Nobody,

 

I know, it sounds ridiculous and crazy to say that I am a nobody, but I really am a nobody. Although I fully admit, I’m still getting used to it, my presence feels like an absence, because nobody is interested in me, noticing me or talking with me. Strangely enough, I’m doing just fine, although in the past, I have made a big deal about trying to be somebody.

 

Somehow, I have always been a nobody, although I was – like everyone else – raised to suffer and to be a somebody. For a long time, I was uncertain about myself and imagining to be on some sort of spiritual path of searching and, one day, finding my true self. I didn’t find anything, which would make me say: I am that. Yes, I write and sing songs or play on my ukulele and – since I find nothing more interesting to do – I write about my Language Enlightenment (LE), which gave rise to my Embodied Language (EL), but I wouldn’t say: I am my song, I am my writing or I am my language. To say that wouldn’t sound right.

 

Each night, in my sleep or when, during my lunch, I take a short nap, I don’t do anything. Although I live a very active life, everything I do is experienced as emerging from this nothingness. You could say, that my nothingness is a work in progress. I was shocked to notice it for the first time, somewhere during my early twenties. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it, but it was not a belief and believing it or not just didn’t matter, as something irreversible had happened. Only today, I seem to be able to verbalize it and, thus, fully realize, what it was and still is.

 

When I started to listen to myself, while I was saying something, I was still very much involved in trying to be someone, but I instantly knew – that I had always known – that I was and would always be a nobody. It is strange to write this, as I have never expressed myself in writing about this. I seem to have lost my hesitation to express my LE and let others know, this is not merely some esoteric talk, that I am a nobody. I am a nobody and if you want to talk with me, you will have to accept that you are a nobody too.  

 

While being a nobody was mentioned by me on some occasions, it was never front and center, since my exploration of my DL and EL kept me so busy, that it distracted from my LE. However, this is not the case anymore. For me, it is easy and natural to be a nobody, but for those, who haven’t had, like me, ongoing EL, it is impossible. In DL, everybody is always somebody, regardless whether they consider themselves to be inferior or superior, losers or winners, victims or victimizers. I am a nobody and my LE is only known to me. This morning, in my car, on my way to my work, I was talking with myself about this and having a big outburst of laughter.

 

I am having great fun being a nobody and feel happy to address this easy topic. Not trying to fulfill any requirement and not comparing what I say to others or to what I myself have said before, is pure delight. The unfolding of EL isn’t anything reactionary, yet, this doesn’t mean, I have to go slow or can’t go fast. When people talk about silence or peacefulness, they often associate it with slowing down, as they, unknowingly, ignorantly and fearfully believe that liveliness and especially talking prevents their bliss. EL, however, illustrates to us, that we can be very much alive and be completely still. Actually, unless we are totally, verbally, alive, we can’t be still.  

 

The flow of our language has never been clear to us, due to our habitual involvement in DL. Basically, we have endlessly been stopping ourselves and each other from experiencing our own creation. Yes, with our language, we create our own reality. The fact, that we generally don’t experience this and remain unaware we are doing this, means that we create our own prison. Indeed, a somebody will always produce his or her own living hell, as only a nobody is able to use language properly. I can write like this, not because I try to write like this, but because there is nobody, who tries anything. I express, so to speak, what nobody wants to say. Of course, we are only one with one another – we can only experience oneness – when we are nobody. Our idiotic idea of  being ourselves, which doesn’t involve exploring the immense difference between DL and EL, inevitably, is about being somebody. Moreover, there is no way in which a somebody ever becomes a nobody, that is, in DL, we are grandiosely, perpetually denying our mortality, but in EL, we don’t become a nobody, but we realize, we have always been a nobody.

 

With ongoing EL, we realize our LE and feel at home in eternity. This means, we are not fantasizing about immortality, but by embodying our language, we realize – while vibrantly alive, actively involved in our language and communicating – what we were, before we were born and what we will be, after we die. There are no trials and tribulations anymore of being a somebody, for someone, who knows how to engage in ongoing EL, who expresses and realizes his or her LE. Everything happens in our language now, effortlessly and consciously and our ability to say it, to hear, to write it and to read it, is such, that we are always new. This beautiful, intelligent, generative aspect of language – which determines that we never repeat what we have expressed – can only be appreciated by a nobody. In other words, we can only become objective about our language, if we stop biasing it, by being a somebody. Unlike DL, in EL we tremendously enjoy our language.