Disappeared,

 

Once you have Embodied Language (EL), instead of your usual problematic, automatic, erratic, pathetic Disembodied Language (DL), you know, everything you believed has disappeared. Your convictions have  vanished, because they weren’t true. Your dilemma  wasn’t complicated, as it was simply your DL, which you kept repeating. Everybody makes such big deal about overcoming their struggle, because they don’t have DL. In other words, with EL, we have overcome our problems. We dared to say that it is so, because our EL expresses our Language Enlightenment (LE).

 

When we say something disappeared right in front of our eyes, into thin air, we are talking about something we saw, which is no longer visible, but when we speak about the mutation, which took place due to our EL, we are talking about something we heard, which we no longer hear. Initially, the difference between DL and EL is enormous, because we were hopelessly stuck in DL to our verbal self-concept, but our overrated  identity completely, effortlessly dissolves, in our EL.

 

You can try it out yourself. Sit alone and tell yourself whatever is in your attention and listen to the sound of your voice. You will hear the change in your voice, when you shift from DL to EL and, yes, whatever you were paying attention to – that is, whatever you just have verbalized – disappeared, like snow in the sun. However, if this doesn’t occur, your will very quickly stop talking with yourself, because you don’t like to listen to your own DL. Others always dislike your DL, but you yourself hate it even more, that is why – if you wish to continue talking with and listening to yourself – you only have one choice: stop your DL.

 

You can’t really say, with EL, that LE is your identity, because you feel totally new, each moment, you are able to step out of your dreadful conditioning history with DL. Apparently, after you have done this often enough, you don’t care about your identity anymore, because your DL doesn’t happen anymore and you dissolve into nothingness. Moreover, in EL, your language works for you, instead of – as in DL – against you. Unbelievable as this may sound – while you say this to yourself – there are and there will always be, positive consequences to your EL, even if you keep noticing, that you keep falling back into your repetitive habit of having DL, many times. Your DL becomes less and less, as your ability to have EL increases. You experience the difference it makes in your life, as all your trouble will have disappeared.  

 

There is nothing mysterious about why you are able to finally let go of all your trauma and drama in EL, because once you listen to yourself while you speak, what you say, becomes less important, than how you say it. In DL, you are verbally fixated and completely forgetful about how you say, what you say. Once you bring your attention again, to how you sound, while you speak – to how you experience yourself, while you talk – you happily notice, your fixation on what you say ends. Simultaneously, you hear the sound of your voice changing. You sigh with relief, as your DL and all the problems it has caused, has disappeared.

 

It is one thing, to stop your DL and to have some EL, but quite another, to be able to continue with your EL and, therefore, to express and to be informed by your LE, which is your intelligence. Unless you have ongoing EL, you can’t give yourself the instructions, which are necessary to avoid DL. We can only give ourselves these verbal directions, by taking time, to speak with ourselves and to listen to ourselves, but as long as our energy is drained by our involvement DL, we will remain unconscious about what is really  happening in our lives. Therefore, only after we have disappeared from talking with and being busy with others, can we and will we appear, in talking with – and being able to stay with – ourselves, in EL.

 

We all die one day, yet we fear to disappear. This is nowhere clearer than in our use of language. We mainly have DL, because we try – in vain – to hang on to whatever it is we claim to be important. Only if we stop our own DL, can we have a taste of our own EL, in which let go of the verbal descriptions of the sordid, miserable, chaotic, superficial reality, we have created and maintained with our DL. After we have disappeared – with EL into our LE, from the confusing, frightening, stressful, numb rigmarole of DL – can we begin to live in peace and harmony.  

 

After my father-in-law had been cremated, we spread his ashes on the ocean, near Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Once my Chinese in-laws had arrived on the parking lot, we walked together to the end of the small marina. My mother-in-law carried the basket, that held the urn with ashes of her husband. For a while, we sat together, quietly crying, at the end of the pier. My wife’s dad had been such a great man. The urn was opened and the ash was poured into the basked, which was set a-float. Rice-wine and flowers were sprinkled over the basket, which slowly drifted away. When it came to the end of the attached line, the basket was tilted and the ashes spread into the water. You could see it disappear in a cloud, underneath the surface. At that moment, something also disappeared in me. I withdrew from my study in psychology. The dead of Mr. Moy was a remarkable turning-point in my life.  

 

While mourning the loss of Bonnie’s wonderful dad, my ambition to become a psychologist disappeared. It had been such a tremendous struggle. I had also, due to anemia, fallen behind accruing on my clinical hours and on writing my dissertation. The fact was, I was exhausted and drastic steps needed to be made to get back on track. We were living, at the time, in expensive Mountain View, but soon returned back to good old Chico, where housing was more affordable and, unexpectedly, I became psychology instructor.

 

After nine years of teaching at Butte College, my interest in psychology disappeared, when due to Covid, all my classes had to happen online. Besides, there was nobody in academia with the integrity to recognize the gigantic importance of EL, which I had successfully taught to both my students and faculty.  Meanwhile, I had become a self-taught behaviorist. However, I soon found out, that behaviorists are as disinterested in EL as psychologists. Many people have disappeared from my life, because I continue with EL, while they want to go on with DL. I have no contact with anyone in my family, because no one wants to acknowledge their own ability to have EL.

 

Now that my EL can steadily continue, my LE shines brightly, every day. As my DL has subsided, I have also been able to stop the self-defeating behaviors, which were caused and maintained by my DL. I am so glad, all the negativity has disappeared from my life. Recently, I was fired from my retirement-job, because my boss kept being disrespectful, mean and unreasonable to me. I wasn’t allowed to say, I felt mistreated, but this is not how I roll. I am glad and relieved the stress from that job has disappeared and I am sure I will find something else to do for another couple of more years.