Gurus,

 

In the past, I have been with and ferociously read about, a couple of so-called gurus or presumably self-realized individuals, because, like so many of you, I was seeking and searching. With all of them, I have found, that my assumed affiliation was always more about them, then about me. Indeed, often, I completely lost myself in their so-called work – which I was doing – as I was so enthralled with their verbalizations and strongly believed – as I was made to believe –  this was necessary, to supposedly drop my ego, get out of my mind, forget about my own language and go beyond words, to find my true self.

 

Still today, it is important to let myself know – by saying it out loud, so I can hear it in my own voice –  that I am, actually, a very sensitive, relaxed, calm and bright person. As I was, this morning, in my car on my way to my work, speaking out loud about this with myself, it also occurred to me, I need to allow myself, to feel this way and tell myself, it is needed for me, to say this out loud to myself, as often as I want to. In my history with Disembodied Language (DL), I have been, for a long time, easily, panicked, frustrated, stressed out, confused, fearful, upset, disappointed, distracted or disturbed, but now that I can have ongoing Embodied Language (EL), I find myself still getting used to, who I really am, who I have always been, but who, with DL, I couldn’t be.

 

The traumatizing, but also the positive effects of how I grew up, made me want to find the meaning of my life. I listened to many lectures, sat in many so-called satsangs, participated in therapy groups, seminars, rituals and meditations, in the hope to be able to transcend my struggle and pain, about not fitting in, being an outsider, someone who couldn’t believe what everyone believes, who defiantly and reactively refused to talk as others told him to.  

 

In retrospect, I understand, these days of longing and mourning, were times, in which I explored the many negative consequences of my own DL as well as the DL of others. I was always busier with the DL of others, than with my own DL, as I hadn’t yet made the distinction between my own DL and EL.

 

Like most people, I wanted to feel positive, but I  kept feeling negative. To acknowledge my own true feelings, seemed difficult and awkward, as I simply didn’t have the language for it. Moreover, in these so-called spiritual circles, language, and, therefore, reasoning itself, was always looked down on. I now know, I that had to stop being busy with the DL of others, so that I could finally attend to my own DL, to fully admit, accept and understand, that I was feeling hurt, rejected, lonely and betrayed. Surely, I was only able to become aware about my own DL, once I was able to talk about my own DL with my EL, that is, once I had found a different way of talking. Whether you know it or not, you too try to talk about your DL, but as long as you don’t know what your EL is and as long as you cannot continue with it, you inevitably will talk with your DL about your DL. This is what everybody does.

 

Once you have experienced and prolonged your own EL, you will know, with irrefutable certainty, like I do, that DL can never be talked about with DL and can only be talked about with your ongoing EL. The fact that we all, unknowingly, try to talk about our DL with DL, has catastrophic consequences. In other words, it is not only a matter for me, but also for you, to be able to say out loud to yourself: it is not only okay, what I feel, but also true, no matter how incredibly negative it is. Expressing your DL with your EL, allows you to accept and feel your anger, frustration, pain, despair and hopelessness.

 

Going back to when I didn’t know about my EL, as I had not yet discovered it, I can now understand why my previous self-help activities only provided temporary, never permanent, relief. It also never occurred to me back then, all my troubling feelings were maintained by how I talked, that is, by my own DL. Although I had discovered the DL-EL distinction, I couldn’t find anyone, who was as interested in it as I was. Nobody has ever spoken or written about ongoing EL. This is why nobody knows about the immense importance of this DL-EL distinction. I can’t emphasize this point enough. I have studied  many years and achieved an M.S and M.A. in clinical psychology, I worked for many years in different mental health positions and have taught psychology for many years at Butte College, but no teacher, therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist has ever truly acknowledged the scientific validity of the DL-EL distinction, because they all engage, every day, just like everyone else, in superstitious, irrational DL.

 

Only after having ongoing EL for quite a while, did it dawn on me, that stopping my own DL, by dealing with my history of conditioning, was only one step, but bringing more energy into my EL, was quite another. For all these years, I still didn’t know, I had to stop my own DL, I was still only trying to allow and express my negative experiences – but, without any attention for my own language. Such attention could, of course, only come from my EL. Although, I was also having some positive experiences, these preferable experiences were never connected with my interest in and passion for language, that is, with speaking, writing, writing and reading. My history with DL, like your history with DL, kept me basically nonverbal or illiterate about my negative as well as my positive experiences. Thus, it is not surprising, that this morning, in my car, on my way to work, I suddenly heard myself say it to myself, it is okay to feel and express my negative feelings, but now that I have done that, it is clear to me, these negative experiences were never really left behind, as long as I had not fully expressed my positive experiences.

 

When we talk about so-called repressed feelings or what Freud referred to as the unconscious, we are referring to stuff, we can, of course, in principle talk about, but, unless we give ourselves that chance, we don’t ever get a chance to talk about. Moreover, the supposedly bottled-up experiences, which have remained unexpressed verbally, are mainly negative experiences. However, once we have truly stopped our own DL, we can’t help, but realize, that we have always been holding back on our positive feelings.  

 

Once we are able to go on with the expression of our natural positive feelings, that is, once we allow ourselves, that we can – if we give ourselves the permission – have such nourishing experiences, we will notice, our negative feelings disappear and no longer re-emerge. Furthermore, if we have ongoing EL, we say to ourselves and hear ourselves say, we are not, we never were, what we believed ourselves to be with DL. Yes, I believed myself to be a failure, a nuisance, a problem, a burden and a stranger. However, with EL, I tell myself and really feel, I am a success, I am intelligent, as I am a blessing without a disguise and a friend to myself. By allowing – in the sound of my voice – who I am, all my words unite in my Language Enlightenment (LE) and I speak and write about my new verbal way of being. Rationally, I express my own LE, as there is no fear or pressure.