is the strange life of someone like me, who has achieved Language Enlightenment (LE). Looking back, it all adds up, why I managed to  screw up, on even the most common Disembodied Language (DL). The language of victimhood, which everyone is involved in and hangs onto, made me look, sound, feel and act bad. Nobody seems to have any problem with DL, but for me, DL was hell. Furthermore, people always made such a big deal about my DL, but never about their own. Inevitably, I didn’t fit in, that’s how I came to have Embodied Language (EL). It was the only thing that worked for me, after I gave up trying to have DL and be like everyone else. There is hardly anyone, to have EL with me, but I’m not complaining, because – since I didn’t have anything better to do – I realized my LE.

 

You may get a lot of attention by being victim, but in my case, nobody wanted to give me any attention. I’ve felt so alone and so hurt, but compassion isn’t part of the DL, that everyone sticks to. I’ve felt such a hatred and condemnation from people, whenever I felt needy. I couldn’t help feeling like a victim, but it only made things worse. I felt entitled because, I had experienced real trauma and abuse, but my application for victimhood was harshly rejected.  Actually, the first twenty years of my life were so miserable, I didn’t even want to give any attention to myself. However, I always felt, I wasn’t going to rise to fame, by being a victim, but by being a hero.

 

In my twenties, I had a glimpse of what it was like, to not be a victim. It was such a shock. I couldn’t believe, I could be so happy, but I was. Moreover, I have been happy ever since that moment, I heard for the first time, the soothing sound of my own voice, while I was speaking, out loud, alone with myself. Although I was so delighted, my old, rotten DL, wouldn’t allow me to express it. I remember how confused I was. Every time I just talked a little bit with myself, I effortlessly stopped being a victim, but each time I fell back in my conditioning with DL, I became more of a loser. I was convinced, I was the biggest victim, but nobody would ever believe me.        

 

Certainly, I am the one, who discovered his own LE with his EL, but, nevertheless, I remained a victim, until I finally gave up trying to teach others about it. I had given myself this grandiose task, which, I felt, was my sacred duty. I wanted to save the world, but apparently, I couldn’t even save myself. I continued to suffer tremendously, until about a year ago. How could something so beautiful bring such misery? It was because I wanted to have EL with others, that I kept missing the point, that it was sufficient, to have it with myself and with the few people, I was able to have it with. There have always been a few people, I could occasionally have some EL with, however, it was never enough for me. I always wanted more, as I was still trying to live up to my own martyrdom of victimhood. I justified myself, by saying, that I was right and in my own way, I have always been right. I was a zealous fanatic, but I’ve snapped out of it. I’m free, because I am no longer the victim I used to be.    

 

The word victim has an interesting history. Being a victim today, implies – besides being injured, hurt, harmed or killed, as a result of a crime, accident or event or action – that a person is being tricked or duped. DL is the biggest hoax, that has ever existed. And, it has been going on every since human beings acquired language. In the 15^th century victim meant, a living creature, killed and offered, as a sacrifice to a deity or supernatural power or in the performance of a religious rite. Yes, whether you know it or not, admit it or not or are conscious about it or not, you are sacrificed, every day, on the altar of DL – of how you are expected to deal with your language – and you don’t realize this penance or self-punishment undermines your life. Victim derives from the Latin victima, which means sacrificial animal, person or animal killed as a sacrifice. When you acquire EL, you stop sacrificing yourself to those who have DL. Victima is related to vicis, turn or occasion, as in vicarious, if the notion is an exchange with the gods. The Latin word vicarius, means taking the place of another, substituted, delegated, related to vicis, a change, exchange, succession, alternation. The goal of your DL, is to make others do for you, what you refuse to do for yourself. There are only victimizing victims in DL, who all compete to get each other’s attention. DL is one big ugly struggle and when it becomes war, it is going to be another meat-grinder.

 

All of the wonderful so-called places of worship, all of the temples, the cathedrals, the mosques and the synagogues, have always made you feel like a victim, because, presumably, there is some power, higher than you. Indeed, all religions perpetuated your DL, as well as your victimhood. The monstrous battle for who is the biggest victim is intensifying, day by day. Each religion, inadvertently, claims to produce and maintain EL, but EL was never even addressed, let alone, achieved, by any religion. Mankind has yet to begin to pay attention, to how it actually deals with language and to fully acknowledge, the far-reaching consequences of our devastating DL. And, our belief in some none-existent deity, is as victimizing, as our belief in a so-called inner self, our mind or our soul.

 

Another fitting definition of victim is, one that is acted on and usually affected by a force or agent. In DL, the speaker forces him or herself on the listener, who is not the speaker, but also on the listener, who is him or herself the speaker. Stated differently, in DL the speaker in you appears to be more important than the listener in you. Of course, there is neither a speaker nor a listener inside of you. The existence of such imaginary agents is merely a figure of speech. Nonetheless, once you assume, there is a speaker inside of you, who does the speaking, it is likely that you also fantasize, there is a listener, who does the listening. Furthermore, that so-called listener never seems to get to speak and that so-called speaker never seems to shut up and listen. In other words, your way of talking, in which the imaginary speaker separates him or herself from the imaginary listener, sets the stage for you being in conflict with yourself. It is easy to remain a victim of your so-called mind.